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Desc:You too can be reunited with your childhood duck friend in heaven if you pray hard enough.
Category:Religious, Pets & Animals
Tags:Duck, christianity, Heaven, white people, prayer
Submitted:betamaxed
Date:09/17/14
Views:1114
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Comment count is 18
Kid Fenris
Sorry, kid! According to most branches of Christianity, animals don't have souls! And according to the godless liberal heathen propagandists who run public schools, neither do you!
infinite zest
Yeah. I was raised episcopalian so everything was taken pretty loosely, but when my rats died when I was a kid or my turtle ran away or something, they'd tell me about the Rainbow Bridge, the little heaven for animals, probably so I wouldn't do anything stupid and try to join them. He's up there playing with your other rats, not in the freezer until the ground thaws. :)

ashtar.
that's Valhalla

ashtar.
The nurse when we put my dog to sleep kept going on about the fucking rainbow bridge. New-agey spiritualist pollyanna bullshit was pretty much the least helpful thing anyone could have said at that point. I really really wanted to stuff her stupid crocs down her stupid face hole.

Old_Zircon
Thank goodness I grew up in heathen Massachusetts, when we had to put my cat to sleep in 6th grade the vet came to our house and gave him the shot and my mom and I cried and buried him in the back yard and that was that.

I sometimes envy the instant community that comes with religion but that's it.

poorwill
Sorry, only rats and turtles that die in battle cross the rainbow bridge - your pets are roasting in hell.

Bobonne
There is no roasting to be found in Niflheim. Only endless greyness and contributing their nails and claws to Hel's longship.

poorwill
Hey, Hel's gotta eat.

badideasinaction
I've crossed the Rainbow Bridge - you end up in Buffalo, and it's really shitty there and you drive as fast as you can on the 190 to get the hell out of there.

Syd Midnight
The vet gave me a copy of the rainbow bridge after I had my cat euthanized, and it made me so pissed off that I actually felt a little better

mashedtater
When you die, you'll wanna do blow with John Belushi, but no you are going to be stuck hanging out with Quackie.


Who am I kidding? Angel duck as companion sound pretty cool.
betamaxed
I love the little crucifix made of popsicle sticks.
IrishWhiskey
You have to marvel at the lack of self-awareness that comes from using heaven exactly like the 'farm upstate where Rover went to live but we can't visit him', and still thinking it's real.
SteamPoweredKleenex
The concepts of the afterlife presented by religions these days show a complete lack of imagination.

"You get a bunch of virgins, sex, earthly delights, a mansion, etc."
"Why? My body's dead. I should basically be able to control my own reality here, and if I could, why would I pander to a reward system that's currently rotting or being cremated? Come to that, what am I thinking and sensing with?"
"Uh... we made you a new body!"
"With all the limitations of the previous one? Seriously? Fuck, you guys give fewer upgrades per iteration than Apple does!"
il fiore bel
I hate to break it to you, kid, but your Quackie got sick from being a little gang rapist to the Quackettes around him. He's going to hell.
EvilHomer
What's with all the negativity in the comments? For fuck's sake, people, the poor kid's duck is dead. Show a little respect.
jaunch
Did anyone else notice that the kid also arrives in heaven as a child? As in, he's about to die soon? Kind of shitty, if you ask me.
BiggerJ
If consciousness continues past death and there is a greater reality free of the laws of our physical universe, then fuck yes I would want a duck companion. It would be a loving reminder that absurdity is a human invention.
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