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Desc:Because they can.
Category:Crime
Tags:FUCK YOU
Submitted:infinite zest
Date:07/18/14
Views:1629
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Comment count is 52
Sudan no1
5 for the category/tags.
Oscar Wildcat
Agreed. Perfect tag/cat/description.

divinitycycle
Seconded

Oscar Wildcat
What is so threatening to everyone about new stories?

I have a new business model for the industry. Every year, release a remake of the same movie. So you'd have Batman (2012) then Batman (2013) then Batman (2014) etc etc. Like software, each year upgrades the old Batman story with some new gimmick. A fancy car made of nanotubes, or wolf urine spray guns. But the story is pretty much the same.

I know, you're gonna say we're already there. But my conception is much more explicit. These aren't serials. This is the same damn thing, every time. I think it could really work.
dairyqueenlatifah
So you're saying the film industry should follow the video game industry.

Oscar Wildcat
Like the bastard child of the video game and the fast food industry.

infinite zest
I was young enough when 12 Monkeys came out to not really know what to expect: I think the 13-year-old me was expecting a Bruce Willis action movie mixed with time travel, and the name Terry Gilliam meant nothing. I bought a ticket to A Goofy Movie or Toy Story and went into 12 Monkeys instead, left confused and disappointed. Bruce Willis didn't jump out of a building or push the bad guy out of a perfectly good airplane, tear someone's scalp off and say a catchphrase like "don't lose your head" things I was conditioned to expect from R rated movies of the time. And there weren't even any monkeys.

But I couldn't get the fucking thing out of my head. As a result I researched Terry Gilliam, found out he directed my favorite movie in the world at the time (Time Bandits) got obsessed with Brazil and the rest, and decided to base my comparative literature major in film studies because of him and this movie.

The difference between a story like 12 Monkeys and Batman is that the story itself is a big red herring, and if you watch La Jetee there isn't a whole lot owed except for the very idea: it's not a remake it's a love letter from Gilliam to Marker. Arguably you could say the same about Nolan's Batman, or Snyder's Watchmen (Gilliam turned down the opportunity to direct it) they're

infinite zest
eh you get the point :)

The Mothership
Cool story brah.






























also mirrors my 12 monkeys story.

That guy
There are so many IPs that they haven't beat to death yet.

Where's my Cap'n Crunch movie?
Where's my Facts of Life reboot?

C'mon Hollywood.

kingarthur
I predict the end comes when they remake Breakin' followed by a remake of Breakin' 2.

infinite zest
Kingarthur I think they pretty much did. I didn't see any of the Step Up or the myriad transfigurations of it, but I'm pretty sure they have the same plot.

infinite zest
Ugh. I was curious because Breakin kind of defined that whole overused plot device (girl learns on the streets what she never could at dance academy blah blah blah) and while there's no Breakin remake, I accidentally discovered a story about Peter Weir and Daniel Day Lewis doing a remake of Fitzcarraldo, conveniently posted on April 1st 2008.

Judging by the forums, people were immediately outraged but then when they found out it was a joke they were like "oh that actually could've been kinda cool." I'm not against remakes: Jackson's King Kong did things the original couldn't, as did the new Cosmos. And at the risk of being tarred and feathered, the new Godzilla wasn't that bad. "Because they can" isn't necessarily a bad thing: King Kong fought realistic dinosaurs as the camera followed him down a cliff, Godzilla roars right in your face in beautiful 3d and Cosmos didn't just have "better" special effects, but a lot more facts about our universe that Sagan could only speculate upon.

12 Monkeys on the other hand was perfect like most Gilliam films. Even a Brazil or Munchausen remake would make more sense as it relied heavily on the visuals. And while this isn't a movie I see it playing out a lot like the Dharma in Lost.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Manos 2: Satanic Boogaloo

Known quantities are easier to sell. Not only to audiences, but to investors and studios and networks.

Syd Midnight
Watchmen was a good example of a 9 hour movie being presented in 2 hours so the audience doesn't know what the fuck is going on. LotR would have sucked if they had to do it all in one movie.

Hooker
WHAT? NO!

That was my immediate reaction when I saw the title of this on the front page. It's still my immediate reaction. I'm now going to watch the trailer.
Hooker
It's still my immediate reaction.

Hooker
I am so unbelievably angry and I know I shouldn't be but I am.
Syd Midnight
While I was watching it the thought "this is like watching a turd emerge from someones mouth" occurred to me

Oscar Wildcat
In the late 80's a TV remake of Nic Roegs "The Man Who Fell To Earth" was made.

So. I can take it. Go on SyFy channel. I eat shit like this for breakfast. This just makes me stronger. YOU CAN'T KILL ME, YOU FUCKERS!
Needtodestroy
Peter K. Rosenthal? Is that you?

MyNameIsUnimportant
But the original (La Jetee) is only 52 years old!
Robin Kestrel
It's a series, not a remake, sort of like they did with Fargo.
infinite zest
I've only seen one episode of Fargo and it works because of the setting and the characters, not the story. As far as I know it's a completely different story and Key & Peele are the only people who are actually in Fargo itself. Maybe I'm wrong (I really like what I saw) but that's completely different from 12 Monkeys.

While I can assume we've all seen the movie, I do my best not to spoil things, just say "red herring" a bunch, and from this trailer it's taking from the thing that, for me anyway, was the least important part of the film. Also, Scifi did Dune. Remember Dune? Where's daddy's drinkin' cap!

That guy
Fargo the series is unwatchable; please tell me you're kidding.

Mocos Locos
Shut the fuck up.

That guy
k but it sucks, k?

infinite zest
From what I saw, Fargo the TV show has as much to do with Fargo the movie as True Detective the TV show has to do with True Detective comics.

Jet Bin Fever
Not my favorite Gilliam by far, but whatever... still makes me upset somehow.
fluffy
What do you want to bet they gave it a happy, conclusive ending this time?
Rodents of Unusual Size
This looks fucking horrible.

The original was so incredibly well done, and surreal on top of that. Every bit of originality or edge has been stripped from the story and now it looks like a UPN "thriller" from the late 90s. Ugh.
Nikon
I was going to comment on how crappy the cinematography looked. As you said, there's no reason to remake 12 Monkeys.

The Mothership
I agree with both of you, completely.

roofle
Nowhere Man 2.0
roofle
aka this is getting cancelled so fast

infinite zest
Nowhere man was filmed in my neighborhood growing up. Never saw it. I don't think anyone did.

TeenerTot
Really? Where did your neighborhood grow up? ....bu-dum-dum!

Rodents of Unusual Size
It really does have the same lethargic look to it.

That guy
Where is the SyFy headquarters?

Mass poetv protest?
That guy
I had to go look this up.

Is real.

EvilHomer
You guys, it might actually be good!
EvilHomer
Like, you know how the movie never really went anywhere? They just sort of ended it, didn't really leave room for sequels? That was lame. Now, though, SyFy has an opportunity to fix that problem! The first week Cole could be tracking down the Army of the 12 Monkeys. But then the next week he could go back to the future and get a new mission! And then a new mission after that! Brand new assignment each week, just bouncing around history, facing all new villains in different time periods. Maybe Jeff Goines could join Cole as his time-traveling sidekick; Goines was really funneh, I laughed at those silly faces he made! And maybe they could finally explain WTF the deal was with all those giraffes?! Like, did THE GIRAFFES mess up the future, by stomping all over people's cars, or...? idk so confusing!

kingarthur
The SyFy logo is the cherry on top of this turd sundae.
That guy
Yep.
There's a fully-formed puppet & fanboy brigade on the IMDb message boards, already defending this steamer.

Nominal
Syfy desperately trying to get their own "Lost" show, just like they did with their The Prisoner mini-series.

This looks to be about as good as that went.
Hooker
It was AMC that did The Prisoner remake, although I thought it was fine until the ending, which was incoherent and baffling. Although, the original didn't really wrap things up very well either.

Aelric
I thought, the whole time, that this looks like TV production values trying to be a movie. And then it turned out I was right. Go figure!
Billy the Poet
Dear Mr. Man,
When you are getting out-acted by BRUCE WILLIS, it's time to re-asses your career.
cognitivedissonance
Guys, seriously, it's a remake of a remake of a 28 minute long photo collage. Boners of rage down.
Juice Eggs McKenna
Can't see the video but I'm holding out for a time-period-hopping-save-history Quantum Leap/Voyagers style show starring a raving lunatic and a homicidal convict.

Hey a man can dream, right?
Nominal
What's with all the pedantic "12 Monkeys was already a remake of an obscure French indie film that I get points for knowing about!" comments?

Way to miss the point. Remakes can be great when they expand on the story elements or visuals of the original, such as The Fly and The Thing.

This is nowhere near the case with 12 Monkeys. There is no way a low budget TV show is going to look better than the Gilliam movie. The story is going to be padded with Lost style soap opera filler in an attempt to spin a 10+ hour tail of soulful nuanced intrigue by a writer untalented enough (most likely a recent NYU grad) to work on SyFy productions.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I can't imagine anyone being happy sitting through a ten hour plus version of 12 Monkeys to arrive at the same ending as the movie. You're only willing to invest so much time in that kind of payoff. So I think there are going to have to be big changes.

My prediction? I'm not going to watch it.

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