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Desc:Muddled Christian attempt to change 'Valentine's day' into 'Keep The Young Folk From Fuckin' Day'
Category:News & Politics, Humor
Tags:sex, lol xians, valentines, comments disabled, consequences are confusing
Submitted:Killer Joe
Date:01/31/14
Views:962
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Comment count is 17
SteamPoweredKleenex
This reminds me of a Dilbert cartoon where Dilbert was trying to write a foolproof smut filter program.


Dogbert: So you're pitting your intelligence against the collective sex drive of all the teenagers who own computers?
Dilbert: What is your point?
Dogbert: Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball it can last a long time in hell?
Quad9Damage
Sexual repression so thick it can't be cut with a Miyabi Knife, topped off with what sounds like the "Cameron takes the heat for the car" theme.
Bort
"We want a relationship that reflects the design of God."

Let's follow that through, kids: God also designed you (he DID design you, right?) to want to start fucking by the age of 12 or 13. If you are not pregnant by 14 -- possibly by your own kin -- you are failing God's design.

And the guy at 1:45 -- "I choose ... to wait ... for the beauty of marriage." Yeah, I bet there are chicks lined up around the block trying to get some of that, huh?
Quad9Damage
Yeah, the whole basis for this"abstinence" and "purity" bullshit becomes a little unstable when early on in the book two daughters get their father blacked out drunk so they can each take a turn on his cock and get pregnant. And there are no consequences.

Gmork
God rapes in mysterious ways.

Adham Nu'man
I'm pretty sure the people behind this video are just trying to prevent their daughters from ever fucking anyone, ever, simply because they are creepy Christian dads who have that whole creepy "daddy's darling" relationship going on.

Hooker
Was that dude considering laying down on the tracks? Just pop your load already, dude. It's a huge weight off.
Quad9Damage
Christians laud abstinence as the most effective method of birth control, yet teaching it to teenagers results in astronomically high teen pregnancy rates. Christians: champions of perseveration in all things.
gravelstudios
You should know better than to think these people care about statistics.

Bort
There are two ways I can look at that:

- The more damning interpretation: their main goal is to punish women for being harlots, and what better punishment than an 18-year sentence of raising a child? These guys hate abortion not because it destroys a life, but because it lets a woman get out of her sentence, and the child is no more than a punishment device.

- The more forgiving interpretation: conservative thought is notoriously shallow these days, and when it comes to these issues, it goes no deeper than: "Abortion? GROSS! Birth control? Awk-warrrd! If kids just said no, we wouldn't have any problems."

Grandmaster Funk
My theory is that there's actually no conflict. Teen pregnancy isn't the enemy, it's the subconscious goal. It's part of a self-reinforcing cycle, an evolutionary adaption.

The commitment to ignorance leads to higher teen pregnancy, which propagates their own kin. In turn, the young mothers and shotgun couples grow up and support abstinence-y stuff (because they now have the worldly wisdom to see what happens when you don't "wait"!), and their kids grow up thinking they can't get pregnant on Sunday or some shit, thus beginning the cycle anew.

Bobonne
Isn't that, like, the actual origin of Valentine's Day? It was originally a Roman festival wherein lots of sex and whatnot happened between the young'uns, and the early Christians tried to change it to a day of celebration of Saint Valentine, with themes of chasteness, purity, and no sex allowed?

And not everyone appreciated that, so some form of it being associated with romance still stuck around, resulting in a less overtly hardcore but still romance-themed holiday that we have today?
Quad9Damage
"Comments disabled" is now my favorite tag.
Adham Nu'man
I choose to wait, because the combination of my pubic chin-beard, large zits and dopey, fish-eyed gaze with my horribly outdated, homophobic and racist personal ethics system means nobody wants to fuck me anyway.
The Mothership
Another fine project brought to you by Liberty Counsel.

http://www.lc.org/

Other projects include 'Adopt a Liberal"

http://www.lc.org/media/9980/adopt_a_liberal.htm
Quad9Damage
I miss shit like this being satire.

Jet Bin Fever
Really horrible Christian poopaganda. I absolutely agree with Bort's comment above about the "design of God." Oh COME ON.

They could've just said something like:
"You know, we're really young, white, and plan on going to college and having careers. So, maybe we shouldn't have sex because our abstinence-only sex education program in this state didn't really educate us on how to protect ourselves and prevent pregnancy."

That would've been a lot more truthful and effective.
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