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Desc:If you look very closely, there's a storm trooper that isn't caucasian. Most overlook that shot.
Category:Classic Movies, Trailers
Tags:Star Wars, J.J. Abrams, episode vii, The Force Awakens, a flying usb drive
Submitted:Hugo Gorilla
Date:11/28/14
Views:1828
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Comment count is 84
John Holmes Motherfucker
I sort of hope this bombs, so Abrams can concentrate on those terrific Star Trek movies.
ashtar.
The first one looked like you'd just undergone a glaucoma test, the second one just sucked. Lost sucked. Abrams is a hack and his hipster glasses are dumb.

John Holmes Motherfucker
The mark of hipster isn't the glasses (I have no idea what Abrams looks like); it's making a big deal out of hating things that are mainstream and popular. I'm so glad there's no one like that in here.

Old_Zircon
Lost was pretty crappy, if I'm going to watch Bush-era torture porn I want less pseudointellectual wank and more Kiefer Sutherland.

Old_Zircon
And before I get accused of being some pop-culture hating hipster, I watched the fuck out of 24 and I'd do it again.


Anyway, being a hipster isn't just about hating what's popular because it's popular, it's about adopting the superficial qualities of what is perceived as "underground" without actually contributing anything. Hipsters are fashion punks.

Jerry Garcia nailed it in an interview late in his life when he was asked to explain what he meant when he talked about hipsters flooding the late 50s/early 60s San Francisco scene. To paraphrase:

Hipsters were kids who sat around in coffee houses wearing berets and black sweaters and carrying paperbacks of Howl that they'd probably not even read completely, trying to impress women.

Old_Zircon
Swap out the specific counter-cultural fetish objects and that description holds for every variant since (prior to the beatniks it was a term that was used in urban, black jazz scenes all the way back to the depression, but from what little I've read about that it seems like it was less pejorative before white people picked up on it).

c.f. "poseur"

Old_Zircon
Hipsters are the yuppie gentrifiers of the art world.

Hipsters are perfect marks, so when you see them coming you can be sure that con artists and marketers* are close behind.


*same difference

Old_Zircon
Because hipsters either don't contribute to the scene they've latched on to, or if they do their contributions are lazy and derivative, they have enough extra time and energy to install themselves as the gatekeepers of their chosen scene. Hipsters book and curate.

Old_Zircon
I'm so sick of dealing with hipsters.

Old_Zircon
Every time something really vital an interesting starts happening around here it gets fucked by the tag team of hipsters and zoning departments, with the occasional help of local arts councils.

baleen
Star Wars can suck my dick.

EvilHomer
It depends on which Star Wars alien, but if we're talking Twi'lek dancing girls, then I agree with baleen.

EvilHomer
And no, this will not bomb. People went to see all six Lucas Star Wars, even though Lucas is terrible, even though each film wound up being worse than the last. Abrams has shown that he can make fun, enjoyable scifi adventures, so unless there's some bizarro social dynamic at work here, like maybe everyone is secretly a masochist and the whole reason Episodes I-III were successful was precisely because they were so crap, then Episode VII is pretty much guaranteed to be a hit.

Besides, Star Wars > Star Trek, so why would you ever want to see Abrams get demoted back to Trek?!

Old_Zircon
The biggest hipster I know was flipping out on Facebook about how good this looked earlier this evening, and his sub-hipsters were all agreeing I don't even know anymore.

Old_Zircon
There was supposed to be a period after "agreeing." Kind of changes the meaning.

1394
7 OZ posts in a row about hipsters.

Hooker
7 OZ posts in a row about hipsters.

Scrimmjob
Stars for the stupid lightsaber with a cross guard.
takewithfood
People are going to argue about that thing for a full year, aren't they?

Killer Joe
JUST MAKE LIGHTSABER ARMOR GUYS, GOD!

ashtar.
Just make a gun that isn't lightsaber-defelectable. Something where the shots go too fast to see and react to and can fire really fast. Like the guns we have now.

Sanest Man Alive
The KOTOR games had plenty of "saber-proof"weapons like that: ion rifles, sonic blasters, disruptors, not to mention every flavor of grenade. Granted those were set like a thousand years or somesuch before all this shit, but it's not like they wouldn't still have similar options.

They really need to just stop trying so hard to make lightsabers cool. It's a sword made of laser, guys! It's already as cool as it's ever going to get. Unless the try-hard idiot wielding the riced-out saber there is actually meant to be portrayed as a try-hard idiot.

Old_Zircon
I didn't watch this video but preemtive stars for salty fandom tears and drama over the lightsaber crossguard.

garcet71283
Not gonna be happy until someone has spiky armor where each spike is a little lightsaber.

Also, horned helmet with lightsaber horns.

StanleyPain
This looks cool to me. Like someone is at least trying to have some goofy fun making a space adventure movie. Just this tiny teaser already has the signs of a movie with more personality in it than the prequels (if you notice, some of the shots have a camera ACTUALLY MOVING AROUND!) Looking forward to it.
Aelric
Pilot in the screengrab has a cockeye.

WHOLE. SERIES. RUINED.
boner
three unwatchable movies in a row and you're still looking forward to more?
SolRo
They were watchable.

I enjoyed them.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I grew up watching Captain Kirk wrestle the Gorn, so when millennials bitch about bad CGI, I'm often baffled. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say the CGI in the Star Wars prequels is at a level that makes them sort of worthwhile if you can forget about how they do absolutely nothing to further the story.

Episodes 1-3 is the origin story, the slowest most predictable 40 minutes of every comic book movie franchise, extended over three movies. It was a terrible idea when Lucas had it back in 1979 or whenever. By 2000, he may have known better, but the train wreck moved forward under it's own inertia, as train wrecks do. It was presold.

Anyway, Episode 7 doesn't suffer from the burden that 1-3 did, which was the requirement to set up a preexisting classic that had worked great for 25 years without setting up. Plus, the Abrams reboot of Star Trek was better than anyone should have expected, so I think there's ample reason to be cautiously hopeful.

infinite zest
That's an interesting perspective. But as a millennial I grew up watching no CGI, CGI that looked great at the time, and now CGI that honestly I don't think will ever look old. Because of this, Star Trek as a kid was some show my dad loved that I never got into because of better looking alternatives, like Star Wars, until I was at the age where I could really appreciate the writing. The new fast-paced ones seem to scream "NOT YOUR DADDY'S STAR TREK" in a way that seems almost insulting to me.

John Holmes Motherfucker
It's not the pace I love about the new Trek, it's the surprises. Like When Leonard Nimoy showed up in the first movie, or when the bad guy in the second movie turned out to be Khan, or when Kirk "died" instead of Spock in the second film. Abrams does fascinating things with the altered timeline premise of the reboot, and the new series rewards fans of the older material in ways that I find far more interesting than just a straight retread.

Sexy Duck Cop
Of course SolRo enjoyed the prequel trilogy. Of course.

Maggot Brain
The new Space Balls looks amazing. I'm glad they got Joan Rivers to show up before she passed.
spikestoyiu
Seeing as how more people will analyze this than the Zapruder film, I really don't think anyone will overlook it. It's the first shot.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of accolades on Tumblr though.
Spaceman Africa
Yes that is a black person, you nailed it.

Lef
He's combing the dessert.

Scrimmjob
WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!

yogarfield
I fucking hate Star Wars. I hope this is financially successful enough to spawn several more movies, provided of course that it draws the ire of 'Sperg Wars fans the world over for violations of canon.

Also please let there be some sort of JarJar 2.0.
infinite zest
I'm a fair-weather fan. I was too young to see the originals, and didn't until I read most of the books, played games like Tie Fighter and Rebel Assault, and lied through my teeth to my friends about Star Wars facts because their uncles had the laser discs or something. I made sure that none of my friends would see me when I watched the remastered theatrical re-releases when I was like 15 or so. By that time I had seen Hidden Fortress and Spaceballs and pretty much got what Lucas was doing. What's weird was through all of that, the biggest spoiler in the cinematic world (well maybe next to soilent green and planet of the apes and citizen kane) was somehow still a surprise to me.

But this looks like a fan trailer. Seriously.

StanleyPain
Lucasfilm kinda took care of all that in advance, though, by declaring everything except the movies and the new TV show as not being canon anymore.

yogarfield
@zesty TIE Fighter was dope. I played the shit out of that and crushed some mother fucking rebel scum.

@stanpainy Really? A little disappointing, but I doubt that can stem the flow of chubby Jedi butthurt the world over.

infinite zest
IF YOU LOOK EVEN CLOSELIER, THE TIE FIGHTERS ARE ABOUT THE SIZE OF THE FALCON etc. etc. I don't even care. Abrams would have been a lot smarter to crowdsource this movie. For people who kinda give a shit.

infinite zest
whoops sorry not meant as a reply. TIE Fighter was my favorite.

Scrimmjob
Tie Fighter had the best cut scenes.

takewithfood
Fuck yes, TIE Fighter. Shields are for chumps.

Bobonne
Shields are for pussies. Twin Ion Engine 4 lyfe.

BHWW
Let's fly our spaceships ten feet off the ground, everybody!
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Where's the lens flare?
mouser
On top of the Falcom shot.

mouser
50 years after the end of the clone wars, no wonder Stormtroopers where replaced with non Jango Fett clones, of various roots.
mouser
Fuck. I'm geek.

garcet71283
Actually, the clone troopers are still around, they are just all crammed into Vader's legion.

Everyone else is conscripts / volunteer troops.

Now excuse me while I comb the sweet-tarts out of my beard.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq.
Feels kinda sick and wrong now to feel any kind of excitement relating to a star wars thing.
Which is remarkable as 15 years ago it was pretty much the coolest thing ever.
Albuquerque Halsey
Yeah, I know. . .I feel, what's the opposite of shame?

Ghoul
I am a typical adult geek, and I just can't bring myself to enjoy anything Star Wars related. Five stars for what will surely be the most over-hyped piece of hot garbage to hit theaters since Episode III.

Bort
New Plinkett review coming, hooray!
The Mothership
I know! Im not watching the trailer, cause i know i will be just as disappointed as Plinkett.

fluffy
I was kind of hoping that after Abrams turned Star Trek into Star Wars, that he'd turn Star Wars into Star Trek. But nope, now non-nerds will be even more confused about the difference between the two.

because there won't be one
infinite zest
I'm willing to throw down money that Abrams will turn the two into one, just like with Lost.

EvilHomer
I hope he puts some polar bears in it! Jedi polar bears, with two-handed lightsabers, and a whole sub-episode dedicated just to their backstory!

infinite zest
Playing out in my mind right now is Vincent and Boomer in a lightsaber battle

FABIO
He turned Star Trek into Transformers. All he did was swap robots with space ships.


Begin story with flashback to protagonist's dead (great-grand) father discovering the villain.

Flash forward to fuckup protagonist who thinks a new ride will help him score the hot chick he met.

Military decimated by villain's advanced technology.

Learn that the villain and good alien are refugees from dead worlds. The villain seeks to harness the power of a spherical device capable of salvation or destruction.

Protagonist enacts his plan of running around shouting NO NO NONONONONONONONONO and yo mama jokes.

Villain is defeated by ramming the spherical device into them.

infinite zest
Plinkett's review of the first one summed it up pretty well. Early on, Spock takes the elevator thing to the bridge, which takes him about the time it takes to turn around in a circle. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but to fans of the original series (or even the original movies) it's a bit of a "fuck you" as that's where they had minute-long (or longer?) often-plot-shifting conversations. Maybe others noticed it too, I don't know.

But it's little details like those that I think are more important than everything Star Wars fans (rightfully) bitched about with the prequels. Abrams isn't Roddenberry or Lucas, but you're telling THEIR story. Do your fucking homework if you're gonna make fucktons of dollars doing it.

Kabbage
Fabio these are yours.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>Plinkett's review of the first one summed it up pretty well. Early on, Spock takes the elevator thing to the bridge, which takes him about the time it takes to turn around in a circle. That doesn't seem like a big deal, but to fans of the original series (or even the original movies) it's a bit of a "fuck you" as that's where they had minute-long (or longer?) often-plot-shifting conversations. Maybe others noticed it too, I don't know.

>>But it's little details like those that I think are more important than everything Star Wars fans (rightfully) bitched about with the prequels. Abrams isn't Roddenberry or Lucas, but you're telling THEIR story. Do your fucking homework if you're gonna make fucktons of dollars doing it.

http://tinyurl.com/ma3lnz5

garcet71283
But in Abrams' defense...it really is Tolkien's fault for the whole "kill the badguy with a magical circle" trope.

infinite zest
hehe it's true. Ironically, Captain Kirk was pretty miffed that they didn't want him in the new ones, whereas they wanted Mister Spock.

Lef
I liked the trailer, but this fan trailer was so much better

http://youtu.be/plwVRYEQG_I
infinite zest
Wow no kidding. I'm going to blame the quality and pacing of this trailer on some exec at Disney screaming into Abram's ear that the internet was promised a trailer around the Thanksgiving weekend. So.... here you go (?) The way movies are made these days, I'm surprised that there was any non-cgi footage at all to go with over a year in advance.

Oh well. You'll watch it, I'll watch it, we'll all fucking see this. just make sure to not ignore a much more important Christmas 2015 movie, Glenn Beck's The Immortal!

misterbuns
this will be fine. yall need jesus.
oddeye
Star Wars is great and extremely popular. If you don't absolutely love it then you are wrong on a huge number of levels.
cognitivedissonance
Oh, the evil.

You've hurt us before, Star Wars. Anybody who returns to your abuse is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
John Holmes Motherfucker
The trick is to remember that it's just a goddamn movie.

infinite zest
Then call me Patty Hearst. ;)

garcet71283
The trick is remembering that George Lucas isn't that involved this time and Disney, I have to admit, knows what they are doing now.

Nikon
Nope, not for me. I don't like Abrams' stuff and I'm not overly fond of Star Wars to begin with. Have fun with it if this is your thing.
RockBolt
The cinematography in those 10 seconds was already better than 3 movies worth the boring, flat, plastic green screen crap that was the prequels.
Binro the Heretic
You know, I just...I...

(sigh)
Kabbage
Oh hey yeah totally let's just set the entire trilogy on Tatooine
oddeye
Dude the other 100 billion odd planets are like, completely boring. Shit only happens on a handful of worlds, yo.

John Holmes Motherfucker
baleen
Star Wars can suck my dick.

This is the greatest POE TV comment of all time.
OF ALL TIME!
Nominal
You care a lot about people you think shouldn't care a lot.

You'd think Star Wars was a teenage Youtube personality the way you defend its honor.

Jet Bin Fever
I kind of cared about Star Wars once, but after watching this I realized that the feeling had been lost long ago.
Sexy Duck Cop
This looks like it will be an entertaining movie that would be otherwise forgettable if not for the forthcoming flood of Star Wars fans bringing it up 15 fucking seconds.
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