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Desc:By poisoning lawmakers with raw milk.
Category:Accidents & Explosions, Educational
Tags:Milk, west virginia, not the onion, raw milk, our ethical bacterial friends
Submitted:memedumpster
Date:03/10/16
Views:1301
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Comment count is 32
Born in the RSR - 2016-03-10
In rural Romania, an idyllic landscape where life is slow and people live close to nature, little old ladies in babushkas will smile and tell you serenely:

"Don't fucking drink raw milk, you dumbass! Boil that shit, then drink it!"
yogarfield - 2016-03-10
Everything about this, but especially the couch shots with his stupid pillow, and what I hope is An Essay Concerning Human Understanding draped over his belly.
That guy - 2016-03-10
^

Baldr - 2018-01-04
Balancing the active shit with the contemplative shit.

EvilHomer - 2016-03-10
Oh no! West Virginia now allows the same thing as twenty-eight other states, all of Europe, and every society in human history, since the time cattle was first domesticated clear up until the Reagan years!

Don't these maniacs realize that freedom will KILL you?!
Oscar Wildcat - 2016-03-10
..or in this case, explosive diarrhea.

I for one am looking forward to the passage of that NRA sponsored gun legislation. Let freedom ping!

memedumpster - 2016-03-10
Yes, and the moment they market it for human consumption, they get raided, because that is still illegal.

Think of it like seatbelt laws. Seatbelt laws are stupid, but so is not wearing your seatbelt. The stupid is the given, not the mechanics of law. Milk laws exist because stupid, therefore milk laws must, by definition, look stupid to those who don't need them to do the right thing.

memedumpster - 2016-03-10
Oh! Or the idiots that drive right past the signs that say "keep doors locked and windows up" into a wild animal preserve, and then lean out the windows to take pictures of lions. If one of them gets eaten, it's somehow the lion's fault. This is our species, Homie, a lot of us don't have the capacity to put a barrier between us and our own demise. It's sad, it's stupid, but it is how comedy came to be in the universe, so it's a burden that will probably end up being worth it.

Cena_mark - 2016-03-10
Libertarianism for the win. How dare the government infringe on my rights to consume an unsafe food.

EvilHomer - 2016-03-10
Exactly, thank you Cena. Prohibition is unethical, and never works as intended. If the government has any business in regulating substances whatsoever - and this includes everything from milk to booze to pot to birth control pills - then it should simply be on the business of facilitating *information*, so that consumers can make informed choices. i.e. the way they do it everywhere else, save for Reagan's America.

And they should be providing real information, too. For example, instead of saying "raw milk will kill you", they should point out that raw milk is actually fairly safe, and the dangers - while real - are usually pretty low (only about as deadly as eating at Chipotle's). They should also point out that the primary beneficiaries of milk regulations are Big Agra and national supermarket chains like WalMart; raw milk bans seriously hurt small-scale dairy farmers and local growers. AND, maybe they could get around to labelling GMOs, too - you know, because heaven forbid you get ecoli from drinking milk you know might be contaminated, but if your kid gets cancer from eating a certain strain of GMO corn whose dangers have been supressed for the sake of corporate interest, well THAT'S ok, obviously.

But baby steps are good for now.

15th - 2016-03-10
I'd rather die from raw milk than suckle from the teat of the FDA.

EvilHomer - 2016-03-10
Also also, it's worth pointing out that this modern American obsession with drinking milk and consuming dairy products at least once a day is dubious at best. Despite what advertising has led us to believe, a good case can be made that *all* milk is dangerous, particularly when consumed in the quantities made possible through industrial pasteurization! There's a reason why mammals have a tendency to develop lactose intolerance: it's because our bodies aren't designed to drink large quantities of milk well into adulthood.

Cena_mark - 2016-03-10
Homer, that sounds like the talk of a skinny weakling with brittle bones.

memedumpster - 2016-03-10
Yeah, you had me until you did the very unlibertarian thing and started nanny statesplaining how we shouldn't be drinking milk.

EvilHomer - 2016-03-10
Mr Dumpster, there is a HUGE difference between pointing out reasons why you shouldn't do something, and using the coercive power of the state to force you to not do something. The fact that many Americans actually need to have this pointed out to them is in itself pretty worrying, and a big part of the reason why this country has now become the most terrified, neurotic, prison-happy place on earth.

For example, I don't think you should be drinking beer, or smoking pot, or eating chocolate bars, or using Google. Hell, I don't even think you should be drinking raw milk! That doesn't mean I think these things should be banned, or even subjected to Chicago-school style government propaganda efforts; I simply think you should get informed, make your choice, and then move on with your life, with or without these poisons polluting your mind, body, and spirit.

Besides, raw milk consumption //isn't even that controversial//. The majority of states allow it (including my own), to say nothing of the global tolerance for (or even, in some cases, preference for!) raw milk. I mean, why are PoEsters suddenly terrified of raw milk? Is the ghost of Nancy Reagan bringing back all the learned helplessness and ridiculous substance-paranoia we were subjected to during the 1980s? Or do we just see the words "West Virginia" and "lawmakers", and assume that whatever follows must be bad, facts and principles be damned?

memedumpster - 2016-03-10
Oh..., so I needed it pointed out to me how wrong I am so I can have the right to be wrong. Wrong is only permissible when told so, huh?

Thanks, Tipper Gore.

Oscar Wildcat - 2016-03-11
Atta boy, EvilHomer! You've got to preserve those precious bodily fluids.

SolRo - 2016-03-11
Reminder for idiots with short attention spans;

Evilhomer does no hold any discernible opinions. He will say whatever will get a rise out of people to get replies and people to interact with him. He's just a troll. You're arguing with the human equivalent of a spam bot.

Nominal - 2016-03-10
"Not The Onion" tag
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2016-03-10
I picture a scene in their main West Virginia Senate comparable to the last scene in Drop Dead Gorgeous.
Tripitaka - 2016-03-11
"Well we haven't ruled out sabotage from neighboring states. Kentucky, Maryland, Ohio, that bitch from Virginia."

kingarthur - 2016-03-10
Maybe we should let Libertarianism run its course and they can all die from easily vaccine-prevented diseases and unsafe food products?


No, we can't, they're determined to drag us all down with them.
EvilHomer - 2016-03-10
You're really going all-in with this whole "freedom is slavery" thing, aren't you?

Nominal - 2016-03-10
Take it from, EH. Don't give in to gimmicks!

Binro the Heretic - 2016-03-10
Who could have foreseen something like this could happen except for anyone with half a fucking brain?
gravelstudios - 2016-03-10
I live in West Virginia. This is the essence of West Virginia.
Sanest Man Alive - 2016-03-10
"I don't think it's any riskier than eating raw oysters"

...

At the very least, I hope somone explains the "months ending in R" rule to this man very soon.

Does this deserve the "they're such troopers!" tag?
Sanest Man Alive - 2016-03-10
Sorry, "months containing an R". As someone who lives in a gulf coast state AND near a river, I should have a better memory when it comes to proper seafooding.

Raggamuffin - 2016-03-10
My stars are for him refusing to learn his lesson.
SolRo - 2016-03-10
All I want is some imported raw brie cheese, does this law do anything for that?
BiggerJ - 2016-03-11
(looks up explosive diarrhea)

"Brainerd diarrhea is a sudden-onset watery, explosive diarrhea that lasts for months and does not respond to antibiotics; the cause of Brainerd diarrhea is unknown. Brainerd diarrhea was first described in Brainerd, Minnesota in 1983. It has been associated with the consumption of raw milk and untreated water. Of the ten outbreaks reported since 1983, nine have been in the U.S. The characteristics of each outbreak have been similar to that caused by an infectious agent. Although a comparatively large outbreak (117 patients) occurred in 1996 in Fannin County, Texas., the largest outbreak (122 patients) was the original one in Brainerd, MN. There have been no secondary cases reported in any of the outbreaks, suggesting that the causative agent cannot be passed from person to person, but boiling water appears to inactivate the Brainerd agent. Although there is no treatment available, the disease does appear to resolve itself, although this process takes months if not years."

Oh, so it's an untreatable consition wherein your body decides to poop liquid for an unknown number of months or years.

... D:
chumbucket - 2016-03-11
You've been s'punk'd!!
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