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Desc:And it's going to be one of the worst movie abominations of all time.
Category:Fashion, Crime
Tags:Jem, jem and the holograms, ABOMINATION, crapping on my childhood, Hollywood hates women
Submitted:Rodents of Unusual Size
Date:05/14/15
Views:1184
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Comment count is 46
yogarfield
Oh hey. This piece of shit is the reason Sienna D'Enema went off the air? Hate harder.
yogarfield
5 for fuck this
Lef
Where are the abortions? Has anyone thought of the ABORTIONS!

I won't offer stars to this shit pile unless Sienna tears it a new one with a masterful dub.
il fiore bel
What are you talking about? The whole movie is an abortion.

Lef
https://youtu.be/KS6HXDLLc-s

New Sienna. 5 stars.

Someone please submit, I gotta sleep.

EvilHomer
I've never been much of a fan of Sienna's work. She always struck me as being overly-reliant on edginess and shock humor, producing work midway between Homestuck and your average YTP. That said, what The Man did to Sienna was downright criminal, and I'd be happy to see her use this movie to make a triumphant return.

Quad9Damage
The Bratz movie meets 'That Thing You Do!' and someone greenlit this why what the fuck.
BHWW
Why the fuck is simply a) the deep seated fear many in Hollywood have of not making films based on dredged up intellectual properties in hopes of at least some interest based on vague name recognition and b) just like the original cartoon, to serve as a commercial for Hasbro toy product, and people involved hoping it will be more successful than the original at that.

Quad9Damage
So how popular was Jem in its day? I feel it's going to flop massively because tweens and teens likely have not a clue what fucking Jem is/was to begin with and adults who don't remember the cartoon would otherwise just recognize it through Sienna D'Enema videos anyway. And if you're a Sienna fan, what's the point since Sienna isn't writing, directing, or producing?

Old_Zircon
They're bandwagoning on the 8s retro fad, but a couple years too late because it's hollywood.

BHWW
According to my research, the Jem cartoon was a flash in the pan, a brief success followed by a catastrophic plummet. The toyline it was supposed to push was actually cancelled before the show was.

Now Hasbro is hoping this time, the toys they'll be pushing will be successful.

Old_Zircon
There are a lot of moms in their mid 30s who liked Jem as kids; they are a big part of the target demographic, too. Not because they'll watch it themselves, but because they'll take their daughters to it.

That's why there may be a 15-20 year nostalgia cycle, but there is a parallel 25-30 year "shameful cash grab revival" cycle.

Old_Zircon
C.F. the "50s revival" of the mid to late 80s that happened in parallel with 80s hipsters' rediscovery of 1967-74 rock that ended up turning in to various sorts of "alternative" and "grunge" when the market picked up on it in the early to mid 90s.

EvilHomer
It's weird you mention that, because I was just thinking about Brian Setzer.

http://www.theonion.com/article/lava-lamps-revert-from-passe-r etro-kitsch-back-to--456

il fiore bel
They could've gone a certain way with this.

Like, retain anything from the actual 80s cartoon.

Or not use a director involved in Justin Bieber's documentary.

Or... just leave the damn thing alone.
EvilHomer
I don't remember much about the 80s cartoon, but I'm fairly sure they could drop all of it and still be OK.

This is Jem we're talking about, not a masterpiece like Road Rovers.

il fiore bel
If they dropped all of the cartoon, then there's no point in calling it Jem and the Holograms. They might as well call it "Random Lame Girl Band Youtube Accidentally Made Famous."

gravelstudios
To all the commenters above:
This movie was made for 12 year old girls, not you. Get over it.
poorwill
gravelstudios to poetv: 12 year old girls are all easily amused idiots who don't deserve better than this.

yogarfield
#jizonjem

gravelstudios
to Poorwill: I couldn't have said it better myself :-)

poopy
Stop diddling 12 year old girls, poorwill

chumbucket
vocal fry-rageous
Hugo Gorilla
Hollywood hates everyone.
Caminante Nocturno
"This is about you not going your whole life wondering what would have happened if you didn't take that chance."
Binro the Heretic
I never watched the cartoon, so I don't understand the outrage.

This looks like a pretty typical girl flick. Is that the problem?
BHWW
The big pretend freakout over this movie is hysterical. It's like OMG PETER PARKER HAS ORGANIC WEB SHOOTERS IN THE MOVIE from some years back only way less.

At least half the freak outers are really, truly, deeply concerned about the HATE-RIARCHAL MISOGYNY and RACISMS in this trailer, like how according to some the black actress playing one of the Holograms isn't black enough, or something.

Caminante Nocturno
It is kind of frustrating that they took something as silly as Jem and turned it into something this generic.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Because the original, at least to me, was a pretty cool feminist statement. Jem wasn't obsessed with looks, she used them to hide her identity so that she could fight evildoers and make sure her father's orphanage survived. Her parents die in the first episode, and she is catapulted into legal battles all over the place, which is kind of heavily adult for a kids cartoon.

The ongoing off/on again thing with Rio not knowing she was Jem was a classic superhero trope (that they have totally ruined and Hannah Montana blatantly ripped off) and the original Synergy was a sentient AI invented by her father, and she was able to create holographic illusions to fool said evildoers.

The entire show took a woman lead and yes she wore dresses and used looks to her advantage, but the fact that they stripped this show of anything but that and took all of the confidence out of her character (who was defined by it) is really misogynistic in my opinion.

IrishWhiskey
Fans are annoyed it's loses everything unique from what they liked, making the Last Airbender and Dragonball movies look like faithful fan tributes.

Everyone else is asking why we're supposed to give a shit about what looks like a bland lifetime movie, and why a movie with Holograms in the title appears to have no Holograms.

I mean, it's directed by the guy who did Justin Beiber's documentary, and seems to be an attempt to copy it, despite the source material being about a superhero girl rocker with a hologram generating AI saving an orphanage from rival bands and villains. Imagine if they said they were making a live action Animaniacs, and just filmed a Dane Cook special while calling him Yakko. Yeah.

Rodents of Unusual Size
IrishWhiskey, thank you for the laugh. You are spot on.

Binro the Heretic
Ah, so they just took the name and made something with a totally different plot and tone from the thing people liked so much.

Ugh
i'll kill thiiisssss
Jet Bin Fever
From HASBRO STUDIOS, the makers of the Gi Joe franchise and of course Battleship! I look forward to seeing the Hungry Hungry Hippos movie, which according to their wiki is actually in development!
Binro the Heretic
Robot Chicken beat them to that punch years ago.

Maggot Brain
So they just made "rock start movie #2097" that sucks. She doesn't run the company and she doesn't have a super computer, it's just some chick with pink hair.
Sanest Man Alive
I'm amazed how many "worst movie abominations of all time" we've had recently. Equally amazing was how many of them were just dull, focus-grouped pap and not mockably terrible, or even fatal to any of the cast or crew!
That guy
OMIGOD WE'RE ON THE RADIO!!
badideasinaction
It's nice to know that angry crying over a childhood destroyed knows no gender bounds.
boner
I DON'T smell shitty panties. :(
Kabbage
Fuck-You Fiveday
dairyqueenlatifah
What. The. FUCK?

I'm not so much amazed at how utterly awful this looks (because really, is there any way a live-action theatrical Jem film wouldn't be utter shit?) but more so that it's....not representative of the source material at all. The whole cast of characters that aren't essential aren't there, and the catalyst of the show that made it it's own thing (a woman who glamorously and seemingly magically transformed into her celebrity alter ego via a super computer) is completely gone in favor of a generic ABC After School Special #13 meets Dreamgirls meets Bratz story that everyone's heard a billion times.

It reminds me of what they did with that Josie and the Pussycats movie that came out ten or so years ago, how it's only relationship to the source material was it's name and a loose resemblance of attire. But hey, at least that movie had people who could actually act with somewhat established careers and catchy, decently written music.

Look out Oogieloves and the Big Balloon Adventure, you've got competition on the horizon for your biggest box office bomb in history title.
Hailey2006
No magic earrings, No Misfits, this is going to suck!
Hailey2006
also they made this with permission of the original creator!

Hailey2006
*without* I mean or her input!

Lurchi
hey remember that Josie and the Pussycats movie?

no?
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