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Desc:Part 1's already up. Submitted for Bob's palpable despair at receiving a Sonichu VHS and DVD.
Category:Nature & Places, Classic Movies
Tags:christmas, cwc, Chris-Chan, presents obviously intended for oneself, elderly people reading chris-chan aloud
Submitted:Sexy Duck Cop
Date:01/07/15
Views:1760
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Comment count is 29
BiggerJ - 2015-01-07
One of the reasons people end up arguing about Chris is the complexity of the situation. He is one of the most dreaded things in human discourse: a perfect storm. You can't just blame his autism and upbringing, that makes you an enabling whiteknight. You can't just blame Chris, that makes you a trollshielding A-Log.

Another problem is the fact that not only is this story not going to have a happy ending, it literally won't ever end until Chris dies. There will always, ALWAYS be people willing to fuck with him and get precious content (and the latter's not even guaranteed - 'hoarded cocks', as they call it, can potentially be sat on for years and years). People on the CWCki forums thought the trolling was over and that things would finally peter out, but then they found out that his latest in-person heartsweet was a troll and that there was a secret trolling subforum.
EvilHomer - 2015-01-07
"One of the reasons people end up arguing about Chris is the complexity of the situation. "

I agree with this. I was trying to explain Chris to a coworker today. I spent about five minutes trying to do so, and found it was nearly impossible to convey the full complexity of CWC, particularly in a work-safe environment. Eventually, I gave up, and said something to the effect of: "he's comical yet sad, inspiring yet tragic, endearing yet creepy."

This depth is one of the reasons why I think that Mr Chandler should be considered an artist, in the highest sense of the word. He reveals so much, both about himself and about each one of us; inviting us to see the world through his eyes, and causing us to question our most basic principles.

cognitivedissonance - 2015-01-07
He loves every minute of it.

BiggerJ - 2015-01-07
Something else I just thought of - there's also the problem of Chris's gullibility and unpleasantness making him the perfect target for trolling. It's another perfect storm - Chris's extreme gullibility (resulting from his autism - he lacks the ability to determine the interntions of others) makes it possible to go so far as to construct an entire false reality for him, and his unpleasantness gives trolls a kind of moral high ground.

I hope that if Chris winds up in jail, attempts to keep tabs on him get found out and traced back to the wiki and forums, and that the whole shitty history of Chrisology ends up in the mainstream media.

BiggerJ - 2015-01-07
cognitivedissonance: He also hates every minute of it. It provides both dizzying highs and crushing lows. The highs are used as another excuse for the trolling.

Hooker - 2015-01-07
All of history's most fascinating people are tragedies.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-01-07
Exactly. It's so hard to explain Chris to an outsider without sounding like history's greatest monster:

"He's this guy with mental illness that it's really fun to bully."

"Oh he's this weird guy on the internet that has sex with blowup dolls."

"He's a fat ugly person that will die alone."

So when I do, I explain him as humanity's unchecked id. He's all the worst impulses within all of us, but his autism simply destroyed the filter. You know how we make lame excuses to not go to the gym that are tangentially grounded on logic? Chris-Chan would just say "I don't want to because it's hard." You know how most guys get nervous talking to girls? Chris will write a fucking manifesto about it and make a geriatric read it. You know how we all feel irrationally victimized, even when we're in the wrong? Chris will mow down a family on Jews in a car.

Chris-Chan is what happens when everything that can go wrong does. And there's no bottom to this beyond his death. He will keep doing this for the next 40 years, and I will keep watching.

EvilHomer - 2015-01-08
Chris *isn't* a monster, though. At worst, he is Frankenstein's monster.

Chris' motivations are perfectly human: he wants to be loved. Like each of us. He wants to create things of lasting value. Like some of us. He cannot find the first because of his tragic flaws, and he found the second, only in the worst way possible.

Nick Bravo, Steve Jobs, Cass Sunstein; these people are monsters. But Chris, Chris is no monster. The Adam of our labours, the spiritus mundi of the millennium made flesh; Chris is a Tragic Hero. Not Hitler, as the A-logs claim, but Karloff's sad Creature.

BiggerJ - 2015-01-08
Every single flaw and sin of Chris is latched onto by trolls for purposes of justification. Chris's autism-induced gullibility makes him so unprecedentedly easily to trick and manipulate that it grats the trolls incredible, intoxicating, addictive power - but they have to justify it, at least to themselves.

gravelstudios - 2015-01-08
I think there's something about Chris--beyond his autism, beyond his family situation, beyond his strange behavior--that just makes him inherently fascinating. The trolls say his actions justify their trolling, but it's more than that. There's something intangible about him that makes us feel compelled to watch. He is the Anti-Kardashian.

EvilHomer - 2015-01-07
... he mentioned the Love Quest in a Christmas Card to his dad.
EvilHomer - 2015-01-07
His Christmases are much better than mine. :(

spikestoyiu - 2015-01-07
That's what got my vote.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-01-07
That's what made me submit it. You always imagine Chris-Chan has an Off switch somewhere; he can't be running through his gimmicks nonstop, can he? Surely there has to be a point where he stops babbling about Sonichu and wipes his ass like a normal person, right?

No. There is not. In his most intimate, private family moments, years before becoming a Youtube superstar, Chris-Chan was forcing an 80 year-old man to talk about his son's virginity and an electric hedgehog Pokemon.

That's what makes this special. His family lives with this. They literally live with Chris-Chan every day of every week until they die.

cognitivedissonance - 2015-01-07
"Hooray, hooray." *sigh*
Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2015-01-07
That house needs to be nuked from orbit.
Doomstein - 2015-01-07
That shit-box burned down almost exactly one year ago. Every dildo and Sega game he bought with his tugboat money went up in smoke.

EvilHomer - 2015-01-07
You know he moved back in, right? The insurance company finished repairing the house in December, and they started moving in Barb's new hoard on the first of the year.

My personal theory is that the stress of moving back into a house that he clearly wasn't fond of, combined with the recent Catherine dump/reveal, was what triggered his latest string of public outbursts.

Doomstein - 2015-01-07
I did not know that, no. I reckon I need t brush up on my Chanology.

I thought he might be forced to adapt to the real world, but I guess Peter Pan will stay in Neverland forever.

Chris always reminded me of Ignatius Reilly in some respects, especially lately with his dramatic public outbursts.

1. Lives with mother.

2. Philosophy revolves around something obscure and unrelatable

3. Destroys everything he touches.

4. Run-ins with the law and "Sexual Deviants"

5. Mourns for and has a shrine to his dead dog.

6. Overstated sense of self-worth.

List goes on

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2015-01-07
Why does Chris not like the house? Is it because of his mother's hoarding or is it something else?

EvilHomer - 2015-01-08
The hoarding. The way he's talked about 14 BC in the past is classic child-of-hoarders resignation and despair. A lot of bad memories there, memories which his fantasy world helped him to escape from, but now that CWCville is gone I'm worried that the shadows are catching up to him.

Oscar Wildcat - 2015-01-08
I have also struggled describing Chris to the unwashed, but amongst literary friends it's fairly easy. He is Ignatius Reilly, just as Doomstein suggests.

TeenerTot - 2015-01-07
Voted this up for pure sadness.
BiggerJ - 2015-01-07
Additional sadness, as described on the CWCki forums: "Chris himself stated it himself, she pretty much had him on the verge of menopause, so it's pretty much likely they thought they'd be in the green evne without contraception and whoopsy-daisy, wouldn't you know it? A lifetime subscription to front-row seats in America's favorite sport "kick the autistic"."
Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-01-07
So a morbidly obese woman got drunk and horny, had sex with an elderly man, and produced the greatest human being in history.

It's like the nativity story all over again.

Doomstein - 2015-01-15
Ehh, Barb was like 39 and Bob was I think 53 when they were married. Bob had a sweet-ass pension and a bunch of engineering patents. He thought his later years were going to be a sweet sail on calm waters with a younger woman to keep him company. Then Chris was born.

Barb actually looked really good for her age weight-wise when they met. She maintained her figure until the early 2000's, when Chris turned 18. Then the wheels came off and everyone went insane. Bob's bitterness increased, Barb's hoarding got really bad and she gained 180 lbs, and Chris began doing whatever the fuck it is that Chris does on them internets.

If Bob had worn a condom that night, I have no doubt he'd be alive today living in some sweet ass condo in Palm Beach.

Rosebeekee - 2015-01-07
I feel bad for Bob. He looks so sad and isolated. Also, he didn't get a Sonichu VHS. Chris bought him Fraggle Rock on DVD and burned it to VHS, but only let him keep the VHS.
spikestoyiu - 2015-01-07
To be fair, he asked for the VHS. And also you don't burn to VHS. But that's me being a dickhead.

chumbucket - 2015-01-09
Capturing the unrelenting sadness of the holiday.
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