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Desc:Infinite Zest owes me a tattoo!
Category:Classic Movies, Science & Technology
Tags:short circuit, red letter media, Plinkett, chappie
Submitted:EvilHomer
Date:03/17/15
Views:1428
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Comment count is 47
Potrod
This movie looked so gratingly awful that when it came out I spent the better part of a (work) day reading bad reviews of it, which was oddly satisfying. I would have been shocked if RLM liked it, though on the other hand they did go way too easily on one of the Hobbit movies.
kingarthur
This movie gleefully drives itself head-first into a wall of stupid at a million miles an hour. It's a bad movie, but it's a bad movie worth seeing.

Corpus Delectable
Chappie was so bad that it made the RLM review of it flat and sucky. Either that, or the RLM peeps are just phoning it in now.
badideasinaction
It's kinda been a dead time for movies in their wheelhouse, though I'd expect them to review Kingsman.

Caminante Nocturno
The Short Circuit series gave us Los Locos. Can CHAPPiE make a similar claim?

No, it cannot.
infinite zest
I liked it, and I'm not just saying that because of the tattoo bet. It's an r rated Short Circuit, and to me that's not a bad thing. Like District 9, the analogy for apartheid falls apart in the final act (btw this review totally spoils it) and it turns into the action movie District 9 did. And that's everybody's complaint, when it didn't bother anybody (especially critics with D9). Blomkamp might be a one trick pony in that respect, but so's Spielberg, the guy who does the Fast and the Furious.. Blomkamp's probably our generation's definitive scifi auteur, and if the story's a bit shallow, who cares? I wanted to see another short circuit, and it delivered. Also, what's with everyone putting Short Circuit on a pedestal all of a sudden because of this movie? Nobody complained when Star Wars came out that it was basically Hidden Fortress..

But speaking of ponies? Where and what was the tattoo again? :) I'm fucking ready!
EvilHomer
Are you sure you want to do this? I figured you were drunk when you made that offer.

MurgatroidMendelbaum
Princess Rainicorn, Ouroboros-style, encircling each testicle in the style of infinity.

infinite zest
Dude I'm drunk all the time! As long as it's on my upper arm (depeding on what it is; my current work doesn't care about tattoos but if I decide to go to Law School I might not want a facetat)..

Cena_mark
Can you guys explain this tattoo bet?

You should give him a tattoo of the worst ponies from MLP:FIM. I recommend Diamond Tiara or Derpy Hooves.

infinite zest
A snippet of our conversation (some of it was about Die Antwoord):

infinite zest
Also Dev Patel is in it, who was my favorite character on the series Newsroom. Oh and some guy called Hugh Jackman. Don't know who that is but I'll see this. I WAS right about Guardians of the Galaxy after all, wasn't I? If this turns out to be horse shit then I will get a tattoo of Evilhomer's choice

EvilHomer
Yeah, I've heard them before, just no clue what they look like. I assumed they were one of those faceless machine bands, like Daft Punk or Fall Out Boy, who used actors and/or CGI in their music videos.

EvilHomer
"If this turns out to be horse shit then I will get a tattoo of Evilhomer's choice"

Whooah whoooahh, really? Will you *really*?!

Muaaaahhahahahahahaha

infinite zest
Yep. I've got a tattoo gun and everything. I'll give to myself. Just so long as it's in a place I can cover it up and it's not a swastica or something otherwise offensive I'll do it. But I know you better than that.

infinite zest
Sorry, phone cut out some of that.. I would get your archieluxury picture tattooed on my thigh

EvilHomer
Damn! Swastika on the forehead was my first idea!

I'd say you should get a cutie mark tattoo: it's basically just a thigh tattoo anyway. Did you really like my archieluxury pic enough to get it burned into your flesh?! I was actually a bit disappointed with how it came out; it would have stayed in my scraps drawer along with most of my stuff, but there was a seriously lack of archie fanart on DA.

EvilHomer
Oh come on, Cena. It's bad enough that you pick on Derpy, but Diamond Tiara too?!

http://fav.me/d5c0enn

Diamond Tiara is awesome.

Potrod
Was IZ joking about not knowing who Hugh Jackman is? I can't even tell anymore. That seems like just the type of A-list celebrity IZ would feign ignorance of.

Cena_mark
We think that way for a reason. She's a spoiled, stuck up, bully. Why are you even defending her?

EvilHomer
She's only a spoiled, stuckup bully because the writers choose to show her that way. We see just small snippets of her life, and always from the perspective of her enemies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders (whom, I might add, are very intimidating and outnumber her 3 to 1). What about all the times the camera's not on her? What about all the things she goes through at home, all the stress and the pressure, and the burden of popularity? You know she's living in the shadow of her father, and she'll be expected to get into an elite pony prep school, then on to an Ivy League pony college, then become either a successful businesspony (like Stephanie McMahon) or land some rich tycoon's hoof in marriage (like Linda). She's got to juggle all these expectations, with the more immediate social demands of her peers (there is only one of her, and everypony wants a piece) and the constant danger of being bullied, or even blown up, by that jealous hater, Applebloom. Cut DT some slack! Look how sad she is in that picture! She's a ponybeing, too!

Anyway, if you check out the Diamond Cutters groups on DeviantArt and Fimfiction, you will see a whole 'nother side of Miss Tiara.

Cena_mark
Outnumbered? She's always got Silver Spoon with her, plus the popularity that comes with her wealth. You saw how many Friends went to her party. Also she picked on the CMC before they even were the CMC. Background ponies have to have headcannons cause there isn't much to use, DT on the other hoof has played a major part in many episodes. We've seen plenty of her. She isn't nice at all. She's just an asshole.

EvilHomer
Have you ever 'Pride and Prejudice', Cena? Often, the best of ponies seem at first glance to be the very worst of ponies. Do you really believe it to be coincidence that Mr Darcy and Miss Diamond BOTH have names beginning with 'D'...?!

Yes, she has Silver Spoon with her, but 2 is still outnumbered by 3, and if you're going to count SS, then you will also have to count Babs, Rarity, Applejack, and Big Mac with the CMC. That's 2 against... uhhh, 7! That's actually worse odds than before. And popularity? It's a curse! Her wealth brings her nothing but false friends, jealous enemies, and powerful bluebloods looking to exploit her. She needs her popularity, because that is what will allow her to network, and thereby secure her future in the cutthroat world of pony business. But don't mistake necessity for ease, responsibility for privilege.

She is shouldering the pink pony's burden as best she can.

Cena_mark
I never read that book but I did watch Cool Cat Saves the Kids. It doesn't matter, and you can't throw the mane characters on to the CMC side because she mainly picks o. Them when the adults aren't around. She's worse than Butch the bully from Cool Cat. I've never seen the terrible problems you say she suffers from. I

EvilHomer
You did see the Babs Seed episode, right? Where the CMC tried to flat-out murder Babs for being friends with the Sugar Lump Rumps? Yeah, I think that's more on par with Butch the bully threatening his classmates with a gun, than any of the light hazing Diamond Tiara dishes out.

Cena_mark
The root of the CMC's scheme in that episode began with DT's bullying. Also the CMCs didn't plot murder just muddy embarrassment. Also it would have been a fate chosen by Babs as it was her choice to steel the float just like a Mr. A villain.

EvilHomer
It wasn't "her choice", it was entrapment. The CMC intentionally placed somepony, who was SUPPOSED to be their friend, in an extremely dangerous situation, all because they were mad that Babs liked Diamond Tiara more than the Crusaders.

And again, all you're seeing is the CMC's side of the story, devoid of any context. I'm sure Diamond Tiara and the CMC weren't complete strangers before the episode started; a lot happened between them before then, literally years of interactions that we never get to see.

If someone showed up on of your old wrestling forums, and saw you schooling some random punk who totally deserved it, would it be right for that total newcomer to just assume that YOU are a bully? To take your posts out of context, and treat you like you're some asshole for rightly taking a chump behind the Wafflehouse and giving him the what-for? No, of course not. Things are complicated. You've got history, just like DT and the Murder Mark Crusaders.

Cena_mark
She's not supposed to steal floats. It would have been justified. Also the CMC weren't mad at Babs for having different friends, it was cause she was bullying them. We have all the context we need. DT was always a shitty bully. You're supposed to be fans of the CMC they're the good guys.. You can cheer for heels if you want, but accept that they are the villains.

Cena_mark
Look you and your RKOs can make up all the headcannon shit you want, but there is nothing in the MLP cannon to redeem her. She ducks and is worse than Angel Bunny.

EvilHomer
Well, seeing as the CMC are the kind of ponies who'd sever the brakelines on their own friend's car, I think they sort of deserve to get bullied, don't you?

And you don't just accept the narratives handed to you by The Man. You question narratives, you examine things in an objective and nuanced fashion. Sometimes, the heels ARE the good guys, or at least not as bad as the writers want you to think. And sometimes the "good guys" are actually assholes. Don't let them spoonfeed you their BS!

The way you're talking, at this rate, I'm half afraid that you're going to turn into a Roman Reigns mark.

Cena_mark
If you want to go into headcannons then check the other side. Apple Bloom's parents are dead, Scootaloo is abandoned, orphaned, and handicapped, and Sweetie Belle has a really shitty neglectful sister. That all puts DT's poor little rich girl excuse to shame.
What's wrong with Roman. He may not be technically proficient, but he wins through intensity and determination just like Cena.

EvilHomer
The older Apples are confirmed dead in the show, and Scootaloo gets bullied *by the other two CMCs* ("chicken"?! That is very hurtful, particularly since it's directed against Scootaloo's physical disability). Rarity being a shitty sister is pretty much confirmed, too... and you know what all that means? It means that it makes total sense for the CMC to be bullies. After all, bullies are usually acting out as the result of severe emotional issues, stemming from trouble at home. All three of the Crusaders are neurotic messes, in canon, so frankly it would be shocking if they WEREN'T bullies themselves.

Hopefully, Rainbow Dash will be a good influence on Scootaloo, and get Scoots out of her crazy gang life before the streets take their toll.

Cena_mark
You just can't make Scoots a victim like that. AB only called her chicken once and it was cause Scoots was being a smartass and saying the farm pony didn't know what a chicken soundedblike. Also RD is the biggest bully. Your bias toward pegasi is showing. I'm biased towards earth ponies, but even I can admit when one sucks like DT.

SteamPoweredKleenex
The whole "robot gains sentience" thing is a concept that needs to die until someone comes up with new ideas for it, or at least, a third act that isn't a cop-out.

And while District 9 had a great setup, it also had a cop-out third act. The aliens waited until now to refuel the ship and leave? We hadn't torn the ship apart for its tech by now? Fuel turns humans into bugs? Wha?

Blomkamp is the next M. Night, except he's able to make his movies have typical Hollywood endings that give most moviegoers enough resolution to not hate the movie but don't deliver enough to make sense if you think about them for more than two minutes.
animegurl1000
"The aliens waited until now to refuel the ship and leave?"

The main alien mentions that it took him 20 years to collect enough fuel to fill the little canister/plot device. But I agree with you on the other points.

infinite zest
I thought it was enough of an idea to make CHAPPiE a thug, even though it's true that it happened in Short Circuit 2. I just forgot about it. To me, it was kind of like Rainman: Charlie Babbit has the right intentions but turns out using his brother's special ability for his own gain, just like Die Antwoord does with CHAPPiE. In both cases, they grow together, although it can be argued that Raymond Babbit doesn't learn a thing, and other things I won't get into.

I get your M. Night comparison, sort of, but only in terms of drop in quality: District 9 set the bar extremely high, as did Sixth Sense. Unbreakable, like Elysium, was the sophomore slump, but it was still entertaining. And Signs, like CHAPPiE was destined for criticism months before it was even released, with comparisons to a mostly forgotten and unloved movie from our childhood. It's funny.. I inadvertently plagiarized my local newsrag, nearly word-for-word in my above comment:

http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/MovieTimes?oid=1505757 9

I dunno. No, the film doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it is also more fun of a ride than D9 or Elysium. Maybe it would've done better if it didn't get a post-oscar release when we're still thinking about superior films like Birdman. In a world where 90% of films are remakes that don't live up to the original or superhero movies, I don't mind seeing a new take on an old idea

PS I also really liked the movie Lockout, which is Die Hard in Space and it kicks ass, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

EvilHomer
>>Blomkamp is the next M. Night, except he's able to make his movies have typical Hollywood endings that give most moviegoers enough resolution to not hate the movie but don't deliver enough to make sense if you think about them for more than two minutes

I don't know, I think about Blomkamp's movies a lot. Mostly what I think is, why does he hate humanity so much? Why is the message of his movie always, humans are bad, robots and aliens are good? I think probably the answer is simple: he's some kind of sentient reptile. But it's food for thought.

infinite zest
I was at the bar last night talking to a friend about CHAPPiE and he compared him to Wes Anderson, not M Night Shammamaahaama. I think that's a better comparison. Anderson's movies are basically the same thing: they're pretty pictures of the bourgeoise in some kind of flux, where they might have to get their hands dirty dealing with common peoples' bullshit. Blomkamp's the same way, and most of that is back to the South African background: he uses Johannesburg as a canvass the way Anderson uses colors that would make Argento jealous and gratuitous David Bowie. It's not that Blomkamp hates humanity, and I've never been to South Africa, but that seems like a pretty good place to be if you want a lens into the heart of darkness and injustice.

EvilHomer
I get that he's got this whole apartheid thing going on, but both District 9 and CRAPPiE go way beyond apartheid, and into the explicitly anti-human. As someone who has known a few humans, and even considers some of these humans to be friends, I find his underlying speciesism more than a little distressing. But maybe that's not so much Blomkamp's fault, as it is just the degenerate zeitgeist he and his slowly dying breed of fellow wealthy filmmakers are stuck in? Avatar went the same route, only in an even more stupid way than Blomkamp did, because at least Blomkamp's heroes aren't betraying their whole damn planet *merely* for the sake of blue alien pussy.

memedumpster
I can still watch Tetra Vaal. District 9 made me angry at Alive in Joberg, which was superior in every single aspect to that movie. When people give Sunshine's third act shit, I ask them if they liked District 9. The third act was pure Uwe Boll video game movie.

infinite zest
That's kind of like saying any story with a human antagonist is anti-human though: it's true that District 9 was pro-alien, but it was with the help of a human who changed.. well he kind of changed into an alien, or at least saw things from their perspective. Like, 101 Dalmatians isn't anti-human, even though the majority of human characters are evil and want to kill the dogs. Watership Down (and Adams' superior Plague Dogs) on the other hand are anti-human, but there's also evil rabbits and dogs so it's equally anti-lapine and -canine. There's a lot of greedy evil manipulative psychopaths in this world.

memedumpster
I kind of get his point. The aliens had no problems that humans didn't also have, but the human who didn't have these problems had to change his genome to even relate. He couldn't relate to his own humanity, and had to be all Kafka'd out to see the aliens had human problems.

It is kind of cynical that he wasn't straight horrified at the aliens' plight without a ton of plot contrivance. Also, I hated the directing.

infinite zest
Funny you should say that, MD: I'd have to go back and find the comments but I ripped D9 a new asshole as soon as I saw the trailer. The rumor was that it was going to be sort of a testing grounds for the Halo movie, hence Peter Jackson's attachment to the project. And who knows? The weaponry is pretty similar to what little I know about Halo, and the aliens are kind of similar too. Maybe this D9 IS a part of the Halo universe disguised as an indie film? Or at least that's what I thought: I know nothing about the games, but humans are up there for some reason..

That's what I was saying above: whether you liked the movie or not, if you wanted to see an R-rated Short Circuit, that's what you got. And for all its predictability nobody really cared about D9's final act whereas that act, and a couple other spoiler-worthy "WTF moments," aren't any more WTF than any other sci-fi movie to me. It's definitely not a 10/10 (I'd probably give it a 8/10 it's true) but it's a fun (and funny) movie with robots. Looks a hell of a lot more fun than Automata anyway.. Still getting the tattoo tho. The masses have spoken! :)

infinite zest
It's easy to look the other way when everybody else is doing it: I mean, there's plenty of stories about prisons where the guard who considers everyone monsters has to walk a mile in their shoes and finally sees things from their perspective. Or even when I was working at the VA Hospital: there was such a disconnect between the administration and the veterans themselves, to the point where I'd get in trouble for smoking cigarettes with them and listening to their stories. And even though many people in the south might have thought that Slavery was a bad thing, at least that was out of the empathetic viewpoint that they bleed the same blood and speak the same language. The aliens in D9 are what humans would consider monsters, quite literally subhuman.

memedumpster
You ever see Demon Seed? It's a fun take on an AI striving to be more than it is.

infinite zest
(sorry, our comments are kinda overlapping..)

I was disappointed when it dropped the documentary style and went typical Hollywood (or whatever term would be used for South African "Hollywood") but I wonder if I would've wanted to watch a two-hour Alive in Joberg.. it's funny because the same thing is happening with the "Pixels" guy now.. all of a sudden a good idea is turning into something.. uhh.. something..

memedumpster
I'm just reminded of the police officer in Alive in Joberg, who in three lines delivered both sides of the personal conflict and gave the sense that he was on the side of the racists, but not explicitly. It was subtle, human, and not represented in the film's characterizations.

Chopping Mall could use a remake, but with a strict no cgi rule.

infinite zest
I saw it at a goodwill for a dollar on VHS but I already had like a backpack of 20.. it said "Dean Koontz" and I skipped it.. dangit. I'll try to find it. Looks like a good movie.

memedumpster
I never read the book, but I have read other Dean Koontz. I refuse to believe Dean Koontz had anything to do with Demon Seed. The movie must not be like the book, it can't be.

memedumpster
Oh, and don't forget Hardware! The existential crisis of a killing machine and its victims, plus Lemmy is in it.

SPK is going to write a twenty paragraph post about how all of these movies suck and we should get our own thread.

Which is why I will also go ahead and throw Electric Dreams in there for a cherry on... CHERRY 2000! You have to see that movie too!

Sudan no1
William Gibson liked Chappie, so.. I idk. I like RLM but this one seems too "lol cynical 2cool3movies" for me.
Sudan no1
typos.They also didn't seem to know who Die Antwood are, which is lame.

Potrod
It's getting mostly bad reviews, so it's not like they're going against the grain. Also I envy anyone who doesn't know who Die Antwoord are.

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