Well, ummmm... they're not aliens, at least. That's already more than I'd hoped for, so I won't press my luck.
|infinite zest |
This actually doesn't look that bad, given what it is. I was an armchair TMNT fan when I was a kid, and never knew that people took it so seriously, so the original and Secret of the Ooze were perfect for me, but pissed off a lot of fans older than me who wanted more dark and less Vanilla Ice and product placement (if anything, I was at the age where I wanted more Vanilla Ice and product placement.)
While I doubt this will appease TMNT fans in the way that the Batman reboot did for Batman fans, I think this trailer at least captures the darkness of the series, paired with the "cowabunga" attitude of the Turtles perfectly.
Also if Megan Fox is reading this, Megan Fox, I don't find you sexually attractive. Sorry to have to tell you know this way.
80s Cartoon Turtles were the best Turtles and OG (original-grimdark) TMNT fans are friendless neckbeard douchebags, so you needn't apologize.
But this looks awful. And Ms Fox, you ain't the worst looking bird in Hollywood, but I wanted Ariana Grande to play April. Sorry.
I was a youth when I saw "Secret of the Ooze," and even I noticed how the anti-violence crowd had gotten a hold of it.
If I remember correctly, the only character to use his weapons was Leonardo, and he just stuck his swords in stuff (like a ceiling) and swung from them, as opposed to using them to even mock-fight defeat someone. I believe Michelangelo even used sausages instead of nunchuks in the opening scene.
Well the first one was pretty violent for a kids' movie.. people getting hit with baseball bats and other stuff that I won't spoil for the one person who on here who may have not seen it.. there was a ban at my elementary school because kids would make their own nunchucks or beat each other up with sticks yelling "Turtle Power".
Like we weren't gonna do it anyway.
|Billy the Poet |
Another crap fest from a crap director, but I was a little too old for the Turtles so I'm not going to throw a fit over it. It's too bad they couldn't have gotten a decent director like Del Toro to shoot some of the crazier aspects of the Turtle comics. That at least could have been interesting.
Why are they so fucking huge and creepy faced?
The Jar-Jar Binks effect. Rather than leaving them a tad cartoony-looking yet making them look like part of the environment, they start throwing textures, wrinkles, human-looking eyes, etc. at what are, in essence, cartoon characters until they look like they could star in the next Hellraiser movie.
Also, I don't recall them being quite that tall and behemoth-like before, which kind of made you root for them as underdogs, or so I thought.
A quick image search didn't do much, but I think Donatello was the tall one and Michaelangelo was the short one. In the cartoons they were all shorter than April, but in the movie I think they were taller and definitely bigger than April.
I don't understand what looks so bad about this, yet internet yokels seem to have their knickers in a twist about the whole ordeal. It looks like just another adaptation of TMNT which has been done multiple times throughout the last 2 decades, how is this any different? Are we considering an intellectual property that had a vanilla ice rap song associated with it sacred ground?
It's funny when manchildren get up in arms about changes to commercial products intended to be consumed by children as if it they are a major tragedy that grown ass adults should give a shit about.
This is like complaining about how the McDonald Land characters are illustrated on the paper tray inserts. "This artistic rendition of Grimmace is totally WRONG! My childhood is has been raped!"
There are two things wrong with this:
Michael Bay, one of the worst directors (story-wise) working today.
Megan Fox, the porn actress who somehow keeps getting work in regular movies.
Now, I'd point that out about any film they worked on. I'm not a huge fan of Transformers or TMNT, but I can say that the only good thing about Transformers was Peter Cullen.
I'd just rather a 5 million dollar film be good, re-imagined or not. Bay hasn't delivered on a film I could enjoy without feeling my brain trying to head for the nearest exit. He makes blockbusters that are all action and no substance, and if that brings in money for the studio, great, he's a success. It doesn't mean his films aren't crap.
SPK nails it. There's no way you're going to out-hip the rest of us manchildren by claiming to see nothing wrong with a Bay-Fox production.
mediocrity shouldn't be celebrated or encouraged.
that's really all there is to it.
YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE MICHAEL BAY GETS TO DREAM FOR A LIVING.
Just another caustically shit movie that's loosely based on some rancid scat marketed to kids, of which fuck-bastards violently ejaculate braincells over.
I was expecting a lot worse, but it was only 1:30.
The foot clan is a military faction now? The Turtles were created for the specific purpose of being bioweapons now? Meh, I guess that's better than them being aliens.
This looks like it will be typical Michael Bay everything blowing the fuck up with bad humor fun, but I imagine that all the TMNT fans out there have got to be raging mad at this.
Should be interesting to see how this fares at the box office.
Yeah, I'm disappointed the Foot aren't ninjas. Secret-ninja-cult-in-modern-America was one of the things that really worked in the original movie. Shredder and co. whipping street punks into shape was a cool idea.
Hard to market villains that primarily recruit from a ninja-themed Taliban training camp in the middle of NY, unless the movie has SEAL Team Six blasting the shit out of their eyeballs.
As it is, this trailer probably has more turtle-time than the actual movie. Which will be shit.
|John Holmes Motherfucker |
This is not my thing. I was in my 30s when this was popular. I had to google "TMNT" to find out what it meant. But even I know that Megan Fox is a dumb choice for April O'Neil, and it took me about 10 seconds to come up with I believe to be a much better choice: Emma Stone.
Settle a bet for me? Has Micheal Bay ever done anything that isn't shit?
*ahem* I'll keep saying it, but try watching Pain and Gain. If you vicariously lived through the Sun Gym Gang news stories like I did (still one of the most entertainingly stupid botched crimes in American history) you'll find it entertaining. It also forgoes the normal Bay-esque explosions and shit, except for when, well they actually happened.
Ed Harris is awesome in it, as are Tony Shaloub and Anthony Mackie. Whalberg is typical Whalberg in every movie, but the Rock is charismatic and funnier than usual, and Rob Corddry is a great addition. I'd still only give it a 7.5/10, but overall worth the ride.
I haven't said it yet, but Pain & Gain is an awful, mean, and humourless movie.
The Rock was a lot of fun, though.
"Fun" has now become synonymous with "stupid" when talking about movies, and that's largely Michael Bay's fault.
Do you hear that, Caminante? That's the sound of me rolling my eyes so hard I have reversed the rotation of the Earth itself.
Thanks JHM for indulging in your personal taste in very young women. God, how close are you to kidnapping a teenage girl to hide in your basement?
John Holmes Motherfucker
>>God, how close are you to kidnapping a teenage girl to hide in your basement?
Not close at all. I live in an attic apartment.
Yeah Yeah, JHM is a pervert, blah blah blah...
Am I wrong? The point is that Megan Fox is terrible, so terrible they seem to have made a conscious decision to keep her speaking her lines out of the trailer. You don't think Emma Stone would make a much better April O'Neil?
Incidentally, if I was THAT much of a hound for young pussy, I'm sure I could name six OTHER actresses who would be better than Megan Fox.
Sorry but after all the Boxxy shit, I can't read your comments about you lusting over barely legal women.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Yeah, but I don't really think Emma Stone is that hot, though. Not since Superbad. She was hot in Superbad, but ever since then, she's just been everybody's little sister. She'd make a great April O' Neal, but frankly, I think I'd rather fuck Megan Fox. I don't know. Neither one of them is on my bucket list.
I would like to hear your list of six other actresses.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I can't name six other actresses, that's the point. But I'm certain there ARE six other actresses who would be better than Megan Fox.
Does it make me a terrible person that I actually find JHM's enthusiastic willingness to talk about everything himself more offensive than his obsession with little girls?
Bullshit, John. Just name the first six actresses that pop into your head, and I can virtually guarantee you they'd make better Aprils than Megan Fox.
The gentleman doth protest too much...!
John Holmes Motherfucker
Mae West, Sigourney weaver, Helen hayes, Merril Streep, Emma Thompson, The skinny chick ftom Twilight.
How many is that?
John Holmes Motherfucker
>>Does it make me a terrible person that I actually find JHM's enthusiastic willingness to talk about everything himself more offensive than his obsession with little girls?
Not really, but it sure doesn't make you an INTERESTING person!
I am not "obsessed with little girls". I am obsessed with one 22 year old woman for reasons having to do with being obsessed with the internet. For Fuck's sake, can't you go impose your obvious, lurid cliches on someone else's life for a little while?
1980's Lea Thompson in a yellow PVC jumpsuit is the way I'd go. I just need a time machine, maybe Lea knows a doctor or someone who has one?
|John Holmes Motherfucker |
Apparently, April spends the whole movie looking at stuff.
That's how journalism works these days dude. You just walk around waiting for stuff to happen and then stream it to your instumbler whatever.
"Here's some Tweets about the Turtles... ilangenstein84 said, OMG that turtle just totally roundhouse kicked that dude in the face lol. While hockeystik2nutz said, bitch*** foot clan just lernd not to mess with New York woopwoop
Still to come, celebrity selfies disrupted by Turtles, what YOU need to know about this disturbing new trend, and don't forget to keep sending in your favorite pictures and videos!"
Well, great, EvilHomer. You've just given the marketing folks more ammo.
bad boys and bad boys II were both fucking amazing, he's some done some good commercial work, the island is off-track enough to work as well. nothing wrong with having a distinctive albeit quite unapologetic style. zack snyder is considered the thinking mans bay but i don't even see that much of a difference stylistically.
but more importantly, everyone here knows jhmf would pick someone he could get emotionally obsessive over like ellen paige or juno temple. let's hear that fucking list if you think i'm off the money there you bulbous patchilated impotent rancid abscess of a genetic dead end, and more about how specifically you'd fuck megan fox, prolly wouldn't give a care to her needs you clueless lurching creep
I have no strong feelings one way or the other about this.
Me neither, my only interest at all in this is noting the, shall we say, durability of the franchise considering it started with a black-and-white small press comic that was partly parodying trends in superhero comics at the time, mostly trendy mutants and ninjas. And teenage heroes, of course.
Then TMNT suddenly sort of helped kick off the so-called "black and white boom" of the mid-80s comics market which is usually measured as having started in May 1984, the release of the first-ever issue of TMNT, which had a print-run of 3k, and suddenly got mention in news outlets as an unusual title, piqued interest in buyers, resulting in soaring circulation and back-issue prices which then led to various books attempting to ride in the wake of TMNT flooding comic distributors and shops.
This resulting in a frenzy where new publishers were organized, and all sorts of people tried to get in on the game because printing a black-and-white comic book cost less than it did a color book and the profitability on the enormous distributor orders from the direct market was almost like printing money, and all one had to do was come up with a catchy title or concept and try and sell it, attempting to follow in the Turtles' path or various little flavor-of-the-month trends, and the field became crowded with a lot of people, including a lot of amateurs, pitching any high concept or parody that came into their brains and publishers, quite a few little slapped together outfits, rushed them onto the shelves which quickly became cramped. Speculators and dealers were all trying to cash in. And hey, some of these dodgy titles were in color, from those who felt they could afford to print it as such.
So the bubble had to burst at some point and by the middle of '86 comics retail sales started going down. By early '87 the boom was fading fast and that summer the full “bust” was putting all sorts of careless retailers who'd ordered too many titles that hadn't sold out of business and taking publishers down with them too. The opportunistic knock-offs and other sorts of dreck weren't the only ones who took a hit, so did more wortwhile publishers and retailers and book titles.
Yikes, they look more like "heroes in a half-Shrek".
Remember, kids: Michael Bay is only the film's Producer.
Here's where you should be focusing your hatred...
And four for this being a slice of evil in the portal of evil.
Mikshit Bayshit may not be the director but this trailer has the stench of his putrid, watered-down-with-blood-n-puss eyeball secreted semen all over it.
il fiore bel
Yes, what oddeye said. Being "only" producer doesn't mean he hasn't tainted this film in other ways.
I just can't get over the idea that someone would create ninja turtles ON PURPOSE. Was April's dad not aware that there are some animals which are naturally fast and stealthy? Was he so busy humping science that he never learned what a cat was?
So, as some of you know, I'm a pretty big wrestling fan. To anyone that watches enough pro wrestling to figure out the performers they like and the performers they hate, they usually find out, sometimes without making the actual connection, that the ones they like are the cartoonish buffoons and the ones they hate are the ones that take the performance too seriously. Triple H, for instance, is known for never showing ass, which is a term for acting like a jackass or playing up his comeuppance. A beloved favourite, however, is Kurt Angle. Angle entered the WWF as a legitimate Olympic gold medalist in wrestling, so there was no need for him to act serious. Instead, he went flat out ridiculous, making a mockery of of the Hulk Hogan stereotype. When the Undertaker came out on a Harley, he came out on a vespa. When Steve Austin sprayed Vince McMahon with a hose from a beer truck, Angle sprayed him with a hose from a milk truck. My personal favourite was when, after getting shaved in a hair vs hair match, he wrestled and performed and wrestled for a full moth with a ludicrous wig on.
This show is called TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. Why would they go with the "BOOWWWWWWWWWW ZZZSZZZZRWRWWWWW" sounds, "We need someone to save us!" bullshit? I mean, for fuck's sake.
|Caminante Nocturno |
Nobody involved in the production of this movie noticed how ugly everything looks.
That's kind of funny.
From some angles and with post processing galore, Megan Fox looks almost as good as Jennifer Connolly.
"Why cast Megan Fox" is a question that should be asked any time the budget of the film exceeds the required narcotics for the rest of the cast, the warehouse set, and condom purchases.
I thought Michael Bay had personally kicked her out of the Illuminati. What gives? Has Ms Fox successfully completed her atonement?
il fiore bel
hahahaha "CGI movie"
I still remember the PIZZA HUT commercial that literally came with the VHS tape of the first live action film.
Well, I was in 1st grade when the original live action TMNT movie came out, and I still remember the faces of jaded older turtle fans in the theater rows behind me. I was quite disappointed that the first trilogy never featured Krang, Rocksteady, Bebop, Rat King, Baxter Stockman or the Technodrome. So yeah, when a new Turtles movie came out a while back I checked it out. I just no longer have the desire to see any new interpretations of turtles that doesn't feature the characters and tone that I remember enjoying.
Cherry Pop Culture
I LOVE the first Ninja Turtles movie. The cartoon was okay. I wasn't really into the franchise. But I keep wanting to read the comics. Those look interesting.
|Cherry Pop Culture |
Whoever the Hell told Megan Fox to overbotox her face into a permanent blank expression needs a kick to the 'nads. It pisses me off.
|Jet Bin Fever |
It'll get a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes but still make money and have a few sequels. Glad to see they went the G.I. Joe Extreme route with the turtles. More ridges and muscles always makes for more endearing characters.
The 2012 Nickelodeon series is actually really good.
This... not so much.
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