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Desc:Stuart Ashen opens a bottle of olives from a 1886 shipwreck. Or at least they were olives once.
Category:Humor, Educational
Tags:food, Ashens, olives, food poisoning
Submitted:sasazuka
Date:12/31/15
Views:1092
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Comment count is 20
Needtodestroy
This is it. This is how Ashens dies.
Needtodestroy
It's just like the old gypsy woman said.

Binro the Heretic
I was in genuine terror when he acted like he was going to taste it.
infinite zest
You know that feeling you get when you're about to cork a bottle of cheap Korbel? That's what I was feeling here. But Ashens and I have the exact same corking gizmo! But throw that away too if you drink wine! Shit, you can have mine. I hate wine.

themilkshark
That's a really horrifying and fascinating object.
infinite zest
Eww.. I was reading about some Ketchup that was found from a shipwreck some 2000 years ago, and I guess people are trying to buy it now. I didn't watch this video because frankly I'm starving and this will spoil my appetite I assume, but doesn't the brine preserve things like olives for a long time? Back when I worked in a deli it was my first day and I accidentally dropped some octopus on the cutting floor, and was about to write up a damage thing and have it taken out of my paycheck. The boss guy just threw the octopus in with the olives and said it would be fine by the next morning and I shouldn't worry about it. :(

But I dunno: people are still buying Billy Beer with the intention of drinking it; the oldest beer I had was probably 10 years past its expiry date and I found out the hard way because I was at the bar and all of a sudden I noticed the Support Our Troops label from when we first declared war on Iraq (again). It tasted funny but if anything it just got me drunk faster because it had more time to ferment.
infinite zest
Not saying he should try these though. I like you ashens. Shit now I've gotta watch the video.

Meerkat
Bottle conditioned beer actually improves with age, like wine. Force carbonated beer just gets skunky or the hops break down and it tastes lifeless/flabby.

infinite zest
Yeah, this was Miller High Life, so it was definitely the latter. But I thought I was going to get sick or die or something.. panicking and looking it up online the next day. But I still drank the whole thing since I didn't want to waste my two bucks and panicked later.

The worst was some bar back in Milwaukee Wisconsin who had a certain microbrew on tap that had a sludge similar to this. There was some sort of sediment in it that sank to the bottom that I tried to avoid, the way you avoid the gelatin in bubble tea when drinking it without a straw. :)

sasazuka
That was my first thought when I started watching the video, that the olives might still resemble olives and be marginally edible.

I guess the brine got contaminated with sea water or something.

infinite zest
I always thought that deli boss guy was full of shit, but I assume a lot of sea life is preserved pretty well, and the fish you're eating raw could very well be older than these olives!

I think the oldest thing I ate was some sauerkraut when I was at my parents house one christmas, this must've been 2006 or so, and the expiry date said 1998, which means it was probably opened in 1994 or so. Tasted like any other sauerkraut really, and I was fine until I checked the date thereby producing an illness that I think was just psychosomatic.

Nominal
When I was a teenager, I used to mix up a bunch of every food ingredient from around the house, put it into a bottle, and then leave it sitting around forever until we popped it open for the ultimate stink bomb. I think the longest one was about 18 months, where the cap shot off the instant the volunteer loostened it, with enough force that it hurt his hand.

I have this weird extreme empathy thing. I don't ever kill any insects (except things that actively bite like mosquitoes), and my main reaction to this video is imagining some poor anthropomorphic olives sitting in a bottle for 130 years yearning to be free as they rot into sludge, praying for the day when erosion finally breaks down the glass and sets them free.

Is that weird? I blame watching The Brave Little Toaster as a kid: the #1 hoarder inspiring movie ever.

I'm drunk. Happy New Year!

infinite zest
Yay happy new year! My dad used to work at a brewery and a summer camp and each year he'd fart in the unused beer bottles (back when you could open and reseal them) and leave them there for the returning counselors at the camp for the next year under the bunk beds and such. Some poor junior counselor got a whiff of my dad's 12 month-old fart when he thought he found a beer that was stashed away.

infinite zest
God the Brave Little Toaster gave me nightmares. I wonder if kids these days who grow up with Veggie Tales and such are going to have the same feelings towards vegetables. It was on here a while back but that shitty Captain N rip-off Video Power had Kwirk (the talking tomato with sunglasses) trying to stop the tomato burglars who are going use them all in pizza because they're his brothers and his sisters, and two seconds later throwing the tomatoes at them making them go splat. This was normal when I was a kid, but it's kind of fucked up and is sort of the vegetable version of Polanski's The Pianist.

Nominal
God knows how many hoarders Brave Little Toaster and Toy Story made.

I got slightly bit by the bug that anthropomorphizes everything to the point where I won't throw out anything that still works.

That fucking IKEA lamp commercial killed me :(

Robin Kestrel
I, too, have been the victim of very specific burglars.
duck&cover
There's an unopened bottle of Roman wine, like 2000 years old. If it's ever opened, the world will end.
infinite zest
Heh I'm actually curious about those 2,000+ year old bottles of Roman Ketchup I mentioned above.. turns out it's more like a fish sauce similar to Garum mixed with tomatoes and other stuff. But I wonder how they found that out? I know there's robots that can sort of do taste tests when a company is doing new flavors and such (I think), but would it recognize something so old? Without trying this, these "olives" or that "Ketchup" could be anything in the world

Rodents of Unusual Size
It looks like slug algae goop.

If you drown in the ocean, one day you'll look like those olives, because apparently everything in the ocean becomes that eventually.
Nominal
After visiting the ICA so many times, I came up with my own idea for performance art: a video of dumping an entire shopping trip worth of groceries directly down the toilet.

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