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Desc:That's me at the very end. I was drunk when I submitted this and on mushrooms when they filmed it.
Tags:candy, eat shit and die, i came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum but im
Submitted:infinite zest
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Comment count is 33
Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2014-07-22
Considering you were drunk you showed remarkable foresight to use the past-tense when you typed "I was drunk when I submitted this" *while* you were actually submitting it.
il fiore bel - 2014-07-22
I missed the hopper phase. Was that description present then, or did he edit it since it was accepted?

infinite zest - 2014-07-22
Nope. I mentioned this on here a while ago but was like "Nah.." even though a couple of people wanted to see it. I was walking home from a friend's show brown bagging a mikes hard lemonade and thought "why not." It stemmed from a conversation I was having with the keyboard player about how one of the bands I'm in's songs is in the Lego Movie and when I got a check it was for six cents.

il fiore bel - 2014-07-22
Well, hel-lo there, Mr. Infinite Sexy Backward Hat. I see we've been holding back.
Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-22
Oh god it just struck me that he looked a lot like Scott Baio. BWAHAHAHA!!!!!

memedumpster - 2014-07-22
That's so mean, Oscar!

He obviously favors M. Night Shyamalan.

Incidentally, this conversation is why I will never be drunk enough to submit the media I have been in to poeTV (I look like Corey Feldman).

EvilHomer - 2014-07-22
Corey Feldman? Buuullllllshit. Now you've got to submit it, so we can compare!

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-22
Submit, you bastard! SUBMIT! ( the button is appropriately named, no? )

BorrowedSolution - 2014-07-23
Oddly enough, I kind of imagined MD looking like Corey Feldman. Sorry, guy.

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-22
POETV's answer to Zelig.
EvilHomer - 2014-07-22
You're a Santa Claus doll?
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2014-07-22
I'm shallow so five stars for you because you were and possibly are still a hot skater punk.

If we ever meet perhaps I'll give you some bubblegum.
Sudan no1 - 2014-07-23
POE caste system:

1. Hot Skater Guys
2. Bouncers
3. Tim and Eric Fans
3. Weeaboos
4. Shills
5. Weeaboo Shills

cognitivedissonance - 2014-07-23
I'm not any of those things.

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-23
I am John Galt. Where does that fit in?

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-22
I think in an emergency I could probably pass for a bouncer as long as I didn't have to actually do any bouncing.

fedex - 2014-07-22
infinite zest - 2014-07-22
Ha that was my best friend and I; we were walking around Madison half assedly looking for a.. Shit I can't remember what we were doing. I just happened to be wearing an m&ms t shirt that day and we walked past a big semi truck that said "m&ms" and I crossed the street as best I could but they stopped me. Then I was like "whatever.." but I kept fucking up my lines so they cut me out. This must have been the fifth take because I kept saying "what the fuck." Anyway we left and that was that. We just signed some paper.

But then I got a phone call from the Mars corporation asking if I'd join the screen actors guild. I was like "?" but the commercial was chosen to go national and wanted to know where to send our checks. I had just lost my job and was considering dropping out of college because I couldn't afford textbooks much less pay the rent on time. I didn't have tv so I never saw it but I guess it was shown at the Super Bowl, the Oscars, and just all the time. What was great was that I had enough money because of it to finish college and subsequently pay off my student loans. The bad news was I got "you're the m&ms guy" everywhere I went: I was at a Guided by Voices show and Bob Pollard recognized me and asked me if I'd like to join them on stage and I was so embarrassed. Now the commercial is being used at advertising schools as an early example of viral advertising (for context this was at least 3 years before the first YouTube video.)

Funny thing is I found that shirt for like a dollar and was wearing it ironically because I'm a vegan.

Scott Baio?!?
Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-22
Are their sausage flavoured m&ms?

But that's some pure Horatio Alger shit right there, IZ.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2014-07-22
Don't be embarrassed. Just curious, did you ever pursue acting? Most people would kill for that opportunity. I know several talentless theater majors that are among those people.

The best part of this is they set you up on your student loans. I am really happy for you because shit, dude, these days paying off your student loans is about as rare as finding a gold shitting leprechaun on the moon.

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-07-22
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

- Auguries of Innocence - William Blake -

ashtar. - 2014-07-22
sell out. you used to be cool.
Jet Bin Fever - 2014-07-22
Did they pay you in M&Ms?
pressed peanut sweepings - 2014-07-22
Laughed so loud at the last line. Most definitively mushroom talk.
Robin Kestrel - 2014-07-22

because seriously i have drugs
EvilHomer - 2014-07-22
I was in an M&M's commercial once, too. I'm not proud of what I did. It was on one of those old timey film reels, they had it stored in a backroom closet. I was alone, I was a little drunk, it just look so tight and inviting...
il fiore bel - 2014-07-23
So? Is it true what they say about the green ones?

infinite zest - 2014-07-23
ROUS I used to be an Opera singer, nothing huge because I was a Soprano but I was Miles in Britten's Turn of the Screw and Amhal in Menotti's Operetta of the same name. I was also on a long-forgotten Portland Cable Access call-in Chess Show, and although a lot of it is archived I can't find myself. They were in a punk rock band and needed some sort of "Yankee Doodle Dandy" kid. Kind of introduced me to punk. In high school though I was pretty much a Bassoonist and because of that I got transferred around to whichever school had an orchestra and was never cliquey enough to get any good parts in plays so I gave it up. I'm currently writing a television show (which will more likely be a web show but we can dream.)
infinite zest - 2014-07-23
oopsies, reply to ROUS. Also there are no Sausage flavored M&Ms but I liked that shirt because it was old enough that it said "PLAIN" instead of "MILK CHOCOLATE." So really I was advertising something that hadn't existed for years.

fluffy - 2014-08-31
Did you ever get an answer to your question?
Waugh - 2014-09-04
A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
Old_Zircon - 2015-07-22
IZ I saw your east coast doppelganger tonight.
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-07-22
Was he a bouncer???

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