|Maggot Brain |
OH~So dumb. Ganna see this one just like Les Misérables, black out drunk.
|Caminante Nocturno |
The fact that velociraptors can relate to horniness explains why Ian Malcolm was able to survive his encounters with them.
|Binro the Heretic |
The human hamster ball still pisses me off for reasons I can't quite grasp.
For me, it's because it is so obviously the thing you're going to be "riding" in during the fully-CG Universal Studios Theme Park® Jurassic World Experience™
Just the load screen screams awfulness
Good to know they're exploring questions we've all asked ourselves at one point or another, like "What if Siegfried and Roy had velociraptors?"
This looks like Jaws 3-D but worse because no Louis Gossett Jr. At least Mr. Pratt has a Guardians of the Galaxy sequel in the near future to help repair his career after this dud.
|The Mothership |
Producer: what if we have a scene where the Ankylosaurs play ball with the vulnerable kids in the motorized zorb thing? That'll be funny cause dinosaurs didn't play ball games with their tails, but they will in our movie.
Writer: ok, sure.
Producer: would it be too much for the Harlem Globetrotters music to be playing on the kids radio at the time?
Writer: that might be pushing it.
Sanest Man Alive
There are plenty of times one should dial back the silliness. When you've already doubled down on the crazyass Dino-Disneyland of the first JP is not one of those times.
Give me the Isla Nublar Zorbtrotters rolling balls full of kids down their backs and tail-whipping them into a perfect basket to the tune of Sweet Georgia Brown or give me death.
At least there's an ankylosaurus in the movie that way. Ankylosaurs always get the shaft.
I think this movie will be fun as shit. I commend you all on your jadedness and lack of suspension of disbelief.
How dare you like a thing one star
I like how that genetics guy from first movie is back again having learned no lessons at all from that incident and is somehow still employable. "Yeah so we made a genetic monster, and I have no experience with this sort of thing going wrong *cough*"
At first glance I would believe that this movie was made off a script that no one bothered to proof-read, but that's not the case. This is a result of the studio passing on a script that would have had human-dinosaur hybrid characters.
Turns out it only takes one generation to domesticate the velociraptor.
- CGI several grades below the effects from 1993. Very obvious greenscreen just about everywhere.
- Velociraptors, touted as the bloodthirsty superintelligent main attractions in the first film, are now able to be trained into docility. All this time they were just dumb lizards that like to eat and fuck. Who knew?
- Obligatory riding a motorcycle alongside a pack of Velociraptors.
- We went from this being a failed tourist attraction where nature trumped the hapless humans for playing God to a functional, lucrative Seaworld with dinosaurs. Apparently something happened in "Jurassic Park III" (which I've never seen) to bring us here.
Binro the Heretic
The actual in-movie graphics will be better.
They release these trailers before most of that shit's finished.
Seaworld with dinosaurs?? Oh, I am not looking forward to watching Blacklizard.
Actually, a Blackfish style fake documentary about cruelty to dinosaurs would be pretty awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the book have a scene where someone says that the dinosaurs are in close contact with humans from their birth, and therefore would never attack anyone? Basically driving the point home that they can never be tamed when they do start eating people.
Also in III, the island became sort of a forbidden area that the local governments cordoned off, but turned into a destination spot for trespassing thrillseekers.
How it got from that to this, I'm not sure.
To me this looks kind of terrible. I mean, when you are going to make a JP sequel called Jurassic World, I would think most people would visualize, like, an entire island of nothing but free roaming dinos and a movie that's basically just a non-stop version of the Skeleton Island sequence in King Kong. I don't want a shitty we're-trying-to-write-like-Crichton story line I just want tons of fucking dinosaurs going apeshit.
Oh, but another "cautionary" tale about science run amok, etc. etc.
No wonder Goldblum didn't want to be in this.
No one should ever try to write like Crichton.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I think this is more anti-corporate.
AND THE PTERODACTYLS ARE ATTACKING IN PLANNED FORMATION.
This movie will be rad.
boy does this shit look like shit
I just want one of those hamster-ball cars.
| Register or login To Post a Comment|