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Desc:Filthy bookstore hippies mock literature's most beloved drunken hacks
Category:Arts, Humor
Tags:drinking, books, poetry, literature, OH NOES MISANDRY
Submitted:Xenocide
Date:08/27/14
Views:1515
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Comment count is 44
OxygenThief
Mallory Ortberg's writing on The Toast is so great.
TimidAres
Are all American women like this? Or do the ones like these just scream the loudest on the internet and drown the rest out?
OxygenThief
#notallwomen

Old_Zircon
The answer to the question "do the ones like these just scream the loudest... and drown the rest out?" in any context is always "yes."

Also these jokes have been around for years, but I remember them being better written last time I heard them.

I really don't have much room for Henry Miller or Bukowski but the real problem isn't the writers so much as their fans. Plus most female novelists are just as bad in their way, they just don't usually get plugged by the Times Literary Supplement.

Xenocide
If you encounter an American woman, just tell her "Stay away from me."

If she persists, tell her "Mama, let me be."

Be alert, as she may come a-hangin' 'round your door.

memedumpster
What's the difference between Bukowski's couch and Freud's?

GET OFF MY COUCH YOU FUCKING WHORE!

Sanest Man Alive
It is as you say, good sir; our women all are exactly this terrible. We poor, beleaguered American men can't even say hello to a woman or screw in a lightbulb without first bracing ourselves for the inevitable evisceration of our authoring abilities. Oh, TimidAres, please tame our rebellious women with your penis, you hero of the beach!

Cena_mark
She can only perform her stand up comedy if its at a book store and called "poetry".

TimidAres
I never said American men were inferior, or pushovers. In fact, the way your females act it seems youre TOO overbearing.
Youre oppressing them.
Or maybe you arent doing enough for them.
Or maybe they just want to get rid of men altogether.
I really cant keep up with the narrative, it seems to change bi-weekly.

Merzbau
beep-boop

fe-males do not compute

robut is sad

John Holmes Motherfucker
The narrative doesn't really change, it's more than one narrative. Everybody has their own gender politics, that's why it's all such a mess. It's also why people fight tooth and nail over tiny semantic distinctions, because it's so personal to them.

countvelcro
how many female novelists to screw in a lightbulbs? Her relationship with her mother was fraught with misunderstanding and resentment.
TimidAres
How many female novelists to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they'll whine about being "oppressed" until a man does it for them.







Then they will whine about gender equality because the patriarchy is keeping them down, and women can do anything a man can.
Thus the Ouroboros continues.

Chocolate Jesus
Wow, good one Ares! You never disappoint me.

Xenocide
How many hypersensitive male posters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Someone had made a joke at the expense of men on the internet. His clever and groundbreaking "Get me a sandwich" post to Anita Sarkessian's Twitter would have to wait. There was a war to be fought. He applied an extra coating of Axe body spray, just to be safe.

memedumpster
This is preposterous.
How big of a lightbulb does it take for men to even screw in one?

OxygenThief
I have a sneaky suspicion TimidAres likes to insert himself unprompted into conversations between strangers with the starting phrase, "Mind if I play Devil's advocate?".

infinite zest
I only made it about a minute in. How many of this person does it take to tell a lightbulb joke with the proper timing?

That guy
My name's That guy, and I endorse this ice breaker.

infinite zest
oh that was a mean thing to say. I really appreciate everything you guys do and Katherine Dunn's one of my favorite novelists. Can I have your friend's number? The one right behind you? No, not her..

That guy
She's blocking you on purpose.

Spaceman Africa
I think TimidAres is putting on some redditor schtick to get some badly needed attention.

That guy
Well, everything collapses into pretty basic forms for you, so I'm not surprised.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>Thus the Ouroboros continues.

Boy, does it ever!

TimidAres
I really just find SJW types insufferable.

Next, post a bunch of MGTOW guys cracking jokes about Rand, Rowling, Austen, and maybe the Bronte sisters.
Im sure the result would annoy me just as much.

Old_Zircon
Rand, eh?

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>Next, post a bunch of MGTOW guys cracking jokes about Rand, Rowling, Austen, and maybe the Bronte sisters.
Im sure the result would annoy me just as much.

Hard to imagine those guys reading anything you can't fap to.

That guy
I thought this would be way worse. 4 for skills.

Half a star off for the last joke, and a few others, that could have really pointed at novelists of any stripe.

Half a star off for the fucking sound. Pro tip: turn the volume up so she doesn't have to eat the mic the whole fucking time.
Old_Zircon
Yeah, I didn't finish it because of the sound and because of the jokes being mostly old, but it's not particularly bad, just unremarkable.

infinite zest
Most of them are so non-sequiturial that they don't really qualify as lightbulb jokes. It'd be easy to insert a quantity into the quote. But maybe that's the point, I dunno.

infinite zest
I mean here goes, How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Less Than Zero. See?

Old_Zircon
I just wish I could remember where I've heard these jokes before. It was 2 or 3 years ago.

infinite zest
It was probably this

http://the-toast.net/2013/11/04/male-novelist-jokes/

It was going all about the facebooks. Same person.

Old_Zircon
Ah, OK. I probably heard them from someone who heard them of Facebook then. I take back my main criticism then.

infinite zest
I mean, the "you wouldn't understand" one works perfectly, as does another, but it'd be easy to make it like "how many.." "Just one man, but he changed it in the wrong building in New York City.." etc. etc. These punchlines are just some quotes from some reading books what without pictures.

jreid
Never answers the goddamn question.
John Holmes Motherfucker
One, provided he's sober.

John Holmes Motherfucker
This seemed a little too long, but I suppose that's a big part of what a reading like this is for. Some of these were really funny.
Scrimmjob
-1 star for not mentioning fly fishing.
Hooker
This wasn't funny at all and everyone was laughing. Five stars on the Carlos Mencia scale?
countvelcro
actually, I thought it was pretty on the nose about male novelists. But female novelists have their shortcomings too, especially in literary fiction.
Binro the Heretic
...

What kind of novels is she reading?
Pope Caius
Male and female writers have been at each other's throats for centuries. The fact that this video lampoons male novelists in particular is interesting - in its early days, the novel had a primarily female readership, and so it took a while for the novel to be taken seriously as an art form.

Female authors are mocked all the time, especially by other women, (see the dozens of LiveJournal pages devoted to "Mary Sue" characters that are surprisingly still kicking).

So, this is nothing new, but I always enjoy a chance to lecture.
pastorofmuppets
would
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