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Desc:just fucking remake everything already fuck you
Category:Classic Movies, Trailers
Tags:FUCK YOU, remake, poltergeist
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Comment count is 21
Hah, this looks like such shit. I kinda love when these kinds of blatantly shit remakes come out and the filmmakers try to be all "Oh, we're putting our own unique touch on it" bullshit and then it comes out and it's basically just a textbook example of not being able to grasp subtlety or anything that remotely made the original good.

"See, in the original film, Spielberg the moron forgot to telegraph from the beginning that the creepy clown doll was, in fact, creepy, so we decided to build all of our marketing around this fact because otherwise the audiences won't know what to expect in advance and they will be lost as to what they are supposed to be afraid of. Oh, we also produced a companion pamphlet that informs the audience what in the movie is supposed to be scary and what is not."
Gunny McRifleson
Also the clown in the original looked like something a parent would conceivably give a child. It didn't look evil. Its like that Annabelle doll in The Conjuring. Might as well have a flashing neon THIS DOLL WILL KILL YOU sign with an arrow.

"Oh we are just putting our own unique touch on it.

Oh man, I've got shit all over my hands.

..where'd that come from?"

Jet Bin Fever
Lets play count the jump scares!
This really should be straight to "who the fuck cares".
Oscar Wildcat
Stars because it will make money despite what any of you say, no matter how shitty the resulting product is. And lord, will it be shite.
Rodents of Unusual Size
This looks incredibly shitty.
Here's the original trailer if you need to cleanse:

Binro the Heretic
What really pisses me off is there's no shortage of new great ideas. It's just Hollywood has become so afraid to do something unless they are absolutely sure they'll get a big return on their investment.

Stop spending so much God-damned money on making and marketing movies. Just find some great stories and lower your budgets.

Literally a precursor to the CGI-riddled remake of The Exorcist.
That guy
I went and gave this a thumbs down on youtube.

That will teach them.
Who is this guy? He's nowhere close to Zelda Rubinstein. Whose idea was this? Why is this happening? Why am I still alive?
I'm not even dead set against any and all remakes. It's unlikely I'll see them and they certainly don't tarnish the originals for me. But this has almost nothing going for it. Raimi is directing this and he doesn't done anything good since MAYBE "A Simple Plan". The other director did "Monster House", which was great, but this is "Poltergeist". And no Zelda Rubinstein. Probably because she's dead but whatever.

Let's hope the Poltergeist curse is a real thing.
She's dead but this a poor choice replacement for that character.

To clarify Raimi is not directing this, the lick knob who directed the shitty Evil Dead remake is directing this.

Right. I knew she was dead. I actually meant to add (because she's dead) but I forgot because I'm stupid. The part should have gone to someone equally creepy.

My mistake about Raimi. I guess he's producing this, not directing. In my defense, this is how Google has it listed:

PG-13 2015 ‧ Thriller/Horror
Watch trailer
Menacing spirits terrorize a suburban family and hold their youngest daughter captive.
Release date: May 22, 2015 (USA)
Directors: Sam Raimi, Gil Kenan

infinite zest
I really liked Raimi's Drag Me To Hell, I don't know why a lot of people didn't. I actually heard that Evil Dead wasn't that bad. Some movies do deserve a reboot, especially ones with shoestring budgets like Evil Dead and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I like the originals (also Carpenter's Dark Star) BECAUSE of the fact that they were so ingeniously made, but I don't really see any harm in spending an extra 50 million bucks on it and making it prettier and more modern.

But Poltergeist? That WAS big budget. Basially a big scarefest for kids who couldn't sneak into other horror movies like Friday The 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. That's not saying it's just for kids, but it's just a fun quirky scary-as-fuck movie that was already excellent.

I heard so many good things about "Drag Me To Hell" that I thought there would be no way I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't say I hated it or anything but I was pretty underwhelmed when it wrapped up.

Nooo Sam Rockwell!
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