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Desc:You have GOT to be kidding me.
Category:Pets & Animals, Horror
Tags:Crap, remake, gritty reboot
Submitted:Binro the Heretic
Date:02/27/16
Views:1031
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Comment count is 30
Jet Bin Fever
They'll do a gritty reboot of Song of the South next, with a mournful "zippidee doo da" sung as an African Spiritual over brutal whipping scenes. Uncle Remus can lead a slave revolt against the masters and their annoying little white children by holding them hostage instead of reading them stories.
That would still be more coherent to the theme of the original than this confusing mess.

Also, Robert Redford, holy shit. He's old enough that this could be his final role. Did he owe someone money? There has to be a reason.
That guy
RIP Redford

Anaxagoras
I would watch the shit out of that Song of the South.

Oscar Wildcat
...crows all singing and flying around the poplar tree, Remus reaches up and pick a ripe luscious negro shaped fruit. Handing it to the children, he bursts into song

"Hey Kids,
Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop"

Old_Zircon
Robert Redford is alive?

EvilHomer
Who is Robert Redford?

Ugh
why, robert redford is that nodding-in-approval bearded meme man, his most famous role ever

SJWFeels
I think some Hollywood legends get older and realize "jeez I'm going to kick the bucket soon. Better start cashing some chips in for the grandchildren." Not that I'm complaining about seeing Terrence Malick and Ridley Scott pumping movies out, but people of a certain age might realize they can't take the fame with them and it's worth getting something for it.

EvilHomer
You mean the guy from the Dos Equis commercials?!

RedRust
I have a record, cover and all, of Uncle Remus. Haven't had the guts yet to frame it and hang it up in the living room.

Redford
He's that guy everyone on the internet thinks I'm named after but I'm not.

Also this feels like a joke trailer from 10 years ago. Have we literally gone so far down the "Cheap movie CG" hole that it's come to this?

MurgatroidMendelbaum
Smaug: Origins
Ugh
seriously, it feels like someone wrote a script for a ka-zar origin story or something and it got repurposed

Xenocide
How many musical numbers do you think this one will have.
cognitivedissonance
Did anybody ever actually LIKE the original movie? Even as a nostalgia piece? Even as a kitsch artifact? No?

I remember being literally FORCED to watch it as a kid in kindergarten. I remember asking if I could go play on the playground instead. I remember being told, no, "Pete's Dragon" was a reward. I hated it. I haven't ever seen it sense.
dairyqueenlatifah
We owned the VHS for years and I recall that it was the one VHS in our collection of several hundred that never got opened. I believe it got purchased when I was 9 years old, and I distinctly recall at age 13, when I left that house to go live elsewhere, it had still never been opened and watched.

I've still never seen it, and I've never, ever met anyone who said they liked it or spoke fondly of it. As long as I've been alive, aside of the usual re-releasing on video every five to seven years like they do with all their films, Disney has pretty much ignored its existence.

I know Disney is currently on a kick of making live-action adaptations of their animated films, but of all the films in their catalog from that same era, why they chose Pete's Dragon of all things for a modern day remake is beyond my understanding.

I guess someone at their "Let's make live action adaptations of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, The Jungle Book (again!), and Beauty and the Beast" board meeting stood up and said "Hey! What if we did one of our movies that wasn't loved by everyone?"

Maybe they'll do The Black Cauldron next. It's in the same boat of complete and utter irrelevance as Pete's Dragon was but totally doesn't deserve to be there.

cognitivedissonance
Apparently, Branagh's remake of "Cinderella" is getting good press.

Ultimately, it comes down to source material.

cognitivedissonance
Also, I get the feeling that there's some really, really paranoid executive that believes copyright law could be flipped literally tomorrow, so he's approving all these remakes just in case so they don't fall into public domain.

dairyqueenlatifah
That's a pretty believable theory, actually.

And I can say, as someone who saw the live-action Cinderella, that it was quiet good, and easily one of, if not the best film adaptation of the story (to be fair, however, it was more its own adaptation of the classic fairy tale, not a remake of the animated film, and it wasn't a musical).

But I don't object in the least to these live-action remakes, it's just that typically you'd think they'd do so with the films people actually liked and would say "Oh wow, they're remaking that movie I really liked into live-action! I have to see!" I can't for the life of me fathom who thought doing it with Pete's Dragon was a good idea.

Jet Bin Fever
It has that incredibly depressing live-action 60-70s Disney quality. Highly recommended. Bring booze and a revolver.

Binro the Heretic
It came out when I was 7 years old and I really liked it, but mostly because of Helen Reddy. I like Helen Reddy, sue me.

Elliott was a pretty disappointing dragon, especially since I was used to the Maleficent dragon from "Sleeping Beauty" and Mad Madame Mim's dragon form in "The Sword in the Stone".

Callamon
I liked it. IDK how to star this because remaking it is fucking stupid.

kingarthur
You star it five for stupid?

All I remember about the original is that it was a 70s Disney mix of live action and animation and involved a lighthouse. The lighthouse was the most interesting part for me.

They'll remake The Apple Dumpling Gang next, I tell ya! That's the other one we got forced to watch as a reward in Catholic school. This, The Apple Dumpling Gang and Project X with the chimps what test pilot the radioactive drone simulators.

kingarthur
And what kind of name is Smeagus Feegley? Omegle Fagley? Smegma Foley?

memedumpster
Reign of Greystoke
"Me Tarzan, Calisti is returning of the king to hobbit throne."
Spielbergian child fantasy soundtrack by Tone of Reference featuring Camera Filter.
Haircuts by The Dark Crystal Reference Salon of Hollywood and Aqua Net.
betamaxed
I wish disney would pump the gas a little and do something really cool like make a rotoscoped animated version of Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.
kingarthur
Only if the dinosaurs can look like rubber turds with teeth and eyes still.

StanleyPain
Starring Bryce Dallas Howard in yet another role where she is Bryce Dallas Howard cosplaying as an Important Character(tm)!

I mean, come on, a forest ranger?? She'd be more believable as Daniel Plainview.
Born in the RSR
I watched all of Jurassic World thinking she's that chick from Lost and I thought she was totally hot, then I found out she's not that chick from lost and I started to find her actively repulsive.

Dumb Lamer
I used to think the original was called Peach Dragon, because that was how my friend pronounced it.
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