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Desc:Also BIG SHOUT-OUT TO ELIZABETH! Thanks for the Liz!
Category:Horror, Horror
Tags:cwc, Chris Chan, Judgment Day, cronenbergian body horror, teleporting vaginas
Submitted:Sexy Duck Cop
Date:07/25/16
Views:5588
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Comment count is 35
EvilHomer - 2016-07-25

I don't check the Farm for a week and THIS shit happens.

https://kiwifar.ms/threads/24-julay-2016-taint-megathread.2283 9/

I really hope his taint isn't infected. I don't know how it could be, given that he removed the un-clit, what? A year ago? Two? It's definitely worrying, though, and if Chris dies I'll be incredibly sad.


EvilHomer - 2016-07-25

Courtesy of The American Hedgehog:
----
"It is unusual for Chris to flat-out lie to people like this; usually he lies in a way makes him look like a winner. Instead, now he's just flat-out lying to dismiss concern. His second post says "he's clean", which is odd and usually related to STDs.

My pet theory is that he believes it's a vagina given to him by hypnosis, the maxi pads are mopping up the wound's pus ('vaginal discharge'), and he's afraid a doctor would 'remove' his vagina. Since Chris gets regular STD checkups (for some reason) and has recently gotten an STD all-clear, to him, this means that his vagina is also healthy. In other words, he thinks the problem would be an STD, not the vagina-wound itself."
----


Redford - 2016-07-25

He really can't be this dumb.

Can he?


bawbag - 2016-07-25

I used to do the piercings in one of my former places of work, taking a badly infected piercing out can seal some of the untreated infection inside the wound, which commonly ends up forming a cyst.

The guiche is a prime candidate for a -raging- infection (especially given Christine's scat and general poor hygiene proclivities) and there's lots of flesh there in which to grow a fucking enormous cyst, mostly unimpeded.

She should definitely be getting that checked out by a doctor.


cognitivedissonance - 2016-07-25

He's been using hypnosis videos to transform his taint into a labia, much like he believes hypnosis cures autism. So, naturally, he's been pawing himself in the scrote-seam, and thinks the hypnosis is working. Then he breaks skin and it gets infected.


Redford - 2016-07-26

I read the kiwi farms thread and the cwcki page. I really wish I hadn't.


GravidWithHate - 2016-07-26

I hope someone talks some sense into him and he gets to a doctor. But there's a part of me that thinks: "Died from an infected perineum" is probably the best ending CWC could hope for, given everything.

I also suspect that at some point there will be a PhD awarded for a thesis trying to explain what the fuck exactly happened here.


Bobonne - 2016-07-26

Jesus. I'd like reality to stop now. My life is hard enough without having eerie similarities with Chris-Fucking-Chan of all people.

Despite managing never to watch a single one of these goddamn public cyber-bear-baiting videos, I now get to know that Christ-fucking-chan has a pretty much identical medical condition to one that I had in late 2002, which, due to my own issues with hospitals and the medical system (largely related to my trans/body issues (christ, writing that in a goddamn fucking-chris-chan thread kills another little part of my probably nonexistent soul)), I let progress to borderline-fatal-septic stages not seeking medical treatment (or even knowing what it really was) and just hoping it would 'go away'.

I even fucking used pads to soak up the fucking horrifying pus, too.

Spending two years in recovery post-emergency-surgery to wait for the excavated wound to close up again with daily home care nurse visits to change the dressings sure was great too. Best-case-scenario, hope you christ-fucking-chan enthusiasts enjoy those videos.

(I hope she doesn't die.)


Bobonne - 2016-07-26

And only now do I notice that I kept writing "chris" as "christ", probably because I was in profanity overdrive mode for that entire post. That's just wrong.


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

I really don't want Chris to die, but I kind of feel as though "infected taint wound caused by using hypnosis to gouge a pussy out of his butt because that's what girls do all the time" would definitely be on my list of Top 5 Most Perfect Chris Death Scenarios.

It's right up there with "swallowing PS4 controller," "run over by an actual tugboat," "swallowing an Optimus Prime-themed dildo," and "starting yet another goddamned house fire with the exact same Keurig coffee maker."


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

Oh, and "runs so fast in an attempt to emulate Sonic the Hedghog his heart gives out ala te dog in Iron Will."


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

Or "gets swindled to take Joseph Carton's place at the gallows because he told him there was an awesome Pokemon Go bonanza right by the noose".


Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2016-07-26

@Bobonne Was that not extremely painful? How could you simply leave it be?
Ive had 2 small ingrown hair related abscesses before and they were both so painful that in was in a permanently shit mood for days until they popped, which was incredibly gross but also massively relieving (I distinctly remember that happening to one in my armpit while at my desk at work. I suddenly felt fine/ no pain but had to dump my shirt cus of disgusting goop)


Bobonne - 2016-07-26

Yes, it was extremely painful.

But, in my case at least, I've been dealing with regular extremely painful abdominal pain since before I hit double digits due to having Crohn's Disease. So I'm pretty resistant to pain, enough that I'd sometimes openly shock fellow (adult at times) classmates in martial arts classes, or other kids doing dumb showoff kids things, with what I could just take and not respond to without any effort.

On the other hand, I didn't know what it was, like I said. For several weeks, the best I could piece together from the symptoms on the internet was some form of hemmorhoid, which, you know, doesn't really have a 'cure'. To the point where I even tried several over the counter treatments, but it didn't help much.

On the third hand, trans people, even the ones that were finally getting treatment for the condition in the form of hormone therapy (as I had been for two years at that point), have some serious body issues, and the idea of going to a doctor and letting them poke around in that particular area terrified me for a number of reasons I won't get into here, some obvious, some not so much. I'm probably at the extreme end of 'trans behavior' in that regard, I have my own specific issues on top of it, etc.

That's basically what it boiled down to. And even with that, I finally gave in and went to see my family GP within a week and a half or so. ...who then told me that it was no big deal, probably just hemorrhoids or whatever, just try to keep my weight off it, take a hot bath once a day, and come back to her if it got much worse.

The pain started halfway through November, and I didn't go to an emergency walk-in (limp/shuffle in, in my case) until the thirtieth of December, the day before my sister was leaving to pursue her acting dreams out West (I even limp/shuffled to the airport to see her off). She was stressed out about this, the whole family was, I didn't want to be accused of trying to 'steal her thunder' attention-wise at that juncture, so that was another factor. Said doctor took one look and told me to immediately go to the local hospital for emergency surgery, filling out a form on the spot to get me in. Even with that, I still waited until New Year's Day to do so, since my sister was leaving on New Years Eve.

I knew it wasn't rational. I knew something was wrong. I don't have autism, I don't have most of Chris(tine)'s issues, I didn't think this was some sort of magic vagina. But you'd be amazed at the ability of the human mind to do incredibly self-destructive things out of fear. If nothing else, the experience gave me even more empathy than I already had for my American friends who have told me over the years that they couldn't go to the hospital to get an obviously serious condition treated because they didn't have insurance, that they'd just 'wait it out', even if I also know just how dangerous that really is.

The hospital surgeon told me (after I woke up) that he estimated I was within 24 hours of death via septic shock if I hadn't come in when I did. On the other hand, the admitting nurse asked me if I was in the early stages of pregnancy when inquiring why I'd come in, which, despite the obviously perilous situation, I still felt strangely giddy at.

I hope Chris(tine) goes to the hospital. Nobody deserves to die that way. Not even me.


Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2016-07-26

woah, good story! I think doctors tend to say u could have died to scare you a bit into being more responsible. In college I once got so drunk I ran into a parking meter and gave myself quite the scalp wound. My friends who brought me to hospital were treated to hours of lectures on the evils of alcohol while I was blissfully unconscious, also apparently the doc said I could have died from the shock of blood loss if I had not been so drunk.


cognitivedissonance - 2016-07-26

This is the reality Chris chose. He sought fame, he got it. Decades of magical thinking and up-by-your-bootstraps have led him to this place. His life was never going to be good, and he was never going to find his Sweetheart. He played his hand and this is actually a better final act than he'd get otherwise.


Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-26

B. writes:
"christ, writing that in a goddamn fucking-chris-chan thread kills another little part of my probably nonexistent soul"

That is how you know the Portal Of Evil is operating at peak efficiency. It may seen ramshackle and hap hazard, but it runs like a well oiled machine.


dairyqueenlatifah - 2016-07-25

After I saw the pictures I was genuinely worried about him. I hope he doesn't get a massive infection from it.


TeenerTot - 2016-07-26

There are pictures?
Glad I didn't watch this.


EvilHomer - 2016-07-26

Pictures are archived on the CWcki and the Farm. This video doesn't show anything gross; it's not even about the abscess, at least not directly.


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

It's more about the existentially haunting possibility that very, very soon, Chris will release his final video, some dancing monkey routine where he mumbles his way through Livin' on a Prayer, and is rushed to the ICU that very night, goes into septic shock, and dies. And that's it. The death of Christopher Christian Christine Weston Chandler.

I have no medical training, but there are a couple posters on the Kiwi Farm who do, and the general reaction is bug-eyed terror and EMERGENCY ROOM. TONIGHT. So while I don't know the exact timeframe, this doesn't sound like something that will take him from us slowly. My guess is the curtain could fall within a week or two if he doesn't get immediate help.


EvilHomer - 2016-07-26

Yeah, the posts are the worst. It's so fucking surreal. I know a lot of it is just speculation, but they make a compelling argument that all the stuff going on - the panty liners, the discharges, the hypno-vagina - are just Chris misinterpreting the true nature of a bleeding, festering, open wound in his body.

I know Chris can be pretty dumb sometimes, and he has a long history of ignoring everyone else's advice and instead choosing to see reality in his own cavalierly-bizarre manner. That's one of the greatest features about him, one of the reasons he's become, in his own strange way, one of the most legendary artists on the internet.

But now he might fucking die because of this quirky pattern of thinking. Literally fucking die, all the while thinking he's NOT dying, but rather, slowly getting hypno-metamorphisized into the beautiful soul-lesbian woman that God and the Bear always intended for him to be.


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

Everyone is so fixated on the medical details here, but yeah, like you said, the truly unsettling thing about this is how far gone Chris truly is.

Years ago, when trolls insisted Chris thought Cwcville was a "real" place, I took it as them completely underestimating him and taking a basic metaphor--IT'S REAL TO ME, DAMMIT--literally. But right now, Chris honestly believes psychic sound waves blasted through Youtube are causing new organs to form on his body, completely recalibrating his entire body from afar, just tossing vaginas on his taint and clitorises on his elbows like the Ambien-fueled hellscapes of Geiger and Cronenberg. He literally believes a Youtube video gave him new organs.

And in this same reality, he apparently went to a doctor, who looked at Chris' brand-spanking new misplaced Youtube vagina, and said "oh ok then. you must be listening to that radio show that replaces your eyes with clitorises. well, everything seems in order!"

I mean....when Chris first appeared on the Internet, he was a loveable nerd with impeccable fashion sense. He was weird and awkward and horny and quirky, but that was it. Over time, we laughed at tiny lapses in his logic (haha, if he says he's gay with Optimus Prime on his lap, it doesn't count!) and the hints of sexual dysmorphia tracing back to his very first IMPORTANT MESSAGE, but at no point did we ever think his grasp on reality was that tenuous.

I read one post by a certified MD on Kiwi stating that Chris probably won't die, but will need long, intensive hospitalization and plastic surgery. Can you imagine him coping with that AND the death of Barb? How much further can he descend into madness? Is he going to blow up King's Landing?


Oscar Wildcat - 2016-07-26

All hail the new flesh!


BHWW - 2016-07-25

He's become the equivalent of The Sims for bored internet-goers to play, he believed he grew a vagina through hypnosis, instead, even as other people tried to convince him he should have whatever it is checked out by a doctor. Chris-chan is going to drop dead one day due to gangrenous taint infection and his mother will find out and die from an asthma attack.


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2016-07-26

I just realized he looks like Honey Boo Boo's mom.

Also, he'll be better off dead.


Sexy Duck Cop - 2016-07-26

I joke, but I would be genuinely heartbroken if Chris died so young. What I WOULD like to see would be a Hospital Saga where he waits just a little too long but still receives treatment in time to prevent him from going into septic shock, so he has to spend a month uploading begging videos from his hospital bed. That could be interesting.

Most likely, though, he'll be dead within a couple weeks, if that, which is te saddest thought in the world.


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2016-07-29

I haven't watched his videos for 4 years or so because I just couldn't expose myself to that level of toxic sadness.

Still, the loader image haunts me.


Ghoul - 2016-07-26

Back when Christine was merely busting loads into Tupperware and storing them in her mom's fridge, i wrote:

"We've reached the bottom. Things couldn't possibly get any weirder or sadder than this without a tragic death."

Welp, here we are! Three minutes to midnight. Its been a strange and hilarious ride, but deep down we all knew how this would play out.


Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2016-07-26

5 for having to Google 'taint' when used in this context.


themilkshark - 2016-07-26

It "taint" your asshole, and it "taint" your johnson


Ryo-Cokey - 2016-07-26

You know, Chris-chan really reminds me there's a reward to being awful in a public forum. There are a lot of people really interested in getting him help, as opposed to the case of plenty of people, who weren't dumpster fires of human beings who ranted on the internet and harassed people, who died alone and miserable. If you're just a run-of-the-mill failure, no one cares.

Can wanting him to survive this count as Altruism, if your motive is only future amusement at his expense? Yes? No?


GravidWithHate - 2016-07-26

I think so, most of the time, maybe.

Death is the end of possibility. Regardless of your motivation, saving a life allows more stuff to happen in that life.

Put it this way: Even if your only motivation is to watch the monkey dance some more, keeping the monkey from letting itself die in a reeking puddle of purulent exudate and necrotic tissue means that maybe after dancing the monkey finds a banana or gets picked up by animal control and sent to a wildlife rehabilitation centre.


badideasinaction - 2016-07-26

I hope Christine is okay but if she dies I hope they get Terry Giliiam to do the movie adaptation. He can make the ending a tribute to Brazil with CWC getting the final wish.


casualcollapse - 2023-05-16

They fucked their mom!!!!


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