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Desc:A new take on fat shaming
Category:Military, Humor
Tags:fat, ranger, mall, Phony
Submitted:Doc Victor
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Comment count is 39
EvilHomer - 2015-10-23
I'd like to know this guy's real story. Clearly he's not a Ranger, but was he a veteran? If so, then what was his MOS, really? Did he have a bad experience in service? And if he's not actually military, then did he have family, or friends in uniform?

It's hard to understand what's going through the minds of guys like this, but everyone's experience is different, and there's got to be a thousand stories for a thousand fakers. Most of the "stolen valor" clips I've seen are just like this one - a brief encounter, a flurry of questions, a man walks away in shame. That's all well and good, but it raises more questions than it answers. So, if anyone here knows any fake Rangers personally, or has read any in-depth exposes on such people, I'd love to hear your experiences!
EvilHomer - 2015-10-23
Also, follow-up question, specifically for Cena: have there ever been any Coastie fakers? And if so, why did they bother?

Anaxagoras - 2015-10-23
"It's hard to understand what's going through the minds of guys like this"

The video's description has a pretty good guess:

"I'm guessing he was trying his hand at some discounts."

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
It's easy to get discounts, though! You don't have to be a Ranger with twenty tours in Afghanistan, you just need a VA card or a military ID; heck, even if you were never actually in service, you could wear a plain uniform with no bullshit patches, and it would be just as effective.

Take me, for example. I was a crap soldier. I sat behind a desk filing paperwork, I never went overseas, I was in for barely more than a year, and I spent far more time watching anime with my fellow nerd battle buddies than I ever did holding a rifle. I accept this; I am neither proud nor ashamed of what I did. But here's the kicker - I'm *still* just as eligible for 15% discounts at select stores and restaurants as any high-speed, all-American alpha soldier! I can walk into a store and say, "Hi! I'm twenty pounds overweight. I never killed anyone. No-one ever shot at me. I had an unsexy job. Here is my card; please give me a .00 discount on this packet of shirts" and the store people will give me that .00 discount, DING, with a smile and a thank-you-for-your-service. I swear to God, I've done that before, or things very near like it!

The point is, people (civilian and military) generally don't give a shit how high-speed you are - they'll be nice to you whether you were a Navy SEAL or a National Guard laundry technician. The discounts will come, and the goodwill will come too, just so long as you don't front. As such, there's GOT to be something more at work here! This guy's taking an extra step, an unnecessary step, a *dangerous* step, even. He has a psychological need to be seen as a Ranger, and it's for no logical, practical gain, just his own internal benefit.

(of course, he might simply be an idiot)

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
Another thing is, I, personally, would hesitate making fun of him. I mean, he's clearly not who he says he is - he's not infantry and if he ever qualified for the 75th Rangers, it was YEARS ago. Yet, he could still be a soldier. He could be a National Guard dude who drove trucks in Iraq. He COULD have a lot of dead friends that we don't know about; maybe he's super depressed and insecure and needs to playact as a Ranger to try and regain some control over his life. I have mad respect for drivers; society looks down on them, but they had a crappy job, and it was dangerous as hell. Maybe he's got legit valor, and is only stealing a -little- bit?

Or he's a piece of shit. I don't know, I CAN'T know, and that's what gets to me the most.

Cena_mark - 2015-10-24
I've never met a stolen valor guy. That includes coasties.
Sure coasties don't do much killing, but that's what makes us great. Also I've helped keep dangerous drugs off the street, and have protected the environment.

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
I may have met one or two; there've been some guys I talked to who couldn't get their stories straight. One of them I'm pretty sure was a veteran, just not who he said he was (he claimed to have been an infantryman in Desert Storm, but he couldn't name the parts of an M16, and the combat he described sounded a lot like early Afghanistan), and the second guy might not have been a vet at all (he claimed to be a Marine Corps sniper, but he said he was part of an eight-man squad, he told some weird stories about engaging targets at ranges not typical for snipers, and he used imperial measurements, instead of metric). Can't say for sure, though, because again, I wasn't combat, I don't know enough about combat jobs to call people out, and I wouldn't want to humiliate them unless I knew their whole story.

I really wish you Coasties would stop fucking with the drug trade. Rescuing drunk fishermen and helping out the environment is awesome, but you've murdered ssssooooo many cool parties. The blood of those parties is on your hands. :(

Cena_mark - 2015-10-24
Hey, those parties can run just fine without dangerous illegal drugs. We have plenty of safe legal alcohol. Granted the Coast Guard stopped many boozy parties during prohibition.

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
>> Granted the Coast Guard stopped many boozy parties during prohibition.

Exactly. You Coasties are always just one Constitutional amendment away from destroying everything that is fun in life. It's a serious moral conflict.

Oscar Wildcat - 2015-10-24
Presumably the only safe place for all that submarine cocaine to reside are your capacious nostrils.

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
Not mine, no. I never do drugs; drugs are for losers, and as CM Punk once said unto the Pharisees, "Straightedge means I'm better than you".

But it should be a personal choice to abstain from the evils of drugs, not one enforced by the cruel and merciless Coast Guard.

infinite zest - 2015-10-24
There's always some fake Coast Guard people in Portland in May; the Rose Festival is sort of like their Mardis Gras when they come into Port. I wouldn't be able to tell who's who because I don't know a starboard from a port (I mean I really don't) but there's plenty of fists-a-swingin' in cool sailor attire every year in my neighborhood.

chumbucket - 2015-10-25
I think the past couple of decades has had some extra glorification of special services. Fiction and nonfiction. Like all of those cable tv things on surviving hell week or BUDS training. So widespread that I can imagine plenty of folks not quite right in the head who decide to just pretend to be one of those few. Why risk the real deal if you can just act the part and delude yourself into thinking you COULD be that guy. But you aren't nor will you ever be.

The Mothership - 2015-10-23
For the upset dude's girl.
M-DEEM - 2015-10-23
I'm less worried about marshmallow men at the mall stealing your valor than marshmallow men in congress stealing your benefits.

I also confess that I stole a shit ton of valor every oct. 31st between the years of 1988-1992.
Kid Fenris - 2015-10-23
I worked at a valor stand one summer, and we'd take home whatever unsold valor was going to expire the next day. No one called it stealing.

M-DEEM - 2015-10-23
Ok that's fine but next summer keep in mind you could donate some of that unexpired valor to local charities for a tax write off

infinite zest - 2015-10-24
Heh.. I also confess that I stole valor up until 1999 or so, both for the Mushroom Kingdom and Pac-Land.

Gmork - 2015-10-25
Occasionally I wear vietnam era army surplus boots because I have absolutely enormous feet and they fit well. Does that mean my feet are guilty of stealing valor, or is all of me guilty?

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-10-24
This kind of thing boggles me. What the hell goes through people's minds? How fucking common is this? How the hell can you think you won't get caught?
Monkey Napoleon - 2015-10-24
To be fair, for every youtube asshole trying to expose you... there's a thousand people willing to practically blow you who won't question it for a second.

It would be a lot less common without that American brand of creepy stupid soldier worship.

blue vein steel - 2015-10-24
Yeah, i get the appeal of being a faker. I live near the Army's largest basic training base (Columbia, SC) and two Air Force bases, and while the obvious recruits get treated with mild contempt most places (they have a reputation for causing problems at bars and such), the actual enlisted, NCOs and officers from the base are treated great around here. I'm sure they get 10 people daily saying "Thank you for your service", free drinks and food, discounts everywhere and yes, it can help guys punch well above their weight as far as getting sexy time with the ladies. Doing it around here would get your ass kicked quickly, though, and probably put in stocks and have rotten vegetables thrown at you at the entrance to the Fort.

blue vein steel - 2015-10-24
Not saying i would do it or anything, those guys are despicable.

Spaceman Africa - 2015-10-24
Everyone in this video is a bad person.
Spaceman Africa - 2015-10-24
Actually after looking at the rest of the channel I'm inclined to say the creepy assholes filming random people without their consent and yelling "STOLEN VALOR!!" in public are worse

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
The guy filming it is a bit of an asshole, yes, but you have to remember, the guy filming this was an infantryman. He's probably seen a ton of terrible shit, and may have a touch of PTSD; it's perfectly understandable why he'd be an asshole towards people (especially fat people) who pretend to be infantry.

Above, I mentioned that dressing up like a Ranger might be a way the faker copes. By the same token, filming (alleged) poseurs and screaming at them is probably the way the cameraman copes.

Waugh - 2015-10-24
everyone is a bad person

Gmork - 2015-10-25
But mostly you, waugh.

Doc Victor - 2015-10-24
Homer, if I had to guess, I'd say he probably had some (I.E. Very little) military experience, bad or otherwise. I don't think he's coping with anything except some well-deserved butthurt.
I have no pity for this guy. He went out to the mall in a done-up clown suit and got lit up. The line of questioning is the thing that sets this one apart; the slow build up is great and the dudes response to his dicked up flag is still worth a laugh.
Also, cameraman deserves no hate. He didn't get at all physical with the guy and was totally in the right for speaking up about something that is unquestionably long. If he made a series of these videos intercut with unfunny sketch comedy and ran a side business where he paradoxically allowed civilians to pretend they were soldiers for a lucrative fee, then maybe we could rightfully say he was a bit of a dick.
EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
Yeah, the flag was pretty funny. That and "I gave my combat patch to a little kid" were my favorite parts.

EvilHomer - 2015-10-24
Also, "All I do is I go out on missions".

infinite zest - 2015-10-25
What I don't understand is why the guy didn't just walk away when it became pretty obvious he was being called out, which was pretty early on. He might feel a little butthurt possibly having a guy walking behind him filming and talking shit, but he would've saved himself a lot of disgrace in front of a camera.

spikestoyiu - 2015-10-24
I used to work at this mall.

This video is old.
RedRust - 2015-10-26
What kind of pretzel joint did they have there?

MurgatroidMendelbaum - 2015-10-24
Black Friday plus military discounts = Federal Offense!

Think he also has handicap plates for his weight?
Bus_Aint_Comin - 2015-10-25
they were gonna make me a major for this. and i wasn't even in their fuckin army anymore.
memedumpster - 2015-10-25
No one calls out fake Power Rangers.
RedRust - 2015-10-26
In regards to VA medical benefits, navigating the system is a nightmare. One of the upsides though is getting the medications covered. I know a lot of patients who see their primary MD as usual, however use the VA as their actual medication supply...
RedRust - 2015-10-26
So I was at a gun store making a purchase, and thie guy behind the counter probably thinks i'm some terrorist or something, making a straw purchase. First he looks at my drivers license and says "that's a good one" as if it were fake. He then starts talking about how he was going to go on a couple of campaigns in the military. I was listening politely and nodding my head. Seconds later he says " You know, you can only go on "X" number of campaigns, right?" Wtf? How am I as a civilian supposed to know this stuff and he's grilling me as if i'm trying to b.s. him. phew.
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