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Desc:Made obsolete by Vines, the 5SF crew and characters set out to destroy the Web in revenge.
Category:General Station, Humor
Tags:5sf, 5 second films
Submitted:BHWW
Date:12/31/13
Views:1370
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Comment count is 17
Crunchy Frog
You know how Saturday Night Live sketches can be kinda hit or miss, but nearly every movie based on an SNL sketch is awful?

This is the exact same thing, writ small.
oddeye
The fuck are vines and no I refuse to look it up.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Twitter with video.

infinite zest
Vines are everyone's potential five seconds of fame. Most of the time it's annoying brodudes hitting each other with poop or pets doing things that pets do. Once in a while it hits gold; most of the time it's about as funny as 5SFs are.

Gmork
Also refuse to research what a vine is.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I hate that I know what they are and I hate that I've seen them.

It is basically fostering a culture of people who are comfortable with the fact that they cannot act worth shit making attempts at comedy because they lack the basic restraint they should to not attempt it unless it's actually good. In millions of awful, unfunny variations.

EvilHomer
Scrotum's description is spot-on.

I really don't get the appeal of "it's like regular social media, only you've got LESS SPACE to do it in!". Because less is better? I'd be content merely ignoring vines until they fuck off and go away, but I'm worried that they will do to video what Twitter did to the fine art of blogging.

I've been thinking of rolling out my own social media service. Users will be limited to a one-second video, which displays a single word, describing their feelings at the moment. I'll call it "Doubleplusgood", and by this time next year, the internet will be awash in ++goodz. And, since each ++good counts as a page hit for me, link-backs will drive my SEO through the roof, and each individual ++good can be monetized through advertising, I'll be king of the frakking internet.

EvilHomer
MEGALOMANIACAL

~EvilHomer via ++good

Simillion
shutup

WHO WANTS DESSERT
haha you are all so old

SolRo
I'd tell you to get off my goddamn lawn but the boomers killed any realistic chance of me owning a house without crippling debt and eventual foreclosure.

memedumpster
WATCHINHIPSTERSNORTPILLS!

~memedumpster via ++good

EvilHomer
I'm also working on a second webservice, to compliment doubleplusgood. It's called Duckspeak, and it will allow it's users to post complete sentences by selecting from a list of hip, trending pre-written sentences. The userbase will experience all the fun of reTweeting, without being burdened with the need to write Tweets themselves!

All Duckspeaks will be written by our up-market clientele: advertisers, celebrities, political interest groups, basically anyone who's willing to pay us can write material for our service. This will free our social media savvy users from the outdated hassle of formulating original thoughts. Duckspeaks will be tagged (cool!) and fully searchable, so let's say you wanted to let your friends know your views on climate change - simply search for #climatechange and you'll be given a list of top trending slogans written by some of the hottest names in climate science, conservative punditry, and Hollywood! Pick the Duckspeak you like the best (here's one by Duck Dynasty!), click, and you're done! Now all 20,000 people on your social network will know roughly how you feel, and you'll be able to get back to the more important things, like watching TV on your iPad or shopping for great deals on brand name merchandise on Amazon.com!

"Global warmings are a lie!"
~Duck Dynasty via Duckspeak

IMPRESSED
~EvilHomer via ++good

We'll roll-out with full Facebook and Google+ integration (non-optional feature). Eventually, we hope to do away with the search feature altogether, in favor of our users simply Duckspeaking whatever is currently up on our frontpage (our frontpage spots are competitively priced, call for a quote!), but that's a stretch goal at the moment.

EvilHomer
The best part is, people will be able to post, like, 80 quackz and ++goodz in the same time it would have taken to post 10 Tweets or Vines. Within a few years, I hope to reduce all online discourse to a near-constant stream of emotive grunting and corporate talking points, the way G_d intended.

BHWW
SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUP SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

You can quit with your overly self-conscious posting of these novella-length burblings in the comments.

EvilHomer
Not everypony appreciates my art. But it's OK, soon all online discourse longer than five seconds will be a thing of the past.

Caminante Nocturno
Rest in peace, 5sf.
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