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Desc:Douchebaggery as an artform. Hilarious.
Category:News & Politics, Arts
Tags:deposition, sarcasm, lawyers, Justin Bieber, snide
Submitted:baleen
Date:03/11/14
Views:1947
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Comment count is 39
misterbuns
needs adult baby tag
Scrimmjob
I agree, he really makes some fussy baby faces throughout.

Cena_mark
He totally got that lawyer. That wasn't a film it was clearly digital video. We're talking the difference between a digital process and a chemical process.
Maru
I thought maybe he was referring to artistic merit.

Cena_mark
Maybe he was hoping Yojimbo would be on the monitor and was just disappointed to see himself.

EvilHomer
Maybe it was a really oblique Rashomon reference? "You see, Mr Lawyer, the camera tells it one way. Now let me tell you my version of the story."

EvilHomer
Context? I know next to nothing about celebrity news, and have no idea why he's giving this deposition.

Did Biebs get scooped up on rape charges or something?
Lef
I live half way around the world and don't understand the language here. TV is a stream of colorful images lacking cohesion, the radio is only able to spout oddly familiar phonemes that don't make sense in the order pronounced.

Yet, even in this confused state, I can tell you it is because Justin Beiber fisted his bodyguard with the stick shift of his wrecked Lamborghini while Selina Gomez recorded it on her phone. The tape got out, and now his bodyguard is suing.

oddeye
I really want to google that explanation but I don't really care what the real answer might be and whatever it actually is, your's is almost certainly a better reality. 5 stars

Quad9Damage
Before I stopped giving a shit, I picked up something about his bodyguard punching a cameraman and Bieber and the bodyguard being sued or, something.

EvilHomer
I don't know if I believe you, Lef. It does sound like something Bieber would do, but I think if you were one of his lackeys, getting fisted while Selena Gomez watches would be considered a perk of the job, not grounds for a lawsuit.

sosage
The reporting on this is an excellent example of why I hate online journalism in 2014 (even if it is just stupid celebrity Bieber bullshit). Thousands of articles doing the text version of Bob Saget spoiling what is happening in the video, only one that actually mentions any fucking context.

*drumroll* A photographer is claiming Bieber sicked his bodyguards on him. Not as exciting as fisting.

This video is a cringe-fest battle of the douches. The lawyer's condescending tone as he asks some irrelevant and baiting questions is just asking for a snark sandwich. Unfortunately for us, it's Bieber that's firing back...so every angle of this is just fucking stupid and ugly.

5 for making me wish I had skipped this entirely. I want my 20 minutes of goofing around on the Internet back.

bongoprophet
I so hate TMZ with every fiber of my body and soul
baleen
Me too!

That guy
One of the main reasons I don't live with my old roommate anymore....
He watched tmz as a straight man in his mid 30's, and I used to gently, gently tease him about it. He got pissed.
Pissed.

By the way, I don't recommend or approve of tmz for anyone. I just think it probably has to be most shameful for a grown-up straight man. No?

Quad9Damage
I'm digging the "tough guy attitude" act. It's as awkward and uncomfortable as the jailbait he fucks after concerts.
13.5
I read it as "deportation" :/
infinite zest
I read this as "Deposition," but I thought it was a music video :/

FreeOJ
Wishful thinking.

gravelstudios
The only thing people love more than building up their gods is tearing them down.
SteamPoweredKleenex
Or people could like occasionally seeing the same shit that's thrown at not-rich, not-famous, and not-white people splatter a little on those who use their money and fame as a shield.

Or should Justin declare affluenza?

exy
Most serious case I've ever seen

pastorofmuppets
all my stars for "occasionally"

exy
He sure is manly.

Beebs in 20 years: found dead in upstate NY motel room with a skag-encrusted needle dangling from the crook of his elbow. A semen-encrusted photo of Phillip Seymour Hoffman on the bureau. An obit mention near the bottom of page A7. No one can remember what he used to do.
baleen
He is trying to parrot Marky Mark's career, as long as he doesn't start smoking crack I'm sure he'll be fine.
People like to destroy their Gods, but ritual deicide by the god in question often allows for rebirth into new godhood.

pastorofmuppets
HE IS NO MARKY MARK AND WILL NEVER BE

TAKE IT BACK BALEEN

EvilHomer
Marky Mark bowed out gracefully and destroyed His former earthly vessel quietly and without fanfare. He controlled his death, he controlled his resurrection.

Bieber is being torn to shreds by the angry mob, and bounce back or not, that sort of thing leaves scars which will never heal. He's no Marky Mark, the best he can hope for now is to be a Vanilla Ice.

baleen
Vanilla Ice was entirely fabricated in a studio exec's office, this kid is his own creation, more or less.
I guess this is where we put some money down.
I'm picturing some jail time and then a Bieber version of 8 Mile or Boogie Nights sometime in the next couple years.

EvilHomer
Bieber was created in a studio exec's office, too. Sure, there was the whole "rags to riches" Youtube story, but it's not like the Biebmeister was out on the open road, slaving away for years as some kind of earnest indie-pop singer-songwriter. He was literally just a kid with a webcam until some studio execs decided to turn him into the next big thing.

You're totally wrong. baleen... but I do hope you're right. Bieber is friends with John Waters, and some warped part of me would LOVE to see what they could do together.

Rodents of Unusual Size
HE IS NO VANILLA ICE YOU TAKE THAT BACK EVILHOMER.

At least Vanilla Ice can turn houses. This kid cannot grasp basic tenets of reality.

joelkazoo
Bieber is worth a shitton of money. I can't help but think all these shenanigans are an elaborate plan to get everyone to hate him so he can run off with his money to someplace remote and nobody will bother following him.
infinite zest
"I think I was detrimental to my own career"
what'd he say?
"He said I think I was instrumental to my own career".

God.. I feel sorry for this kid at this point
CIWB
He's being a douchebag to some scumbag lawyer in a cash-grab lawsuit. This is the best thing Justin Bieber has ever done. Granted, that's not saying much.
baleen
Agreed!

1394
Does this mean deposition week is back?
baleen
It's always back!

Jet Bin Fever
Five stars for evil, because I don't fucking care about this person at all and yet am constantly assaulted with information about him.
fatatty
All hail Joffrey. Long may he reign.
Rodents of Unusual Size
English was his second language. Douchebag was his first. Give him a break you guys.
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