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Desc:The whole movie is like this.
Category:Classic Movies
Tags:Wachowski Siblings, Eddie Redmayne, POE Monday Night Raw
Submitted:cognitivedissonance
Date:08/02/16
Views:893
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Comment count is 30
gmol
This was definitely the most terrible movie I remember seeing. I feel bad for the fx guy that did the man dragons. They were good.
StanleyPain
I can't believe the Wachkowski's made this after Cloud Atlas. It'd be like Kubrick going from Barry Lyndon to making Biodome.
TheOtherCapnS
I kept waiting for him to start talking about the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
Scrimmjob
So did you guys end up watching this Monday night?
Hooker
Unfortunately.

dairyqueenlatifah
Their slow descent into madness in their personal lives is parallel with their plummet into inexplicably awful film directing. It's amazing actually.
Sanest Man Alive
Every time I look back, I have a harder time believing they were ever good.

dairyqueenlatifah
I'm not sure they were. I think we were all young and stupid and feeling edgy in the midst of Columbine. I rewatched both The Matrix and V For Vendetta about a month ago. Neither were the amazing films I remembered them being when they first came out.

But compared to Jupiter Ascending those films are masterpieces.

Scrimmjob
I recently rewatched the first Matrix, followed by Dark City. You could argue that both have aged considerably, but I think I'll just stick to Dark City from here on out when I'm looking for some dark and edgy 90's sci fi.

William Burns
Their best post-Matrix movie was Speed Racer.

Miss Henson's 6th grade class
The first Matrix is pretty great, as long as you're okay with a stylishly done compilation of science-fiction ideas that've been around for a while tarted up with some Philosophy 101 and some cool visual/literary references. William Burns is right about Speed Racer. A wonderful updating of a campy, not-terribly-good cartoon.

betamaxed
Text taken from an illustration Cog put up on facebook about this movie:

"This is a movie by emotionally stunted, pseudo-intellectual, tin-eared Martians, featuring a cast of millennial sub-Shakespearean talking in groans, mumbles, squeaks, and moans. The plot is a mutant fruit salad of anti-capitalist sentiment, half mashed with giddy autocratic dictatorship obsession; weird, populist, anti-bureaucratic, anti-government, pro-eugenic, David Icke/Alex Jones new age nonsense, swaddled in outstandingly absurd warhammer 40k ultra-violence and campy costumes that would shame Bob Mackie.

The themes include: incest, rape, the selling of one's sister's eggs to purchase a PlayStation, genocide on a planetary scale, slavery, class warfare, spaceships with statues on them, patently illogical architecture on a gas giant planet, astrology, suicidally bored immortal alien plutocrats, and the importance of bees. This movie is insulting to the audience, the actors, the studio and the computers required to generate every scene. Yet despite being festering trash by and for garbage people, I whole-heartedly recommend ‘Jupiter Ascending’”
cognitivedissonance
What bugs me most is this movie doesn't have the guts to follow through on any of it's conceits. Every good idea is gone in five minutes, blown up for no real explanation.

misterbuns
Ha. If only the whole movie was like this.

Most of the movie happens on earth. In boring cars or boring restraunts or boring houses.

If the whole movie was like this it would be fun. This movie was boring.
Nominal
I want to say only one-third of this movie took place on Earth, but honestly I completely lost all concept of time as this torture went on.

There were like 3 separate moments the movie could have and should have ended after Channing rescues Mary Sue from falling, but it kept going so it could get to another scene of Channing resucing Mary Sue from falling.

Spaceman Africa
when did people start thinking eddie redmayne was a good actor?
Born in the RSR
I really admire and appreciate how you guys stuck with me on this one. Most of you had already seen it and yet you braved it yet again to discover new horrors.

Shoutout to poopy ,who saw it for the first time on MNR, and probably fainted before it was over.

Also: Bark Bark, motherfuckers!
Nominal
This movie was up there with Hunger Games for dishonest mixed values. The events the villains have put into motion are terrible! But the perks they give me are totally awesome! End on me getting to eat the cake and keep it!
il fiore bel
He had such a raging hateboner for his mom and it came out of nowhere.
Monkey Napoleon
You'd hate your mom too if you had to put up with her telling you stop mumbling and to talk properly for 14 thousand years.

BHWW
I hated The Matrix, and I've been nothing but vindicated in that judgment ever since, but that's probably going to be the only thing they're ever truly remembered for.

This movie had, among other problems, Mila Kunis. Just, you know, Mila Kunis, one of the least convincing leading ladies around.
Hooker
Watching it for the second time, I realized that, at the end, when she's running from all the collapsing industrial steel walkways on Jupiter, she drops directly into jogging form: torso upright, arms bent and swinging rhythmically by her side, keeping a steady trot. She was running for her life in these scenes.

She is the fucking worst.

Nominal
Might not be her fault. The Plinkett videos showed us how the 15 foot greenscreen sets limit actor movement.

boner
Why are you guys watching stuff like this when there are more movies about vans out there?
Ugh
it's like redmayne watched a bunch of frank-n-furter and francis dolarhyde clips back-to-back

now i'm kinda looking forward to the next potter movie just to see if he begins to chew scenery (or chew the green screen i guess)
cognitivedissonance
This movie somehow manages to be anti-capitalist AND pro-oligarchy.
memedumpster
This movie makes you really appreciate the linear character based solid storytelling of Battlefield Earth, and its attention to cinematography and special effects.

I like to think Jupiter Ascending is the book Tom Hanks wrote in Cloud Atlas leading him to throw the critic off the balcony.
BHWW
Jupiter Ascending makes me think it was based on a book the Wachowskis discovered - like, image the most convoluted, needlessly complicated, written-at-a-below-eight-grade-English-level self-published lousy sci-fi novel - that they were never able to sell to a publisher because, obviously it was just TOO GOOD and mindblowing for those peabrains. It has that feel to it.

chumbucket
Sounds like this is a movie I need to see.

Nominal
Dune without the prologue opening is easier to keep track of than this movie.

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