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Desc:She references a meme! Also 'Dude, seriously?' counts as a punchline, it seems.
Category:Humor, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:CRINGE, lolcats, open mic, bad standup
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Comment count is 28
The Mothership - 2015-08-31
That IS a dumb hat.
infinite zest - 2015-08-31
Grown men and women in childrens' hats.

il fiore bel - 2015-08-31

It's a WONDERFUL hat. It just happens to be on the head of someone who's awful at comedy.

M-DEEM - 2015-08-31
You put that hat on an infant. Infants wear that hat.

Xenocide - 2015-08-31
That hat is clearly too big for an infant. The infant would be consumed by the hat. There would be no infant left. People would ask, "what became of this infant?" and you would have to respond, "It was devoured by the cloth ghost."

EvilHomer - 2015-08-31
Yeah, that hat fits quite snugly on her head. Either A) you know some freakishly large infants or B) she's got an exceptionally tiny head.

Of course, infants implies plural. Perhaps you are saying that three or four infants huddle together and wear that hat, simultaneously?

infinite zest - 2015-08-31
Have you guys been to a Hot Topic in the past 10 years? It's full of Pikachus and Finn Hats and other stuff like this. There was a period of time back in the 90s or early 2000s where a grown-up could wear a Super Mario Bros shirt or a LOLCAT hat, but sadly those days of semi-obscure referential fashion have been replaced by the rise of nerd-chic, so the only thing to do is button the fuck up and get ready for work. You have a 7:30AM meeting.

M-DEEM - 2015-09-03
Correct. Multiple infants may wear the hat simultaneously. The infant may use the hat as a hammock. The infant remains sovereign and singly entitled to the hat.

EvilHomer - 2015-08-31
EvilHomer - 2015-08-31
She needs to wear the hat, though.

snothouse - 2015-08-31
spikestoyiu - 2015-08-31
I lasted thirteen seconds. That has to be some sort of record for me.
TheOtherCapnS - 2015-08-31
That was utterly amazing. I forced myself to do the whole thing. I think I might have been more uncomfortable than she was for parts of it. I wish I could experience watching that for the first time every day. I feel like I just had a near-death experience and walked away unscathed. The grass looks greener, the sun is shining bright and a breeze smells like honeysuckle. It's good to be alive (and not like her).
That guy - 2015-08-31
Oh my God, I'm glad you're ok.

I felt shudders of sympathy-humiliation that were starting to reach Teen Witch Top That levels, so I had to turn it off.

EnochEmery - 2015-08-31
The BF does stand up comedy so I've been to more open mics than I can count. I've pretty much lost whatever little faith in humanity I had left because of it.
"who here likes weed?"
"hey, give it up for yourselves!"
"any Cubs fans here tonight?"
"I was at a taco bell last night.."
That guy - 2015-08-31
Please, please do a really, really hostile meta set with just those types of lines as you pantomime tying a noose, or show a brainwashing film, or pretend to shit and thrown it at the audience. I'm begging you.

infinite zest - 2015-08-31
Yes, please do. For now Patton Oswalt's recounting of Doctor Pepper is my favorite standup:


endlesschris - 2015-08-31
Shitting on an open mic is low-hanging fruit you guys. These people are just getting started, and have the bravery to try getting on stage. Being a dick about it is just petty.
EnochEmery - 2015-08-31
I do tend to agree with you, and I've tried to be supportive of my friend and his fellow comedians. I would never heckle an open mic and I always applaud everybody. The thing is, a lot of these people aren't really even trying that hard. They think you can just go up on stage and ramble about nothing and somehow be funny with no preparation. Just because your friends think you're funny while your sitting around getting high doesn't make you a comedian. And some of these guys have been doing open mics for YEARS without getting anywhere and they don't have a clue why.
Having talked to tons of amateur comedians I've noticed that a (perhaps not) surprising percentage of them have psychiatric issues; bi-polar, depression, even schizophrenics. Some of them work it into their act and they can be quite funny, some it's just painful. It may be cathartic for them, but it's not comedy.
Still, if you are going up there you have to expect to be judged on your work and if you just aren't funny it might be considered cruel to keep encouraging you if it's just not your talent.

baleen - 2015-08-31
No, watching people bomb at comedy is hilarious.
Also, sucking at comedy is the only way to get better. This woman is really really nervous, she's rushing her material, she's completely lost in the woods, and that's completely normal. She's lucky people didn't tear her to pieces, which happens. You have to withstand ridicule to survive the stage. We might as well enjoy the cringe.

The Mothership - 2015-08-31
Yea but that hat, yo.

betabox - 2015-09-01
I thought being petty dicks was why we were here.

Am I missing something, or is it you? Pretty sure it's you.

Scrimmjob - 2015-08-31
She should have stuck to Japanese!
Doomstein - 2015-09-01
That would have been my entire act.

1. Introduction in Japanese.

2. Start telling jokes in Japanese.

3. Pause for applause and laughter that won't come, because nobody there will understand Japanese at the local McPiggins BBQ place in Central Florida I'd be performing at.

4. Start making wild accusatory gestures at patrons and start screaming at them aggressively in Japanese.

5. Drop the mic.

6. Stroll out the door.

StanleyPain - 2015-08-31
This seriously puts me in mind of that one guy whose entire stand up act is basically explaining who Chris-Chan is, then making fun of him.
chumbucket - 2015-09-01
Like some awful person to be stuck sitting next to on a pan pacific flight.
Bus_Aint_Comin - 2015-09-01
there's so much here.

1. if it says "ophelia" on her birth certificate, i'll eat MY hat.

2. weeaboos doing comedy

3. scenic Modesto, California!

4. surprisingly supportive crowd
Nominal - 2017-08-21
80% of amateur stand up crowds are other amateur standups. 15% are friends that they roped into coming. 5% are just there for dinner and had no clue there was a standup night.

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