*the trailers haven't

Yeah, it's weird how close it is to my theories (you'll just have to take my word for it because I haven't posted them all on here yet) but I think R&M (and me and a lot of other people) are overthinking it, since all these reveals and plot twists would come out completely garbled in VII's runtime of only 2 hours and 16 minutes.

Rearrange Kylo Ren and you get Luke Skyw. It'obvious that Luke is Kylo Ren.

I got Rilo Kiley :(

Yeah, I'm not getting "Luke Skyw", either. "Kylo Ren" has no U, no S, and no W. :(

Also, only one K, and you'd need two Ks to make Luke Skyw.

My personal theory is the one Rich and Mike get to right at the end - the movie will be fast and fun, while the plot, straightforward, with no heaviness or surprises. JJ Abrams is directing it, so it's reasonable to assume that it will be a JJ Abrams film.

luke kills dumbledore

Yeah, maybe it was the same interview I read but Abrams said something that was like "that's even more absurd than the 'Jar Jar is a Sith Lord' rumors" or something to that effect. I actually felt bad for Lucas. It's like inheriting your father's restaurant and turning it into a night club, even though he said "don't turn my restaurant into a night club."

My personal theory is that, having defeated the Galactic Empire and celebrated with some Yub Nub, Luke travels back to the Rebel's capital ship in his X-Wing, landing dramatically in the largest loading bay to reveal a giant "Mission Accomplished" banner, to much fanfare.

However, toppling the bases of power and the senior leadership of the dictatorship that ran an entire galaxy left a power vacuum, which has caused powerful members throughout to attempt to seize power. Realizing the only thing that can keep things under control is to set up a provisional government, he begins recruiting and training force sensitive complete with byzantine rules of engagement which only further fan the flames of galactic civil war and usher in an era of genocide and religious hysteria.

Eventually, his own students turn against him to usurp the Jedi Council and begin dividing the galaxy into small fiefdoms. The guy with the dumb longsword lightsabre is actually revealed to be Darth Goneril, the very attractive girl that's on your Subway cups. Luke travels across the inhospitable deserts aimlessly with Jar-Jar by his side, simultaneously mocking him and desperately trying to save him from his descent into madness, but it's too late. Luke finally realizes that there is no guiding diety behind the force after all. He, and everyone else, is alone in the Universe.

I've lost any shred of respect I ever had for Lucas. Clearly the filmmaker behind THX and American Grafitti is dead, buried, turned to dust, and blown away. For awhile, I held out hope that the prequels were just Lucas getting this shit out of his system, making tons of money, and then going all American Zoetrope style and making his own cool movies (which he said he was going to do), but the guy is so out of touch it's not even funny.
First there was the Red Wings debacle where he claimed he somehow faced of decades of problems trying to get the movie made despite 2 or 3 Tuskegee Airmen movies having been made in the interim. Then he kept fucking with the SW films to the point where he HAS to just be doing it to screw with people, then he complained that criticism of his movies was just because of who he was and no one would ever give his movies a fair shake. Now this backhanded bullshit of selling off everything Lucasfilm to Disney because he wants to be done with it, but then complaining about how he did it and how the stupid fans think they know better than him.
He's really turned into a kind of Citizen Kane character.

Red... Wings?!? Seriously, it's named after a bitche's period stained pussy lips?

Probably kept getting his movie blocked cause of it's goofy ass name.

I keep holding onto this hope that Disney will be nice and release the original versions in a simple, affordable package, maybe cleaned up a bit but otherwise left alone. That way the fans don't have to spend time and more money hunting down the VHS tapes, laserdiscs, or bootleg DVDs. We sure as shit wouldn't have gotten that with George Lucas. The unaltered OT was "unfinished" so no one deserved them, and when he finally responded to that call he dumped poor rips of the LDs onto limited edition bonus DVDs. Supposedly the original negatives have been destroyed.

Now we have this epic spiteful rant about tarnished art and his vision being ruined because God forbid people who pay + for a theater experience (to go by themselves) not have to walk out feeling disappointed and cheated. "It's for the fans." Good. That makes me happy. It should be for the fans. All arguments about "It was his art!" aside (which Empire and Jedi really weren't, not ethically anyway, since they were directed and written by people other than Lucas) he has spent the last 18 years not giving a shit about the fans. Somewhere the audience principle lost him.

Fans have gone to much greater lengths than hunting down Laserdisc and VHS. Google "Star Wars Despecialized" or watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHfLX_TMduY

QUIT STOWING AWAY

What else am I supposed to do? I'm a stowaway.

Look, I can tolerate a lot of things including the following:

--Eating my yogurt from the fridge if it's late at night and you're hungry
--Crossing the street even when it's CLEARLY LABELED "Don't Walk" (still annoys me)
--Hijacking an airplane and crashing it into the World Trade Center

But what I cannot tolerate is stowing yourself away like a common stowaway

I think they have a lot of fun finding ways to dismissively ignore Plonkett on Half in the Bag, but if they were going to kill him off, now would be the time.