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Desc:Horses dressed like hookers! For your children!
Category:Fashion, Crime
Tags:bad ideas, Struts, whorses
Submitted:Pope Caius
Date:01/07/14
Views:1506
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Comment count is 36
Xenocide
I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE

NOW I DRESS LIKE A SLUT FOR ATTENTION AND CUT MYSELF
Oscar Wildcat
NEW HORSE VAGINAS WITH KUNG-FU GRIP!
eatenmyeyes
[Police Academy joke]

BorrowedSolution
CLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCL OPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOP CLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCL OPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOP CLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCL OPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOP CLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCL OPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOP CLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCL OPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOPCLOP *SUICIDE*
Shoebox Joe
This is just a rung away from being a Tim and Eric commercial.
baleen
See how good they are????

EvilHomer
A shameless attempt to ride the popularity of My Little Pony, done by people who clearly have no idea what makes the show great. The only character I "believe" is the Rarity ripoff, Milan. The other three appear to be attempts at Twilight, Pinkie, and Flutter-dash respectively, but they all come off as being Rarity, maybe even Hoity Toity or Photo Finish! Another thing I don't like is how the designers apparently saw fit to "neuter" Rainbow Dash by combining her with Fluttershy - because you can't have a pony who's good at sports, without femmeing things up. And then they completely left out Applejack; they had the perfect opportunity to make a stubby-legged pony named Detroit who works in a blue collar job, and they missed it.

This is all plot, no substance.
Shoebox Joe
Gotta give them a clap or two for their obvious disdain for children.

Pope Caius
These were actually made in 2008.

Shoebox Joe
My comments still stand!

EvilHomer
Mine too, because, uhhh, time travel and the Illuminati.

Aernaroth2
Whorse.
Aernaroth2
Whorse tag, rather.
ashtar.
I was going to make a struts/sluts pun, but I think that's what the manufacturer intended.

Crunchy Frog
Surprisingly enough, this line of abominations predates MLP:FIM. They came out in 2008, and were discontinued in 2009:

http://sparklepony.blogspot.com/2008/03/psp-worried-about-slut ty-new-pony.html

Still, an evil MLP knockoff is an evil MLP knockoff.
poorwill
fucking christ
Caminante Nocturno
"Hey, what's the worst line of toys we can get away with releasing?"
SteamPoweredKleenex
These had to be recalled after numerous incidences of shattered legs that were blamed on massive inbreeding coupled with putting equines in high heels.
EvilHomer
Poor Giga Watanabe.

memedumpster
Bronies would never go for this, these sex horses are too mature and sure of themselves, thus beyond their own mental age. They require childlike innocence to jack off to, like kidnapper rapists.
Jet Bin Fever
damn man. nailed it.

Oscar Wildcat
I wasn't gonna say it, but I'm glad you did.

EvilHomer
Almost. I doubt any cloppers would go for these sex horses, and your theory about the Struts' apparent maturity is spot on (see my previous essays on neoteny and the pony aesthetic of cute), but I'd dispute your claim that the Struts are "sure of themselves", or that being sure of oneself is somehow a turnoff for cloppers. Ponies are nothing if not sure of themselves, and with the exception of the CMC, any struggles they may have with their own self-doubts are usually resolved within one episode. In fact, I think a significant portion of cloppers turn to pony-porn because they WANT a strong woman in their lives, and think they've found some in the confident, vivacious Equestrians.

I don't know much about the Struts, but judging by their appearance? I'd guess that they've got A LOT of unresolved issues, mostly having to do with emotional insecurity and not knowing their role in horse society. Now as you probably know by now, I am not usually one to slut-shame or accuse sexually liberated, hyper-feminine-types of being excessively "weak" or "fragile" (I believe such armchair psychology usually tells us more about the petty hangups of the feminists making such claims, than it does about the "sluts" in question, who "do not respect their bodies" or whatever other meaningless term is thrown out there). But I think we can all agree that these horses are particularly extreme cases, and we may indeed have cause to question the Struts level of emotional development. They are obviously compensating for something. If Rio was so smart, why does she feel the need to look like a ten-bit hooker? If Sierra was good at sports, why would she be strutting around in high-heels? It doesn't add up. The Struts are thinly-veiled emotional trainwrecks.

EvilHomer
Also meme, I don't think that there's any evidence to support the idea that cloppers are somehow prone to being "rapists" or "pedophiles", at least no more so than your average population group. This is an accusation that comes up time and time again, in discussions both here and elsewhere, but it seems to be based more on tribal hatred and a desire to be funny, than on any serious observational analysis.

I am certainly not going to suggest that cloppers are healthy and "properly" sexually-actualized. They are not. By and large, cloppers seem to be emotionally stunted and childlike. But I do not believe that they are looking for similarly childlike partners. On the contrary, I believe the bulk of these manchild-cloppers are looking for mature, responsible partners - partners who can take on an adult role, partners who can look after them. Even Fluttershy, who is by all accounts the most vulnerable and demure pony, seems to be lusted after, not because she is helpless or easy to rape (she is NOT, as anyone who's seen The Stare or Flutterbitch can attest), but because she is nurturing and kind.

If cloppers were looking for marks to overpower and rape, this would make no sense. But if they were looking for parental figures to satisfy their needs, this is the sort of thing we'd expect. Therefor, I submit to you that manchild-cloppers do not "require childlike innocence to jack off to, like kidnapper rapists", but are, in general, looking for quite the opposite.

memedumpster
What you don't realize is that...

A.) The horses in MLPFIM are childlike, adults don't behave as they do, which is the point.
B.) You just outed yourself pretty damned hard.

baleen
There is too much text there for me to read about fucking cartoon ponies.

memedumpster
Friend Baleen, of all the damnable places, Something Awful nails the phenomenon above...

"If you ask me, there's no greater bang for your troll buck than trolling bronies; a few sentences of effort on your part will get you upwards of a dozen paragraphs about how you're an uncultured Philistine for not appreciating their desire to jack off to cartoon horses."

Adham Nu'man
I am frightened by EvilHomer. Could somebody call the po-po?

EvilHomer
Memedumpster, it's clear that you've never watched the show before. The Mane Six do *not* act like children. They are all mature, independent adult ponies; they hold down jobs, they deal with responsibilities, and in some cases, they even have to take care of their own families (Rarity with Sweetie Belle, Fluttershy with her animals, Applejack with both Apple Bloom and Granny Smith). Many of the ponies APPEAR to be childlike, because neoteny, but appearances are deceiving: the characters do not display childlike behavior patterns.

Either you're making incorrect assumptions based on their neotenous appearance, or you've seen clips of the CMC (who are indeed childlike) and you've mistaken them for mane characters.

Also, I'm not accusing you of being a Philistine or trying to get you to appreciate clop art; on the contrary, you're better off without it! What I am doing is pointing out that the psychological profile you propose to explain cloppers is wrong. You've got cloppers back to front - they are not predators looking for childlike victims, they are children looking for parents to take care of them. As an illustration, when you contemplate the motives of the ever-growing lop community, don't think DalHusky, think ChrisChan.

Caminante Nocturno
What I find truly funny is that EvilHomer is doing the exact opposite of what memedumpster's stolen quote describes, and he's still succeeding.

Pope Caius
Bronies bear similarities to fans of Katawa Shoujo (the dating sim with the disabled girls). After browsing the KS forums, the more vocal fans didn't focus on the girls' disabilities as much as the fact that in the stories they emotionally healed the player character. It was more sad than perverse in a way.

This led me to compare MLP:FiM to KS, and I found the following: Both feature a cast of youthful, nonthreatening female archetypes, and a lack of males that could provide social or sexual competition. It explains why MLP attracted its particular fanbase while, say, Barbie's Life in the Dreamhouse did not.

EvilHomer
Finally, in what sense have I "outed" myself? You know what I'm like. Over-analyzing everything that's said or done in dense, logically structured walls of text is my thing. Also, ponies.

I really hope you're not just trolling, because you're very smart, and even when you're wrong (which is always!), you have some insightful things to say. If you really don't care to debate the finer points of the clopper psyche, then DISREGARD I SUCK COCKS and all... :(

... but I do think it's an interesting anthropological phenomenon, one that could benefit from some good, well-reasoned investigation.

Caminante Nocturno
Pope Caious feels threatened by Barbie.

memedumpster
I have watched it, no they don't, and you must know no actual adults.

Oscar Wildcat
I think EvilHomer is working for the NSA. That really is a magnificent block of text about fucking horses.

snothouse
She loves sports.
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