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Desc:prison cooking week continues with more prison cooking not done in actual prisons
Category:Educational, Arts
Tags:Ramen, Doritos, burrito, prison cooking week, spread
Submitted:Bus_Aint_Comin
Date:01/19/16
Views:858
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Comment count is 42
Bort
I am officially scared straight.
baleen
That video actually triggered my gag reflex.
15th
Well, then there's two prison pastimes you wouldn't excel at.

Oscar Wildcat
I may be God's own honky, but even Oscar knows the difference between a burrito ( which this is not ) and a tamale ( which this is most certainly, albeit petrochemically derived ), -1 for that. Otherwise, Roll On Prison Food Week!

tesla_weapon
When I'm locked up and i have access to the fridge, I order cold milk for breakfast which comes in a bottle. Then you make strong coffee from the tin, make a sugar syrup and put that shit in a bottle in the fridge along with the coffee, and then when it all chills, you mix equal parts milk, sugar and coffee and make iced coffee. That shit is so good when you are stuck watching fucking day time tv or wearing out the concrete walking back and forth.
That guy
wha? Locked up?

infinite zest
In my case, it was probably a total of 16 hours with no charges so maybe that's why I got treated so badly. But since we have someone who was on the inside, I'm curious about "outside food" and snacks in general, community fridges.. all that! I've only known one guy who was on the inside and the way he described it was pretty much like all the COs got off on watching Shawshank Redemption so you didn't get shit until you built up a reputation or joined the right group of people. So meals, anyway, were very regimental, since just like having roommates, shit you leave in there is probably not going to be eaten or drank by you.

tesla_weapon
think less of a prison, and more of a hospital. still has a locked door though. longest i ever did was 8 months, but ive been 14 times, so Ive been locked up a lot. hospital food isn't very good, and anything your friends and family bring you the nurses steal. one dude ordered pizza every night and sat in the courtyard while we all filed into the dining room. that dude was hilarious. i have no idea how he could afford it.

That guy
Ah, I see. Wel,l stay away from the ramen and chips.

tesla_weapon
it's the fucking biscuit jar that gets you.

EvilHomer
Psych wards are a bitch. I'm glad they let you have bottles, though, instead of "you could kill yourself with a bottle!!!" and suddenly bottles are contraband.

tesla_weapon
you cant kill someone with a plastic bottle! someone died year before last when I was locked up. fuck I lost a lot of memory and I started thinking maybe it was me that did it. I asked lots of people where I was and if I did it, but nobody ever really tells you anything about the days you lose. they just tell you not to worry.

but ive never hurt anybody ever. and nobody's ever hurt me. that's the best way to be.

EvilHomer
You can kill yourself! You can shove it down your throat, or tear it apart and use the jagged edges to slit your wrists. It sounds stupid, but I've heard of everything from compact discs to plastic spoons being declared contraband, just as a matter of policy and regardless of case-specific ideations.

EvilHomer
Anyways, 8 months sucks. Did you guys have a patient advocate?

tesla_weapon
in the closed ward maybe, you don't get anything, but not because it's dangerous. some things yeah, they're dangerous, but mostly they take all the shit away because it's a "low stimulus environment". mostly its just fucked, and a fucked place to be.

what is a patient advocate?

and all up over 6 or 7 years i spent 3 or 4 of those years locked up. last time i got locked up I was causing so much trouble they had to get extra people in just to watch me. the dr dr told me that they were just going to let me out, since it was costing them thousands of dollars a day just to keep me there, and if they send me home it costs them three thousand a month. they don't like me getting the chance to talk to people i don't normally get a chance to talk to.

tesla_weapon
and nobody's really worried about anyone killing themselves. most people are just psychotic, and any suicide risks get the open ward and a nurse to eye-ball them around the clock. mostly though, you cant get detained for being a suicide risk, they need the beds for the people they want to protect the society from.

although, there were some people though last time with depression. fucking wankers. they look at you like you are gonna fucking kill them, or ruin their peachy fucking reality. they have no fucking place in a psych ward if you ask me.

infinite zest
I was thinking about that too. If someone wanted to someone could figure out a way to craft a plastic bottle into a pretty useful shank! Bags of this size would be pretty easy to suffocate someone with as well for that matter.

infinite zest
(whoops damn comment overlap. Sorry tesla)!

EvilHomer
A legal counsel who can address any quality of care complaints, or even get you sprung if you've been in too long! The psych wards in CT tend to have them, and also they're REALLY big on suicide prevention and forced medication here.

infinite zest
I pretty much have the job that I have now because of a closed down ward for the intellectually disabled, or the retarded as they were known back then. There were also all sorts of allegations of employees stealing, doing drugs, sexual assault, but the only one that could be proven was when someone put a patient's hand on a red hot stove because the patient was misbehaving. So Anyway now it's independent living and a few people are like roommates for 8 hours or so; I guess I'm a patient advocate too; I actually like that term more than Behavioral Health Specialist. Then again I've seen BHS Guy twice in 2 years even though that's his fuckin client. Arg.

Bus_Aint_Comin
vis-a-vis plastic weapons check out 1:35

http://bit.ly/1PF5IOD

melt the plastic, form, cool in toilet water, repeat for about five minutes til you get the shape you want, sharpen on floor, hey presto.

tesla i'm stoked you're on the outs and posting.

i have depression and would never take up a psych ward's time with my bullshit.

when i was in drug psychosis i thought about going to one. it went away after a few weeks though, thankfully.

EvilHomer
Also also, I've never heard of people getting their own fridges around here. Maybe in one of the DoC-aligned facilities for the criminally insane, like Whiting Forensic, but I've never been inside and fuck if I know what they do there.

tesla_weapon
don't get me wrong, depression is the real fucking deal, and some meds don't work for everybody, and you cant beat that shit, you just want to kill yourself, i get it. fuck, ive got depression too. but i just think they need their own ward or some shit, and separate the females too. its just wrong. i got with a girl at one hospital, and all i remember is getting dragged away by 8 people, and a few days later I come to in another hospital in the fucking closed ward.

in a closed ward, you can't get shit. about the most dangerous thing is the plastic hospital mugs they give you a hot milo in. you can clock someone with one, but why bother if you can just bash them. you cant have anything, no lighters, nothing. you could rip strips off some clothes but again, why bother. in the open ward, you're not as locked up, but if you run away the cops will chase you, and if you fuck around, its straight back to seclusion and the closed ward. i've seen 10 guards in under three minutes respond as soon as the head nurse gets on the phone. and they are always on the phone.

nah, i thought you meant patient advocate like a key worker or something. you can get a lawyer, but you'll have to pay for it. you can apply for state legal advice but good luck with that. good luck with anything when you are considered not to be in your right mind. fuck you have no rights once you get detained under section 21 in this state. in NSW or VIC its different, the legal process is different but the same shit happens.

i've met people, their landlord asks them to attend a meeting about their lease agreement, and when they rock up, dudes in blue sweaters jump them, and they get injected and they wake up in the next room to me. some people are high functioning, so who knows. but if they dont play the game right, they get slapped with a Community Treatment Order and if they get detained again, and their bloods come back with low levels, then they get put on Depot Injections, and if they don't turn up for their appointment, they send the police after you. the only way for people to avoid it is to live off the radar which i figure there are lots of people who do.

in the open ward there is a fridge. but its just random luck if no-one eats or drinks whatever you put in there. my weird plastic bottles of liquid nobody touches because they are too paranoid! ha! but if you leave anything else, its gone. hell, this one huge chick, she would wait at the door for the food trolley, smash her chicken, leave the veges, and then smash someone elses chicken off the rack! after i saw that I was like the food security. and when you kick up a fuss, they have to make a nurse do what you're doing.

that's the main way i get their attention. you kick up enough of a fuss about it, they start to do what you tell them, just to keep you quiet. the only problem is when a violent offender comes on the ward. those dudes are fucking in another universe. but they never stay long, they always get put in seclusion. the criminal insane ward has been full for 20 years. they just put people in jail. lately though, they throw the people in jail into the closed wards and that shit is hectic. those dudes don't fuck around. lots of dudes have had a shot at me, but i just do enough to make them think its a bad idea, and i dont make a big deal out of it in case the nurse puts shit on them. but seclusion is fucked. ive seen the worst monsters bawling their fucking eyes out and screaming to be let out, and when they let them out they are like puppies who just want to be petted. i hate getting put in seclusion. for starters, they always cut the drawstring on your fucking shorts or pants, and these days they sew that into the hem, so that just fucks them for good. they put you in this room with a big padded single bed, but i always stand it up and use it as a punching bag. when i get bored, i do core exercises. the worst thing is when you need to shit or piss. the blankets they give you i never use, so i make a dam in the corner and just shit and piss in there. the good part is you dont have to clean it up, some other poor fuck has to. it doesn't bother me much being in there, its just a smaller version of the whole ward. the hardest part is the loneliness and the quiet. my perception of time changed because of that. now i never know how many days, or months or years have passed unless i look at the weather, or the date on my computer, which isn't a bad thing i guess. kinda like gandalf when he fights the balrog and he doesn't know how much time has passed, he just goes with the flow.

baleen
Of course, one of the symptoms of depression is that one feels that one shouldn't take up anybody's time or energy with it. A ward is out of the question. It is like a constant state of drug withdrawal, a sense of normalcy in a perpetual state of rolling along with broken spokes, but that's the thing, there's nothing normal about it. I'm not talking about the 75% of depression diagnoses which can be linked to "bad stuff" in the lives of ordinary people, rather the clinical depression which causes continual, irrational, self-destructive behavior.

That being said, society should make room for depressives of all stripes. I believe everyone is entitled to rest away their pain in a safe place and to declare "insanity." Cultures throughout history have had various levels of allowance in that regard. There's not enough money for that sort of world these days, and that sentence might be at the root of a lot our problems.

I wish you the best, tesla. Thank you for sharing your story.

tesla_weapon
yep limited resources and limited time. but just think what they would do with more money and more time. i would be locked up permanently. and that is fucked up. maybe its a good thing they are broke as fuck and i can get out and walk around like everybody else.

EvilHomer
What tesla just said. While I understand where you're coming from baleen, there's a thin line between being *entitled* to do something and being *forced* to do something, a line which isn't always respected, particularly when that "something" is getting locked away for being socially undesirable.

One of the smartest, most successful people I work with is a man who I'll just call "O". He's a national spokesman for NAMI and a founding member of Vet2Vet, a nationwide Veteran's peer counseling program. He's got TWO doctorates, a masters degree, a direct line to a dozen senators on his smartphone... and also he's crazy. Drugs, depression, psychosis, dealt with all sorts of problems over the years. But it's OK, because he treats himself with dignity. Because others have treated him with dignity.

A couple years ago, "O" was telling me about a time he went down to Washington DC, to speak with Tipper Gore (yes, her) about mental healthcare reform. At the time, Tipper was very interested in helping veterans get proper national healthcare. She listened carefully as he outlined plans for peer counseling, subsidized housing, community-based substance abuse clinics, and so forth. Then she smiled, looked a little confused, and asked "Well, why would they need all these things? What's wrong with hospitals?"

She had good intentions (probably), but she totally didn't get it, at all. To her, as well as many others (both in Washington and in the general public), "proper care" meant getting the mentally ill off the streets. The best place for crazies, in their minds, is locked away in a nice clean hospital, with a TV in every room and a steady supply of petrochemically-derived medications - I mean, who could ever object to THAT?



Tesla - I'm glad they let you out, and I hope you can find some less-dehumanizing help. Around here (CT), patients can get access to FREE legal counseling, in the form of patient advocates. They're like on-site ACLU representatives, and to the best of my knowledge, our hospitals are required by law to provide access to them (although doctors generally don't like to advertise their services, and they usually don't start helping people until you've been committed for more than a month).

EvilHomer
You know what, fuck it, his name's Moe. Here's his website. You can find details on the program, his memoirs, and no fewer than ten books of poetry.

http://vet2vetusa.org

The program works really well and has got some major pushes in funding in recent years. Buzz around the office right now is that the actor who plays Kylo Ren is even interested in helping them out!

baleen
Tesla lives in a country with state sectioning (Australia I think).
The USA did away with the equivalent during the Carter Administration. While we can be praised for our treatment of mentally ill as just normal people that should be permitted to walk the streets, the downside is we have no budget to deal with their very real problems.

At least in there are beds and case workers who are following up on people there. In America you're treated as trash.

EvilHomer
>> At least in there are beds and case workers who are following up on people there. In America you're treated as trash.

Are you?

tesla_weapon
i really dont want to get into anything about how bad the system is and why its so bad. and yeah i'm australian so its different here. i could come up with a lot of ways it could be done better but thats not going to make it better. ive done my journey through that shit and i have no plans on going back or helping people who dont think they need help.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Thanks for sharing all that, and I hope you continue your progress and have a good life. That being said, I'm glad you got treated in Australia and not in the U.S. because the resources here for the mentally ill are beyond insufficient.

That Tipper Gore story just made me feel sick. Rich well meaning people living in total ignorance are almost as bad as rich evil people committing the sins that create the system to begin with. We need to bring back asylums for these people instead of pushing them into homelessness or jail.

infinite zest
Like I said above, one of the reasons I have my job is because they got rid of a mental institution, so in general I think they're bad, not because of my job but for general health. Group homes are a good alternative for people who want to be social. But keep in mind I work with individuals with the cognitive capacities of what seems like me to be a toddler at best, for their entire lives. I just try my best to keep 'em happy, get out and do stuff, try to make their lives as bright as possible outside of an institution.

infinite zest
Tesla I've been considering quitting my current job and seeing if I can become a care provider for my uncle who lives in Canberra. My Australian family wants to lock him up and he'd be much happier at home with assistance. I love my Australian family but there's like 50 of you and none of you feel the need to help someone suffering from depression and mild dementia? Just put him away? That's my uncle goddamnit!

tesla_weapon
Homes(institutions) here are pretty good, depending on what (or which one) you can get set up. There aren't a lot of funds for stay at home care anymore, and putting someone in an institution is essentially just ticking the criteria and it's free after that (homes not home, you get me?). If one of your family did want to care for him, they would get no support from the government from the stories I've heard, and a lot of the money to finance the house and bills would have to come out of someone else's pocket. Plus the conservative government just changed all the home care funding details to save money on welfare spending (where as money to retirement villages, or other places gets a lot of support, unless you look into the employee contracts). I'm just lucky they haven't come after me. Maybe they know how much shit I will stir up if they take away my cushy existence.

infinite zest
I like his carved pumpkin! That's about the level of effort as I gave to carve mine.
chumbucket
I initially thought he just plopped the pumpkin in front of his toddler in the high chair and handed him/her a knife.

infinite zest
Hehe. WIth me anyway, gutting a pumpkin is gross for reasons I can't comprehend, and I'm totally cool watching cyst pop and drain on poeTV. But I was with my girlfriend so I went through with it.

chumbucket
Taco Bell hasn't done this disaster yet?
infinite zest
They're pretty much there, don't they have Doritos tortillas now?

EvilHomer
I don't know, but Subway has made Doritos subs.

chumbucket
They've done the "Doritos Locos Tacos": http://www.fastcompany.com/3008346/deep-inside-taco-bells-doritos- locos-taco

But I think they've since also tried a Doritos Gordita and possibly burrito.

I think Taco Bell is of the idea that if you throw enough at the meal people won't taste how terrible the meat inside actually is.

Maggot Brain
Do people not know what a tamale is in jail?
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