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Desc:This starts weird and gets even weirder.
Category:Sports
Tags:wrestling, gay, john cena, Sherwin Stern
Submitted:Yellow Lantern
Date:03/02/15
Views:886
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Comment count is 19
Cena_mark
I certainly disagree with his bigoted feelings towards homosexuals, but he is right about how much the Cena haters suck.
EvilHomer
No, he's wrong on many levels.

First, most people don't hate Cena, they hate what Cena represents. Cena is a great guy, crap wrestler. He's got a shitty gimmick, he's overly deferential towards authority, and Vince shoves him down people's throats. Cena, the man, is a sweetheart; just keep him far, far away from the wrestling ring!

Second, who claims that only women and children like Cena?! That's an absurd strawman. *Only children* like Cena! Women seem to be more or less indifferent towards wrestling.

Third, Cena's totally a gay icon. Who else would they mark for? If you were gay, would you pick A) the sixty year old necktattooed Undertaker, B) the morbidly obese mongloid Big Show, or C) John Cena, the shirtless square-jawed rapper-Marine?

And finally, fourth, the reason Cena wins so much is not because he's a good wrestler, but because Vince has a beefcake-bodybuilder fetish, which he can afford to indulge indefinitely now that the WWE has no competition. If the marketplace was healthy, Vince would have to dump Cena to shake things up a bit; since it's not, since we've got essentially a single-payer wrestling system, Vince feels he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do, and we have to sit there and like it.

EvilHomer
The one thing he IS right about, is that he's a John Cena fan. This video right here, this is every John Cena fan. EVERY. JOHN. CENA. FAN.

Cena_mark
Again you're wrong Homer. You claim Cena is a terrible wrestler, yet he has 15 World Championships. That's like saying Steven King sucks at writing best sellers. You claim Cena is deferential to authority, yet Cena has often been a thorn in the side of The Authority. Remember Survivor Series? It was Team Cena vs Team Authority. Remember when John Laurenitus was GM of Raw and how Cena beat him up?
What about bear loving gays? I bet they'd prefer Big Show over Cena.

EvilHomer
15 World Championships? Read Point Four again. Championships mean nothing today. The good wrestlers are routinely buried and scripts are written to appease Vince. As for The Authority, a fight between Team Cena and Team Authority is no different than a fight between Team Republican and Team Democrat; they're two heads on the same establishment beast.

And you find me one bear gay who'd take Big Slow over Cena. Just one. Maybe, *maybe* that guy who used to run the "Fat Slobs with Tiny Choads" blog back in the day; other than that, no.

Void 71
Cena is an updated version of the Ultimate Warrior: a great body attached to a kid-friendly wrestler of limited ability. He was just lucky enough to have been groomed by the WWE from the start. He didn't get fleeced by a fly-by-night wrestling school and then get thrown to the wolves like the Ultimate Warrior.

yogarfield
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcUrzHUYrYA

memedumpster
I don't hate John Cena and I'm gay. Wait, SHOULD I hate John Cena!? I am open to possibly being wrong. Does he hate gay people or something that warrants our hate?

It's still okay to like Bas Rutten though, right, because watching his videos actually makes me happy.
Cena_mark
Cena doesn't do anything to make gays hate him and I doubt gays do hate him. He used to make dumb gay jokes when he was thug, but that was a while back.
Cena is mainly hated by the IWC (Internet Wrestling Community), they're the smarks, who hate him for being McMahon's archetypal muscled up baby face, whereas they want more technical indie style wrestlers to get the big pushes Cena gets. All this "gay" stuff is simply a display of certain IWC people's maturity.

memedumpster
Yeah, fans of wrestling have seriously gone downhill since they stopped wearing rhinestones, snorting coke, and oiling each other up in back rooms dedicated to both.

The 80's was good for absolutely nothing, except wrestling.

memedumpster
You know, except 1982 when all the good movies were released and we were visited by six thousand or so time travellers.

EvilHomer
Oh yeah, CM, heaven forbid wrestling be about ATHLETES at the peak of their form, competing in high-energy contests of speed and strength, instead of the dumb male beauty pageants that Cena thrives in.

Those crazy smarks, wanting to see moonsault battles instead of swimsuit contests.

Cena_mark
Cena doesn't win because he looks good, he wins because he's a better fighter and he never gives up. Sure some wrestlers are faster and more skilled, but Cena has the tools to overcome.

EvilHomer
Yeah, and the "tools" he has are a babyface persona and a servile, bootlicking attitude. Face it, Cena, Cena's a company man. If this were the late 1920s, he'd be King Scab.

oddeye
John Cena has moves that you can't learn in any school, moves that only someone who has spent years being a hardcore street rapper living in the hood would know. His unconventional style keeps his opponents off balance and guessing.

infinite zest
CAYNA CAYNA CAY-NANANANANNAANA. SAY IT WITH ME
Bort
John Cena was on the series finale of "The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show". That makes him good people.
Jet Bin Fever
This was the worst way to discover I'm a homosexual.
memedumpster
But about the best way to learn that EvilHomer is too!

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