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Desc:Horrifyingly accurate PUA parody.
Category:Cartoons & Animation, Humor
Tags:PUA, bobs burgers
Submitted:RocketBlender
Date:02/16/15
Views:1277
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Comment count is 22
Rodents of Unusual Size
Finally, a man with answers.
EvilHomer
I think this scene was the moment that I realized Bob's Burgers was my new favorite non-pony themed animated show on television. I knew I loved it ever since the first episode, and I was pretty sure it was the best when Louise was talking to Bob's "ghost" in the second episode, but coming out of nowhere with sly jokes about negging pushed this whole series over the edge.
Xenocide
Non-pony themed? Have you seen Tina's room?

EvilHomer
It's no more than incidentally pony themed; a 1 or perhaps 2 on the Kinsey Pony Scale.

fluffy
There's an entire episode about bronies and brony culture.

Sudan no1
I liked when Louise describes Tina's room as looking like it belonged to a "perverted jockey."

EvilHomer
fluffy - Yes, I made a painting in honor of that brony episode, one of only three that I've actually managed to get displayed in a gallery! However, the brony episode was in Season Four, much later than this one, and a single brony episode out of many does not a 3 or more on the Kinsey Pony Scale make.

Binro the Heretic
My dad knew a guy just like that when I was about seven or eight. He didn't actually know the guy was like that until he & my mom had a few chances to see how the guy behaved around women. He came over a few times when my parents had friends & neighbors over for little get-togethers.

Anyway, at one of the gatherings, my mom leaned close to my ear and hissed, "Go sit next to Cathy!" When I hesitated and gave her a confused look, she pushed me towards the couch and said, "Go now!" Being oblivious, but obedient I went over to the couch and sat, only to feel a sudden tug on my sleeve.

""Whoa, whoa, WHOA, Hey, partner. This seat's already taken." said the guy, trying to pull me up. I almost obediently surrendered the seat, but Cathy latched onto my shoulder...kind of hard, actually. "He wants to watch this show."

"Well he can watch it over there," replied the guy, pointing to an empty recliner catty-cornered from the couch.

"You could sit there," said Cathy.

"Why can't he sit there?"

"It's his house and he was here first," replied Cathy, still holding tight on my shoulder. By this time, I figured out something weird was going on, but figured my best move was to say and do nothing.

The first thing the guy did was to go over and change the channel, pretending to look for a sportscast. (This was the early 1980s. Our TV still had a dial to switch channels.) and he left it on some nighttime soap like "Dynasty" or "Falcon Crest". He then took a seat in the recliner. "The commercial's probably over, now, why don't you change it back to your show?" the guy said to me.

"Can I watch this show?" Cathy asked. "I forgot it was on and really like it." she said to me and I nodded, mostly because I liked Cathy but partly because she asked in a weirdly intense way.

The guy got up and sat on the arm of the couch next to me. He leaned back and I felt a pressure on my shoulder. I looked over and realized it was his elbow. Then I felt him dig it in really hard, right on the end of my collarbone. When I shouted, "Ow!" Cathy gave him a hard look.

"Leave him alone!" she ordered.

"Sorry, buddy, I slipped," he said and gave my head a rub, pinching several strands and giving them a sharp tug in the process. I was determined not to move by that point. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I knew I didn't want that guy to have the seat.

And then my dad and another of his friends walked into the room. They told the guy they were going to the store for more beer & snacks and wanted him to come along. He resisted at first, but they insisted. When they got back, the guy got in his own vehicle and left without a word. He came over a few times after that to visit my dad, but he was never invited to any more gatherings.

A few years later, I kind of figured out what had been going on that night. And it was a few years after that my mom and Cathy (who had gotten married to a really nice guy by then) were reminiscing and the subject of THAT guy came up. I listened in and heard how really aggressive he had been with her.

At a party before that one he had shown himself to be really obnoxious and narcissistic and Cathy had ignored him. At the next party, he had stalked her relentlessly, going so far as to wait out in the hall while she used the bathroom and Literally corner her when she came out.

He actually had a belt buckle that said "God's gift to women", by the way. Classy!

Binro the Heretic
Our newspapers didn't run that strip, thank God.

Nominal
That was pretty shitty of them to use a 7 year old as a human shield for someone who might have been dangerous. Was having your father get rid of him right away or Kathy hanging out with your mom just too out of the question?

Binro the Heretic
I think the plan was just for me to stay in the room with the two of them while my mom went and got my dad.

I don't think mom realized he would actually do anything to a little kid. I don't think Cathy had elaborated on how aggressive and scary the guy had been before then, just that she found him obnoxious.

eatenmyeyes
Stars for the clip and Binro's story time.

infinite zest
Ugh. I knew a guy like that, and unfortunately I still see him every now and then. Gage piercings, soul patch and all, just a regular bro. He really likes Phish and Widespread Panic too. Not that any of those things automatically make you a douchebag, but anyway he's sort of the opposite of me and for whatever reason he considers me his drinking buddy.

Anyway the first time I met him was at this small party in my neighbor's apartment and I'm not really good at parties, especially in small apartments so I just found a place in the corner and hung out with the cat and drank my beer and smiled, and this girl comes over to me and just starts talking, which was nice, but something seemed off, because she was talking to a bunch of what I assumed were her friends a minute ago. Like, that's partyfoul 101 to just abandon the friend circle like that. And it became clear that she came over to talk to me to get away from this guy who was actively hitting on her by talking about his dogs, his ex wife, and basically leaving no room for her to say anything. Like, I don't know how other people are at parties or bars, but I'll only strike up a conversation with someone if they're just blankly staring into space or seem lonely. So, I liked her for that, but really it was just an excuse to get away from him. About 10 minutes go by and I step outside for a cigarette and he corners me, saying that he really wants to fuck that girl tonight and I should stay away from sitting with her, but also introduces himself.. I mean he was pretty drunk so I let it slide, but it made me uncomfortable so I left the party, telling her she could meet me at the bar or something, which she did. Cool girl. It wasn't like he was beating her over the head Captain Caveman style, but we both agreed that this guy was a PUA douche.

Anyway fast forward a few months. Girl (who was/is a lesbian) and I are on a "date," well it was a date for me, she was setting me up with a friend, so we're at the bar and douchebag walks in and sits down at our table for 3.. it kinda sucked because this girl and I were really hitting it off, even though the fact that we went to the same elementary school isn't the most romantic thing when you really think about it.. but he totally killed the vibe and we said goodbye for the evening. He wound up back at my apartment complex so I said let's hang out and he still remembered how I "cockblocked" him (?) and even though I told him the story, I left out the "maybe it's because you're a douche who likes to push girls into sex who aren't interested in dick in the first place part.." the more coke that went up his nose the more pissed off he got, and now's a perfect time to use "Beast Mode", because he pretty much ripped off his shirt and picked me up and threw me off a 2nd story balcony. I was fine save for some scratches from the bush I fell into, but what a douche.

We remain "friends" because he apologized, meaning that I won't try to take a pot shot to his balls if I see him on the street type of "friend"

Rodents of Unusual Size
IZ, if that whole story is true, it's one of the most insane things anyone has ever posted here, and that is saying something.

Nominal
Leaving friends alone for a minute to chat up someone new at a party: flagrant foul

Snorting coke and tossing people off balconies: let it slide

infinite zest
Yeah, I left out the fact that he was trying to sell coke the whole time.. Both times. I dunno. I've had worse shit happen to me.

Bus_Aint_Comin
what is it with coke dealers lacking completely in social grace?

my old dealer was possibly the most socially inept person i have ever met. he looked like a muppet. never saw him even talk to a girl. he'd been diagnosed sociopathic at the age of 5.

we eventually realized he was paying the neighborhood heroin addicts 25 bucks apiece for stray cats for him to torture. he was sleeping every 3 or 4 days and i guess things got kinda hectic in his mind.

game over, man.

we told him to change his life or we'd sic the pigs on him. the next week he showed up at my house, got the six hundo i owed him, went to rehab, and as far as i know is much better in every respect. even has a girlfriend.

fuck cocaine, and fuck pua.

i read The Game in 2006 and, not knowing any better, tried a few of the more low-key techinques ("negging", etc. no furry hats for me).

here's the scary part: it fucking works.

and i don't mean in like a nice way, at all. it's sleazy, bordering hard on Evil. it left me feeling emptier than i'd ever felt in my life

it was terrifying. i felt that there must have been something deeply troubled about these women that they fell for that bullshit. i wasn't going for "tens" (more like "sixes") so maybe that had something to do with it.

i am deeply embarrassed by that nine month period in my life. but i learned an important lesson about relationships, comportment, and the social contract.

Nominal
Like everything else with the autistics and socially dense this stuff is marketed to, it can't pick up on the fine line between being confident and refusing to take obvious no's for an answer.
badideasinaction
Why can't that be one and the same?

Seriously, there's no magic to PUA, it's salesman psyc 101 combined with a pseudoscience magic feather to get the guy to ask every girl in the room and to write off the ones who say no in such a way as to not deter them from asking another. Sooner or later someone will be desperate enough to say yes or too intimidated/embarrassed to say no to his face, that's it.

Anyone taking those seminars is the mark, not the shark. Just like those sales power" or such seminars, only for lonely guys instead of wannabe sales powerhouses.

BHWW
PUA philosophy reduces human relationships to a level that is so superficial it makes me a little ill. We don't live in a computer game in which you can learn strategies to trigger certain events like getting women to get with you.

Real life is often chaotic and people are complicated being that can't be understood using urban wisdom blogs written by anonymous virgins who obsess over cartoons, or watching the Youtube videos of "approach" nerds who think they just need to level their approach skill up by repeatedly doing it, like real life is a videogame. ACHIEVEMENT AWARDED: TALKING TO GIRLS, but the only thing they're levelling up is their awkwardness.

This PUA stuff is for guys who need or rather believe they need flowcharts and powerpoint presentations to be instructed on when is the best time to hold a girl's hand, or bitter cynics who are convinced a true healthy, normal man's purpose should be to gain the skills needed to bang as many chicks as possible in a long series of unfeeling one-night stands. It's for guys who ultimately have a lack of respect for themselves, that they would attach themselves to this sort of thing.

The modern PUA industry fosters a dependence with these a lot of these marks, who ideally will become obsessed with the heroic PUAs' ways with the ladies, buy their e-books, but don't actually become any more socially competent. So they continue to buy their e-books. Anything that makes the mark more socially repellent, such as becoming obsessed with MRA garbage, feeds the relationship. The mark will continue in his sort of "Oh, you're the only one who understands me, Mystery" fail-spiral, not develop any skills necessary to have a healthy, fulfilling social and romantic life, and continue giving these real life Princes of Persuasias money to fund their degenerate lifestyles.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Everything you are describing I have posted here already:

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=134723

and here

http://www.rsdnation.com/

I've posted these links before but I repost them because they are worth telling people about.

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