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Desc:The Onion's existentially terrifying TMZ parody tackles today's hot celeb gossip
Category:Religious, Horror
Tags:Bill Cosby, oj simpson, The Onion, starwipe, the horror the horror
Submitted:Sexy Duck Cop
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Comment count is 9
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-11-08
Must see more of this!
Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-11-08
That can be arranged. Check the Hopper.

infinite zest - 2015-11-08
God, I watched TMZ every day for about two years straight. It went Maury, Jerry, Steve, TMZ, Cops and then I went to work. The existential dread felt here is nothing compared to my own, wondering why I'm not bettering myself and going to culinary school while learning what Heath Leger's doing these days..

infinite zest - 2015-11-08
(all the commercials during those shows are either for culinary or nursing school, catering to the "what am I doing with my life" crowd, for all you 9-5ers out there.)

EvilHomer - 2015-11-09
Back when I still watched TV, I used to love checking different channels at different times, studying commercials to try and figure out what sort of people the networks assumed were watching! Adult Swim had a lot of nursing school commercials, too, as well as injury lawyers.

To answer your existential dread, IZ: I think it's because most people watching TMZ have already given up on life, and TMZ knows this. TMZ likes to encourage depression, because if you ever cheered up, then you'd have neither the time nor the inclination to watch TMZ anymore. You're not expected to better yourself by going to culinary school; you're just supposed to notice it's there, so that your life's ever-diminishing potential will remain on your thoughts for the rest of the day.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-11-09
I went straight to the channel and binge-watched the whole playlist. My purely emotional reaction is that I think this is the best thing the Onion's ever done. If there's a bunch more in the hopper, I'll discuss that later.

infinite zest - 2015-11-09
I really just watched it because I had nothing else to do. I could've been reading, or writing, doing something creative, but since my ex got up in the morning I'd get up with her and walk her to the bus stop, and then just sit around in sort of a self-prescribed mind novocaine state of mind, those shows on and me playing Unreal Tournament, dreading all week my impending doom by having to climb up a 75 foot metal ladder outside in negative temperatures with no safety support to change marquee letters at work.. I always assumed I would fall to my death so why go back to school? I just want to know what BenJen is up to these days and who the father was/wasn't.

infinite zest - 2015-11-09
@JHM Maybe I'm biased because The Onion was unofficially my University's newspaper, and this is really good, but it really doesn't hold a candle to The Onion circa 2000.

Caminante Nocturno - 2015-11-09
Up Next: Top 10 celebrities you won't believe support the letter of the law over the spirit!
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