Once, in the early 80s, I took a personality test.

Me too, and they threw me out. Really.

Anecdotes!!! Both of you!

I went into a now defunct Scientology center to take the "Oxford Capacity Analysis" supposed personality test many years ago on the dare of a friend. If you've never seen it, it's 200 weird questions that Hubbard made up out of thin air (like everything) and proclaimed it scientifical. It actually measures nothing and is used purely as a recruitment device. When the bug-eyed lady came with my "results", naturally I was in need of help from Scientology. My crime was to start asking questions like why is it called the Oxford test? It has nothing to do with Oxford. The bug-eyed lady became extremely angry and started to use what I later learned was called "Tone 40" on me. I laughed. That was it for her. She summoned a goon and I was shown the door. There is probably some piece of paper somewhere saying I am a Suppressive Person in their files. They never throw anything away.

I'll tell the story if I have time, but let me warn you in advance, its not going to be much of a story, mostly because I don't remember that much.

It was in Portland Maine, 1981, not long after I'd moved there. There was a young guy who stood on Congress Street, near the center of town, with a clipboard. For a brief while, he was a known local character. Everyody who ever walked through the center of town would be politely asked if he/she wanted to take a personality test. I remember that he seemed like a nice enough fellow. He sort of resembled the teacher in Welcome Back Kotter. He'd asked me a couple of times if I wanted to take the test before I finally acquiesced.

I don't remember a lot about the test. I think it was in two parts over two days, multiple choice and interview. I don't remember if any electronic hardware was involved. I remember that my results were predictably disheartening. I needed Scientology real bad. I got depressed afterward, but I never considered signing up for anything, and the guy didn't push. I suspect that minimum wage workers didn't get the hard sell.

These sites aren't really made for us outsiders (wogs). They're made for Scientologists, who aren't allowed to see the doc or surf the web without filters, since they'd be "SecChecked" if they did. The purpose is to convince them that everyone in the doc is a "Suppressive Person" and therefore evil.
The SecChecking is another example of the genius of Hubbard. You actually pay for your own interrogation and humiliation.

Wow, that's awesome. From Wikipedia's article on SecChecking, here are a few of the questions they ask you:
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Are you a pervert?
Are you guilty of any major crimes in this lifetime?
Have you been sent here knowingly to injure Scientology?
Are you or have you ever been a Communist?

Have you ever embezzled money?
Have you ever been a drug addict?
Have you ever bombed anything?
Have you ever murdered anyone?
Have you ever raped anyone?
Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm?

Do you collect sexual objects?
Do you have a secret you are afraid I'll find out?
Are you upset by this security check?
Have you ever had unkind thoughts about L. Ron Hubbard?

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Have you ever smothered a baby?
Have you ever enslaved a population?
Have you ever destroyed a culture?
Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
Have you ever zapped anyone?
Have you ever eaten a human body?
Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
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"Have you ever zapped anyone". That is a real question, which grown-up people have asked each other.

I thought they asked if you ever had homosexual tendencies, as well. That may be another process.

The great thing is that since Hubbard's word is gospel, they can't change it. That means stuff like "have you ever zapped anyone" will remain in there forever.

I guess that means Scott Baio can never be a Scientologist.

There is a version called the "Joburg Sec Check" where you are asked such questions as:
Have you ever practiced Homosexuality? (1.1 on Hubbard's "Tone Scale" which is "covert hostility" and very bad.)
Have you ever had intercourse with a member of your family?
Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another color? (Hubbard was a racist asshole)
Have you ever done any illicit Diamond buying? (?)
Have you ever been a newspaper reporter? (Hubbard HATED the press)
Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm? (?)
Have you ever used Dianetics or Scientology to force sex upon someone? (see Black Dianetics, which in fact Hubbard was prone to using on his perceived enemies)

Now all of these questions are asked while you are hooked up to Hubbard's idiot box, the e-meter. If the needle moves during any of the questions then you are interrogated further until you cough up something. This usually happens because people just want it to be over. This can last hours and days. It's not just your present life that is covered, it's all of your millions of past lives. And you are paying for it.

*****
Caminante

That was just so deliciously dumb, and such an old reference.

For Caminante!

1 star for Caminante making the joke I was going to make first and better.