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Desc:CM Punk is apparently a magnet for manchildren.
Category:Sports, Religious
Tags:wrestling, fat fat fatty, first world problems, cm punk, youtube rage
Submitted:Change
Date:02/14/14
Views:1183
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Comment count is 29
yogarfield
His mobile gut has a beautiful way of animating the wolf.
bluiker
This is the best part of the video now and I can't look away. It's like it's doing sassy head bobs to emphasize his points.

pyslexic dharmacist
+1 for the wolf.

EvilHomer
Oh shit, it's The Ogre!!! I've been looking everywhere for this guy!

And oh no, is Mr Punk really gone?
chairsforcheap
the shrek is real.

Cena_mark
This is what most CM Punk fans look like. Not like Cena fans who are totally badass.

EvilHomer
Actually no, you dork, he's not a CM Punk fan. He makes it perfectly clear that he's one of the few mouth-breathing idiots who still refuses to recognize that CM Punk is the greatest wrestler of this generation.

In case the wolf shirt didn't tip you off, he's a Cena fan.

StanleyPain
it's not actually real, btw

StanleyPain
There's already been a few videos of this guy here.
Cena_mark
CM Chump quit because he's a loser who doesn't care about the WWE Universe and he's scared of Batista.

ashtar.
Wrestling isn't real.

EvilHomer
I'm pretty sure he quit because the WWE Universe is garbage, and he's not scared of Batista, he's just dissapointed. We all are.

The only reason they let that clown back in the squared circle was because the writers were getting sick of their smooth-chested cabana boy, John Cena, being upstaged at every turn by CM Punk's superior abilities both in the ring and on the mic. When you have a face who sucks, you need a heel who sucks more; hence Batista.

Cena_mark
You may find Cena boring, but he has 11 WWE Championships and 3 WHCs. Punk had 3 WHCs, 2 WWE Chapionships, and 1 ECW Championship. So please explain how CM Punk is superior.

EvilHomer
Come on, Cena. You're smarter than this. You know that I know that you know that "Championship wins" are meaningless, since the outcomes of such matches are all determined by the WWE's writing staff. I mean for fucks sake SHEAMUS won the WWE Championship once.

CM Punk is a workhorse; he put in a lot more time than Cena, and hell even Cena's paid more dues than Batisa. CM Punk is a better technical wrestler; he can do more moves, he's got better conditioning, and he doesn't rely on 'roids to bulk himself up in a lame bid to look good for the cameras. And CM Punk is hands down the most erudite wrestler since Chris Jericho. I won't lie, Cena's pretty charismatic, and Cena remembers his lines, which makes him better than your average meathead Main Carder (The Rock, I'm looking at you!)... but CM Punk he is not.


Thank Christ Daniel Bryan is still around.

EvilHomer
Also, CM Punk is straight edge, so he's a better role-model for kids.

The one thing Cena actually does is try to be kid-friendly, and even there he can't measure up to the CMP.

Cena_mark
Cena is a workhorse too. He's the WWE's hardest worker. He works even when he's hurt and when he gets hurt too bad he still is back quick because of his Wolverine like healing powers.
The Championships do mean something. They mean you're the best. Also they only give you the championship if they know you can defend even in a shoot.
Cena may have fewer moves, but he does them well. If I beat you in Street Fighter as Bison only using the Psycho Crusher, I still beat you even if I only used one move.
Cena drinks sometimes, but otherwise he's drug free. The WWE Welness Program doesn't let anyone using illicit drugs wrestle.
Also its cool Punk is straight edge. I'm aware that means he doesn't drink, smoke, or use drugs, but are straight edgers also against going to the gym? Seriously CM Punk needs to lift more weights and put on some muscle.

EvilHomer
Come on, dude. "Working" when he's hurt? You mean, like, doing three moves and then winning a fixed match because Vince has a hardon for you? John Cena could be in a coma and still do what he does.

CM Punk's got plenty of muscles. He's what we call conditioned. He's what people who actually work out and balance their PT with cardio and toning, instead of popping steroids and going for pure bulk, look like. Sure, he may not look as imposing, but at least he won't wind up losing his nuts or murdering his family!

And you could never beat me in Street Fighter. I will Cannon Drill clear up your Bison's asscrack.

Toenails
How has this dialog not mentioned that "it's real to me, dammit!"?

TheOtherCapnS
I have to say I'm still on the fence about this whole Cena vs Punk thing, even though I care about it a lot. I think several long posts will sway me one way or the other. Have at it!

StanleyPain
these are fictional characters, not real people

Cena_mark
Let me tell you Capn Cena is should be your hero. Cena never surrenders and never quits. This mantra has earned him 14 major titles. CM Punk quits. He just walks out on the WWE Universe just because he doesn't get what he wants. He's a coward and a cheater. He boasts the longest title reign in over 20 years, but he only got that due to treacherous means. Ryback should have been champ at Hell In the Cell, but Punk utilized a rogue referee to punch Ryback in the dick while he had Punk in his finisher.
Cena is the man. He's been the WWE's hero for 10 years and will deliver another 10 with HUSTLE, LOYALTY, AND RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!

They are REAL! Though many wrestlers make up creative ring names they are still real people. What's it say on John Cena's birth certificate? It says John Felix Anthony Cena!

yogarfield
Cena, I came here tonight to prove to the world that Professional Wrasslin is more real than you are. You don't actually like this shit, and to prove it I challenge you to a A NO HOLDS BARRED HARDCORE CAGE MATCH. YOU WILL BE THE LA PARKA TO MY IRON SHEIK.

EvilHomer
I don't see how you can say "CM Punk punched Ryback in the dick" and still not realize how awesome he is.

AND AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, CM Punk leaving is REAL. While we don't know for certain yet, it does appear to be a shoot.

Cena_mark
I know a lot of idiots were saying CM Punk quitting was a work. Its not a work. Work is what you do when you have a job and CM Punk quit his. Its the opposite of a work.
Also Punk didn't punch Ryback in the dick it was Brad Maddox. If not for Maddox Ryback would have been champ. FEED ME MORE!

EvilHomer
Well, regardless of who did it, dicks were punched, and that's what counts.

As for not having a job, it's not like the WWE is the only place a guy like CM Punk can find employment. Maybe he'll join a different wrestling promotion? Maybe he'll enlist in the military? Maybe he'll become a professor at Yale or MIT? Or maybe he'll become his own boss; the dude is a multi-millionaire, after all, and it's not like he's blowing his cash on drugs like Matt Hardy or something.

Of course, what's probably going to happen is he'll chill out for a few months, bang some divas, write some novels, and then Vince'll come groveling on his knees to Punk's mansion, begging him to come back to the WWE. The WWE needs Punk more than he needs them, especially now that they've made the mistake of rehiring Batista.

Riskbreaker
Stars for that wolf t shirt
Hooker
Wrestling fans are the best thing about pro wrestling _by far_.
Jet Bin Fever
Our beautiful species.
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