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Comment count is 26
Old_Zircon - 2014-11-20

I have an ancestor who was hanged for stealing dozens of horses and killing an old lady back in the 19th century, and another one from around the same time who had his hand cut off in a farming accident and got it replaced with a pitchfork.

One of my distant cousins owns the pitchfork now.

TeenerTot - 2014-11-20

I have no neat family history stories. The one guy who would have provided cool stories - my Italian grandfather who lived in Chicago- wasn't talking. So I guess he was what you'd think a Chicago Italian was.

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-11-20

Great grand-dad beat a man to death with a folding chair in prison. Oscar attributes his general lack of patience to this man.

Old People - 2014-11-20

All of my relatives are bouncers.

Retardo Montebaun - 2014-11-20

mine were all carpenters, I can barely saw a board.

cognitivedissonance - 2014-11-21

My mom's line comes from extremely old money, landed British aristocracy that still exist. At least one of them sits in Parliament right now.

My dad's line is a bunch of Irish thieves, but I had a uncle who was Henry Kissinger's personal security guard for decades.

Change - 2014-11-20

my great-great-great grandma apparently shot a canadian militant back in the 1800s

fuck you snow weasels

Retardo Montebaun - 2014-11-20

as a snow weasel I can accept that

Maggot Brain - 2014-11-20

According to family lore my ancestor that fought in the American civil war was captured by south, escaped, and promptly walk home to Boston.

spikestoyiu - 2014-11-20

My dad led a pretty notorious biker gang here in the east coast for a decade or so. I've got a scrapbook full of newspaper articles about him. I can't even imagine what kind of terrible shit he's done. My grandfather (not even my paternal grandfather!) was a bank robber of some sort. The bar for badassery in my family has been set impossibly high. I'm just a wiener.

misterbuns - 2014-11-20

that's beast

misterbuns - 2014-11-20

My family had a blood feud with Linda Ronstadt's family over stolen horses in Tubac Arizona in in the late 1800's.

spikestoyiu - 2014-11-20

I first read that as Tupac

misterbuns - 2014-11-20

:D :D :D :D

Well, Tupac IS a Time Lord.

Oscar Wildcat - 2014-11-20

You're no good, you're no good, you're no good,
Mr. Buns, you're no good.

yogarfield - 2014-11-20

"great-grandfater" is my new go-to insult.

TeenerTot - 2014-11-24

Sorry I fixed it.

yogarfield - 2014-11-24


STABFACE - 2014-11-20

My Great-Uncle Bubbie was a NYC Longshoreman and once chased some dude down a pier with a Docker's hook and ended up ripping one of the dude's buttcheeks off.

That's pretty much the extent of ancestor badassitude I'm aware of.

roofle - 2014-11-20

Is this family history hour?

My grand-dad was a Golden Gloves champ in Chicago, got his eye knocked out the socket when he faced the Polish champ in an international fight and lost the match. Then he was a fireman for a long time, and went to serve in WW2. He wasn't right in the head though after his time in the war, and during all of this he was killing people for the mob in secret.

But he started going nuts, and one day he went to a pizza place, blew some guy's head off with a shotgun because he thought the "japanese" were coming out of the cabinets of his house. Served some time, not nearly enough, thanks to corrupt politician friends who knew him. Some years later he killed another guy with his bare hands and was finally locked away for a longer time because of the small public outrage of him being out in society to begin with.

I'm thinking of writing a book one day about this shit, it all sounds ridiculous.

spikestoyiu - 2014-11-21

Well, did they ever check his cabinets or what?

roofle - 2014-11-21

The world may never know.

oddeye - 2014-11-20

My father is God and I am God too.

Needtodestroy - 2014-11-21

My great grandmother was a charlatan during the turn of the 1900's who pulled "ectoplasm" out of her mouth and nose depicting pictures of passed loved ones to paying customers.

ashtar. - 2014-11-21

This is all a lie. Anderson is a reptilian and all his ancestors were from the same identical silver-haired iguana clone-cohort.

cognitivedissonance - 2014-11-21

So, um, being the direct heir of Cornelius Fucking Vanderbilt isn't evil enough?

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