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Desc:As discussed in Half In the Bag #32
Category:Classic Movies, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:stupid, Battleship, burrito, horrible movie infinity
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:07/22/15
Views:1297
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Comment count is 33
Old_Zircon
I'm pretty sure being in this movie is Taylor Kitsch's dark past that they keep alluding to in the new True Detective.
memedumpster
Holy fuck, I made it 53 seconds. This is a million times worse than I expected. This movie is 131 minutes long, watching it has to be a fate worse than death.
garcet71283
Eh, its watchable. Its mindless in a Michael Bay sorta way but definitely more watchable.

EvilHomer
It got a very glowing review on Half in the Bag. I have not seen it, but Mike and Jay said it was a lot better (in the sense of being enjoyable to watch) than it had any right to be.

infinite zest
Thing is Michael Bay gets credit for movies he didn't even do, except for help produce. And while I do wonder why Hollywood has resorted to making games out of board games with little or no plot, I kind of understand: they're a billion dollar industry whereas making your own indie film about a down on his luck alcoholic who gets busted for breaking into a convenience store would be hard to find backing for. Just make sure there's something about Battleships in there and you're good to go!

infinite zest
"making movies out of board games," that is.

infinite zest
Actually, that's pretty much the plot to Les Miserables. But nobody wanted to read that long and boring book. Put it to music though and you've got Broadway Gold! But that was the 80s. This time around you've gotta put it to battleships.

The Mothership
Was this the one with Liam Neeson and the MechaWhale from space? Cause now I want to watch the shit out of that. This is just awful.
SolRo
It's definitely on the fun-awful end of the terrible scale.

Binro the Heretic
I didn't hate it.

Lord knows, it isn't a good movie, but it's sort of fun.

Rodents of Unusual Size
When I saw this movie I literally could not believe my eyes as to how bad it was. It is like every lazy movie rolled into a lazy movie burrito and farted out by a teamster.
fluffy
This was always my favorite part of the board game.
15th
Propaganda shit-film taps into Jackass demographic. Some poor soul was probably inspired and died as a result of this film.

Good night.
wtf japan
IT'S TOO LATE TO EAT A BURRITO.
TeenerTot
For reals! If I eat a peanut butter cracker after 7 pm, I'm up all night with the acid. Never mind a big fat convenience store burrito.

infinite zest
Who says they're going to bed? It's only midnight. That's sort of my dinner hour and I'm up until 7AM most days, sleep until 1, go to work.. but then again I'm not supposed to be on a battleship.

baleen
In the screenwriting trade, that's what is called a reverse deus ex machina.

infinite zest
Montezuma's Forgiveness?

Caminante Nocturno
Ever since they instated requiting quotas, standards have just gone to shit.
Dr Robot
You guys do recognize this is an homage to a famous viral video that I'm pretty sure is on this site... Not saying that makes it good, merely more wonderfully awful.
The Mothership
Think you mean this one? Cause this is what I immediately thought of too.

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=75750

Dr Robot
There's another one showing a guy breaking in through the roof, then falling through, then falling again then resigning himself to waiting for the cops. All the angles are the same as Peter Berg uses in Battleship. Maybe I'll try to find it, but I've only been a lurker here since almost day one, never a good submitter, and only intermittently good at participating in the Hopper, so I dunno how I'll find it.

I just love you guys and the stuff you put up. I'm a leech of sorts, I admit it.

The Mothership
love you too, hon.

EvilHomer
That looks like it took more than five minutes.
infinite zest
It could happen! Convenience stores sort of thaw their frozen product so it's ready in about a minute, maybe a bit longer. I've known people who have gone on beer runs from a convenience store 4 blocks down the street at less than 5 minutes to beer o'clock.

But most convenience stores that close a little early do that to avoid drunkies at last call; since they're not doing food service of any kind anymore, that means it's last call so you've gotta get out of there anyway. Would've been easier if you just offered to take her to Taco Bell, bro.

Juice Eggs McKenna
I'm sure I've seen this movie (while sober even) but I don't remember a single thing about it.
TeenerTot
He's running from police with a weapon in his hand, but he isn't gunned down. Oh, he's white.
Sexy Duck Cop
#whitelivesmatter

StanleyPain
It's important to note that this is effectively the OPENING of the film. Yes, the epic, sci-fi adventure you wanted to see starts you out with this.
infinite zest
heh.. I think this is all of the movie that I want to see. This actually happened to me, sort of. I left something at the store I was working at but I had a key so it wasn't a big deal, just walk in and grab it. My backpack got caught on the candy thing so there were all these tootsie roll pops and other shit all over the place. And as luck would have it I didn't think to disable the silent alarm. So all of a sudden there's cops there wondering what I'm doing putting a whole bunch of candy back into a thing. I knew I was going to get fired for this but my boss thought it was the funniest thing ever. I miss that store.

infinite zest
I should mention that I was pretty drunk at the bar across the street too.. my life plays out just like Battleship! What happens after this I can't wait!

Old_Zircon
AC/DC montage.

Callamon
So I really wanted a directors commentary on this film. He's never really copped to it in an interview either. This whole thing has got to be a masterful satire of summer blockbusters. I mean the aliens were clearly the good guys in the film.
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