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Desc:iHate Justine. This makes me want to blow my brains out. Is there an app for that?
Category:Horror, Religious
Tags:apple, apple cult, stupid $hit, not enough autoune
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:04/07/14
Views:1019
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Comment count is 19
John Holmes Motherfucker
UGH. Literally the worst thing ever that isn't the amazing atheist.

iJustine was literally my first youtube subscription. Much as I once installed Bonzi Buddy, when youtube reccommended that subscribe to iJustine, I just went ahead and clicked without thinking. My profound dislike of her unfunny patter and cheap shitty jump cuts grew over time, and this was when I finally unsubscribed. The least she could have done is make it rhyme. She's repeatedly denied being on Apple's payroll. Apple products are nice, I guess, but this fanatical cult of consumerism is so uncool!
tgn1412
why the fuck are you 5 starring your own video JHMF

magnesium
It's like an Apple commercial that's too poorly done to have been actually approved by Apple. I made it ten seconds.

EvilHomer
iJustine is the internet's equivalent of a truckstop hooker. It's all so wrong, but it feels so right.

The only people I've ever subscribed to are Lindybeige and Jordan White, but I guess I can understand your frustration. I don't know why you'd go into something like iJustine expecting substance beyond "cute blonde girl looks cute, blonde", but if that's what you did then your reaction is perfectly understandable.

Has she denied being on Apple's payroll? If true, she's an idiot, because think of how much blood money she'd get from those filthy Apple scum, but it might explain why she had to shill for crap like Mozy and Carls Jr.

EvilHomer
Oh yeah, and five evil stars for Ilsa the iWolf and her Dianic orgy of consumerism.

spikestoyiu
If I were an Apple bigwig, I'd pay her to stop talking about my products.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Five stars for evil. It's not my video; it's my submission. I've been 5 starring my own submissions for ten years and no one has ever objected before.

infinite zest
Yikes! I hadn't heard the original TikTok, only parodies, so I watched this and then the original Ke$ha song.. I don't demand the 8 minutes this process stole from my life back, but here's the thing..

I could see the original song perfect for parody, say, by Weird Al (DingDong? Where someone's at the door and Weird Al doesn't want to answer it because it could be the "package he or-or-orderd from am-am-amazon dot com/or it could be a sta-sta-stalker from weirdalrules.com" so he just stays inside all night.. Nah..) but this isn't even a parody. She's just talking about charging a fucking iPhone. Hey, I have an iPhone too! Sometimes there's people sleeping on the floor at my place and I have to figure out which one's mine because they're all charging on different walls. Luckily you can tell by my distinctive archieluxury ringtone.

Jet Bin Fever
I never thought that I would prefer Kesha to anything.
gravelstudios
Please, somebody tell me that this is some kind of attempt at stealth comedy.
chumbucket
It is autotuning an autotuned song.
TeenerTot
Wtf is this? Who is iJustine?
themilkshark
sheJustine

John Holmes Motherfucker
In the future, scientists believe that we will all be connected to a huge network of computers, an "internet", if you will, and we will be able to find the answer to these questions through special networks known as "search engines". It's going to be a wonderful world.

spikestoyiu
But then I can't be proud of my feigned ignorance!

TeenerTot
No really, I've never heard of her.
And I find the descriptions from commenters here are far more amusing and on-the-nose than Wikioogle.

Mother_Puncher
I don't know who this is but I'm already too stressed out for this shit.
Pope Caius
All of the missed rhymes really bother me
John Holmes Motherfucker
This makes me envy Steve Jobs.
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