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Desc:First Day at a New Job
Category:Accidents & Explosions
Tags:wait for it, First Day at a New Job, OHSA
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Comment count is 28
urbanelf - 2014-06-06
Ouch! Kreutzberger!
The Mothership - 2014-06-06
Needs 'wait for it' tag.
infinite zest - 2014-06-06
I wonder how many people just lie about their experience operating heavy machinery in interviews. I don't, because unlike breaking a few plates or cutting yourself if you lie about restaurant experience, you really can't KILL A LOT OF PEOPLE very easily.
CuteLucca - 2014-06-06
It depends--- if you dump floor cleaner into the gravy or use your nasty feces-hands to slice tomatoes you might!

Killer Joe - 2014-06-06
In my starving college years, I got a job doing construction clean up, and, on the first day, they wanted me to use one of these things to wash windows. I told them dirty windows would be the least of their problems if they gave that to me.

TeenerTot - 2014-06-06
infinite zest - 2014-06-06
I still have a scar from a first day at a new job.. it was this little Italian grocery store/deli and they had a HELP WANTED sign on the grocery side, so I thought "why not: easy transition from the co-op I worked at in the last city." I got interviewed almost immediately, thinking it was cashiering and stocking. The guy even asked me if I had any previous deli experience and I said I didn't, that I'm vegan, but don't mind working around meat, etc. etc.

Anyway I was hired and the first day they put me behind the fucking deli. All the people I worked with were like 5th-generation experts, and then there was me, who thought a Mandolin was only a musical instrument. I'm freaked out because the labels on the scale were either too small to read or just smudged out, so the guy's like "oh yeah muffalata that's #864" and walks away, like I'm supposed to remember that or any other number, as there was no chart. Furthermore, none of the meat or other deli items were labeled from my point of view, so I spent my "lunch break" with a pen drawing every single part of the display case so I wouldn't have to ask the customer to point at it for me. How to cut it? Nobody told me so some people got Proscuitto cuts the size of an average pinky (waaaaay too thick)

Anyway, I was getting the hang of it by about noon when everyone takes off, leaving me alone. Little did I know that the firehouse from across the street comes in there every day, and they all order the same thing for the most part, simple italian sausages. So I was doing that and they brought in some other guy who I never saw again to handle the slicing. Fucker just leaves the slicer on auto when he leaves and it sucks my left hand right in there, peeling off what should be the transparency of a cut of proscutto off of me. I'm sitting there alone bleeding, no phone unless I just yell "help," so I just quickly dress it, put on a dishwashing glove and carry on until the guys get back at which point I grab my cigarettes and bandage myself up in the alley, smoking and crying at the same time.

They never found out about it and I didn't want to complain about shit, because it was my first day.. but hey. This was the same place where I dropped a piece of Octopus salad on the ground (a dog was back there too) and apologetically offered to pay for it before my boss dips it in olive brine and throws it right back in there.

I miss that job :(
infinite zest - 2014-06-06
They turned out firing me after they found out that my wife's dad was manager of the rival meat company.. I guess there was in intermarriage one time back in the 70s and it ended in a drive-by, killing both of them, so I guess it was for my good.

SexualBasalt - 2014-06-06
for christ's sake shut up

memedumpster - 2014-06-06
I'm hoping more and more that IZ was in the Army and is saving those stories for holidays and special occasions. IZ is a "what would Jesus do" for the whole universe. I imagine the cosmos looks at us all and thinks "what would I do to IZ in this situation?"

infinite zest - 2014-06-06
What would the universe do to me? I'm sorry, but this is a nice public forum where the video can be discussed along with personal relative experiences. If I wanted to say "lol he went up then hit his head" I'd probably save that for YouTube.

infinite zest - 2014-06-06
Relative = relevant. Stupid autocorrect.

Robin Kestrel - 2014-06-07
Counterpoint: Never shut up. Never surrender.

svraz - 2014-06-07
Fuck you SexualBasalt. I liked reading that story Infinate Zest. My first real job when I was 16 was a dishwasher at a golf course/country club. They told me to wipe down the deli slicer machine. I did. You can probably guess what happened.

Binro the Heretic - 2014-06-06
And I'm guessing the last.


infinite zest - 2014-06-06
they're too busy filming

infinite zest - 2014-06-06
Also 'OHSA'

Callamon - 2014-06-06
He's and OHSA certified crane operator. Look! it says right there on his certificate.

That guy - 2014-06-06
Jeez, those front wheels coming off the curb pushed me downward really hard!!

Ok, back to work.
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2014-06-06
I immediately had the song "I can fly" from Disney's Peter Pan go through my head.

Gmork - 2014-06-06
yogarfield - 2014-06-06
This is a Skynet Robo-pult Beta test vid? I'll be in a bunker long before they perfect these things.
Chancho - 2014-06-06
The first time I used a boom lift, the journeyman just handed me the keys and said "there you go". I had never been on one in my life. Five minutes later I was 80 feet in the air running conduit to a door motor.
memedumpster - 2014-06-06
Cringe inducing hilarity.
Jet Bin Fever - 2014-06-06
The last guy shouldn't have left it in the catapult setting.
Billy the Poet - 2014-06-07
Give me a lever and a place to stand and I will move the whole world.
Jeriko-1 - 2014-06-07
The driver was still dealing with the unfortunate death of his brother Klaus.
oddeye - 2014-06-07
The fuck dude? You new here or something?
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