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Desc:Yeah it's shot in portrait but at least he apologizes for it
Category:Pets & Animals
Tags:goat, llama, better animals
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Comment count is 8
Binro the Heretic
When I was four, a white goat walked up to me while I was playing on my swing set in the back yard. The area we lived in at the time was still rural, but slowly transitioning into a suburb. There were still small farms scattered among the strip malls and middle-income housing developments. The goat must have gotten loose and gone wandering.

I was up on the slide and the goat just walked up and looked up at me expectantly. I climbed down and petted it for a bit then went into the house to ask my mom for something I could feed to the "horse" in the yard. (Hey, I was four and the goat didn't have horns or a beard like all the pictures of goats I'd seen.)

Thinking I was playing with an imaginary horse, mom gave me a carrot which I took out and gave to the goat who was nibbling our lawn. The goat ate the carrot and I went in to ask for another.

After I came back in and asked for a third carrot, mom scolded me. She thought I was wasting carrots. (I didn't eat raw carrots back then.) When I insisted there was a horse in the yard who was eating the carrots and got upset, she took my hand and we marched out to the back yard.

Almost as soon as we walked out, she saw the goat with a bundle of honeysuckle vines hanging from its mouth like spaghetti. There was a patch of woods behind the house and a lot of dense greenery grew at the edge. The goat looked at us quizzically as it chewed. Mom was stunned into immobility for a moment, then pulled me back inside. We watched the goat eat honeysuckle for a while and it eventually left.

When my dad got home, mom told him what had happened. He laughed but she didn't think it was funny. What if the goat had hurt me? Where did it come from? What if it came back? What if an even more dangerous animal showed up? From then on, I wasn't allowed to play outside unless mom was with me. In between her housekeeping and TV shows, I didn't get a lot of time outside.

A couple of weeks later, my dad spent the weekend putting up a fence of wooden posts and hardware cloth. I was allowed to play outside alone again. I never saw the goat again, though, and for a while I was mad I didn't get to keep it.
infinite zest
Just the other day I saw what couldn't have been more than a six year old walking a goat on a leash while I was on my porch drinking coffee. I was like "hey goat" and she gave me this stare like "what're you looking at?"

When I was in maybe 10th grade my high school decided that the best use for the old, empty shed in a little wooded spot near the gym was to get some goats and start a kind of "animal husbandry" elective course that was mainly three kids feeding and cleaning up after the goats for an hour on weekdays.

Goats are real assholes, so pretty much everyone liked them.

I prefer my goats to be either highly satanical or in a nice curry.

infinite zest
It's kinda like that elephant episode of the Simpsons. Some are just jerks. I used to be scared as fuck of goats because we went to the state fair when I was like 6 or 7 and went to the petting zoo and the goat bit me, made me drop the pellets of food and chased after me. Then we left the petting zoo to see the Llamas and one of them spit right in my face. Basically I didn't get over my fear of goats until they brought in goats to "mow the lawn" in the middle of the city and I had to ride my bike past them every day anyway. So I'd stop and say hi if I had time, and these were totally different goats than the ones I'd seen at petting zoos, especially the one who bit me. I turned out living with a few of those goats for a while after they were evicted. Think of it this way: if an alien species were looking at our species and observed only the Wal-Mart on Black Friday, the Airport or Old Country Buffet, they'd formulate the same opinion of humans as we would of goats raised to want nothing but food in a crowded space.

This is just viral marketing for a talking animal buddy road movie about a sassy goat and an uptight llama.
I had all of these awesome Milo and Otis jokes but whatever

infinite zest
I'm sure a lot of people are like "WHY DIDNT U CAL THE COPS NISTEAD OF FLIMING IT ANIMAL KILER" but I'm kind of glad he didn't. His calm and cool demeanor is exactly what they need. They're probably lost, scared, and the worst thing that could happen is a cop car pulling up and scaring them towards the freeway. Goats aren't too hard to catch, but Llamas, well I think we all saw that video.
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