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Desc:15 minutes of Square's trademark CG masturbation spiced with lots of made up words
Category:Video Games, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:final fantasy, square, The banality of modern big budget video games, who asked for this?, make up words to sound profound
Submitted:Killer Joe
Date:07/07/15
Views:813
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Comment count is 15
memedumpster
Th'fuck is this? Where's Peter Steele?
dairyqueenlatifah
Story/characters/writing wise, this is hands down the worst FF game. It's beyond retarded. It was the hipster's FF for the last few years, the FF game that came up in every "XIII sucks, Lightning is Satan, Final Fantasy is dead" conversation as being "But not Type-0! It's great! It's the best FF game in YEARS!" while it was still a Japan-only PSP game. Now that it's on PS4 and XB1 in English it doesn't get that hipster love anymore. Gameplay isn't bad though, and for what it's worth it was interesting to see Final Fantasy attempt to incorporate RTS elements. It was also nice that it includes an overworld map and a controllable airship that you can fly around said overworld map and towns on that overworld map that you can visit, things fans have been begging Square Enix to bring back since the abandoned them in FFX which Square Enix keeps giving the middle finger to.

It should be interesting to see what FFXV's story turns out like, since it spent eight years in the hands of Tetsuya "I created the Disney/FF/DARKNESS fanfiction.net nightmare that is KH" Nomura and then was handed over to the guy who directed this train wreck of a narrative. If it has any coherence at all by the time it's ten plus years of development hell under those two guys finally comes to a close it'll be a miracle.
Kid Fenris
Well, the dying chocobo is more sympathetic than most characters in modern blockbuster games. I'll give it that much.
Xenocide
Nice choice on that color palette, guys. Does this entire game take place inside a of jar of pee.
Merzbau
FFXIII almost killed JRPGs for me until I stopped playing (I think about 8-ish hours in, after realizing that I *still* had less control over how I played than in your average gun-corridor Modern Warfare-type game), took a break for a while, and dug out the copy of Nier that had been sitting on my shelf for a while.

And now I feel like an idiot for waiting because Nier is goddamn brilliant. It has problems (some janky low-budget animations and textures in places; a drastically compressed world, a function of making the overworld between towns and dungeons more MMO-style "open worlds"), but it also has genuinely good writing (I say good; for a video game, it's great, and for a JRPG it's fucking Proust), a likeable cast with motivations that make sense, and the best localization- not just voice acting- of any voice-heavy Japanese game I have ever played.

I just played a stretch of a couple of hours this afternoon that contained a series of short, evocative text adventures, an area that sends up the original Resident Evil, and a genuinely touching use of the word "shit-hog."

And as of E3, there's a PS4 sequel coming, developed by Platinum (Vanquish, Bayonetta, MGR: Revengeance, etc). Play the first one, though; not least because you can get it for like brand new.
Scynne
All Square is anymore is a CG movie studio.
fedex
Crystal Jammer is the name of my next band
Quad9Damage
AND THEN LIGHT FELL IN LOVE WITH AND HAD A CHILD WITH SIN, AND TOGETHER THEY NAMED HIM 'PRETENTIOUSNESS' AFTER HE GREW HIS WINGS TO DRAW THE BARZI SWORD THAT WOULD BRING FORTH A RAY, WHICH THEY CALLED 'HOPE.' BUT HOPE WAS STOLEN BY THE PHILISTINE JESUS KNIGHTS OF NEW BATHSHEBA EDEN BALTHAZAR COLONY 6, AND TEARS BECAME THEIR SONG, A SONG HARDENED INTO AN OCARINA WHICH WOULD ONE DAY SING ASMODEUS INTO HIS ETERNAL SLUMBER AFTER THE IGNITING OF THE FORTH DARKSTAR, UPON WHICH WE LAY OUR LAST WISH FOR THE HERO OF THE BLOOMKNIGHT EMPIRE TO EMERGE. AND THEN I MASTURBATED, AND I FELL ASLEEP.
Sexy Duck Cop
THERE WAS A GREAT QUADRILLIUM CRYSTAL NAMED HONORIUM, IN WHOSE STEAD WE JUSTLY TREMBLE, BUT THE MILITIUM OF THE NATIONONIOIUS OF VERDANIUM-RUSSIATOWN INVADATRONNED THE PEACEFUL NATIONONIOUS OF HAPPYRICORN BY OH FUCK IT I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

WHEN DID THIS FRANCHISE FORGET HOW TO TELL A SIMPLE STORY

STAR WARS WAS ABOUT SPACE FARMERS THAT BRING A EMPIRE TO ITS KNEES. THAT'S COOL. WE DON'T NEED THIS CONVOLUTED, SELF-SERIOUS "EPIC" BULLSHIT."

infinite zest
It was at least cool to watch, but I gave up halfway through FF8. Maybe they should just make a movie or something. It could star the guy from glengarry glen Ross and Donnie from Big Lebowski. That would be a smash hit.
FABIO
Spirits Within says they shouldn't.

Sexy Duck Cop
People say Game of Thrones has gotten too dark lately. But take away the rape and cynicism and realpolitik, and this shit starts popping up.
FABIO
It still makes me sad how Deus Ex: HR obviously had some of the best writing talent in the business working for them when you encountered a lot of side conversations and emails.

But the main storyline was HORRID typical SqaureEnix shit. Some people say the boss fights were the worst part. No, the worst part was the cutscenes before and after the boss fights.
FABIO
and this video was a lot of technical effort wasted by the douche director ruining it with that over exposure effect. Was he trying to go for an old newsreel effect?

Spectacularly inept all around.

Kid Fenris
Seconding this. Nier is some great stuff.
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