michael bay is directing by numbers? why i never
|Caminante Nocturno |
"The first one still thinks it's a real movie."
I like the Half in the Bag revews, but the the guy that screeches over and over as his version of a "laugh" makes me fucking nuts.
I almost feel like getting your movies to sync up like that is a feat in of itself.
"If I don't show up in the first 9 minutes of the final cut then I'm done, I'M DONE!!" - Shia LeBoeuf
Sanest Man Alive
I hate trying to spell LaBeoeuoaeiouf's stupid name right; remembering it isn't worth the effort. As such, it's nice that he's been outed as a plagiarist and a gaping asshole because now I'll never have to write it again.
il fiore bel
Sanest, just call him "the beef." That's what it apparently means in French. Shia the beef. Just like a little fart, yes?
|Adham Nu'man |
Transformers 2 is probably the worst film I have ever seen. Haven't seen the other two films.
The best things written about these movies are two FAQs from a site called Topless Robot.
Transformers 2 FAQ(s):
Transformers 3 FAQ:
There are levels of Hell. Kind of like how I get upset when people call Star Trek Into Darkness mediocre. It wasn't mediocre -- it was a failure of film and storytelling on pretty much every recordable level (outside of $$$), propped up by the barely explained presence of Robocop and Better Spock and constant plot twists that didn't make any fucking sense.
The first Transformers was braindead, but at least tethered its stupidness with a plot progression that you could easily follow. Like, the decepticons want The Allspark and the autobots want to stop them from getting it. There's some stupid shit and a lot of extraneous characters that show up along the way, but there's at least a unifying goal that's pretty clear throughout the movie.
In the case of Transformers 2, pretty much every conflict comes out of nowhere and is usually dependent on Shia LeBeouf being needed for something vague and not being around any Autobots for some (usually no) reason. It's about finding more allsparks, then its about how Shia LeBeouf has brain secrets, then it's about bringing Optimus back from the dead, then its about finding the Matrix of Leadership, then Optimus kinda just comes back, then it's about beating The Fallen and stopping a sun machine from destroying the planet and... ugh.
Transformers 1 sucked, but at least you can make the argument that it's still a movie with a base level of attention to continuity and stakes. Transformers 2 is basically just a fever dream of loosely connected "visually-incomprehensible fist fight scenes" that refuse to adopt any sense of internal logic whatsoever. It's not a movie, it's a special FX reel, and a terribly boring one.
y'all ever notice how transformers 1 be like gatherers and transformers 2 be like hunters
tform1 always huntin through the cable channels with the remote clickin and clackin away
but but but tform2 be like find a show and leave it there
and y'all KNOW that tform1 never puts the seat down when it goes piss lordy lordy tufiakwa
Different strokes, Hooker.
I've always felt the same way about the Star Trek/Star Wars/Indiana Jones films, yet everyone has strong opinions about how those movies rank. I still can't understand why so many self proclaimed IJ fans hate KotCS so much.
il fiore bel
Transformers 1 I wasn't too terribly judgmental about, it was new and I felt like watching shit blow up.
But later on I accidentally tuned into the second to see a little weird horny robot trying to hump Megan Fox's leg, and I knew whatever hope I had for the series was gone. I changed that channel pretty quickly.
Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls is almost as bad as Transformers 2,
Holy shit, the new one is nearly 3 hours long. I can't even imagine.
"Junkyard explosion" is apt
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