This is why I use E-ZPass.

A few years back there was a gang of wild turkeys operating under an unusually aggressive male terrorizing a few houses in the town where my parents live. They did this exact same thing to me.

The original article about them is down, but somebody reposted it here:

http://forum.dvdtalk.com/other-talk/548770-so-i-may-not-get-my -mail-due-hordes-marauding-wild-turkeys.html

something something republicans, am i right?

You let me wet my trunk a little, eh!

I picture a douchebag rolling up with a camera in his lap and asking, "Am I being detained? Am I being detained?" over and over again.

Then a cavity search.