Don't hate Seagal because he's that damn good. Thanks to the mysteries of Aikido, the stronger the opponent, the easier it is for Seagal to win. And furthermore...

ah, fuck it. I can't do it. Seagal is a big fat joke. The only thing I'd say is that GSP brought it on himself, for even agreeing to act with Steven in the first place, but there is no excuse for Seagal. Unless you're Erica Eleniak, you can't keep riding on "Under Siege" forever.

Seagal's reality cop show was genuinely entertaining, however. Just not for the reasons Seagal had hoped.

You're right, it is GSP's fault. I'm not sure why he was desperate enough to take this as a gig. It's just crazy how huge Seagal's ego is, that no one else can look good in a fight scene but him, not even a world class fighter like GSP. Vulnerability makes an action star relateable and makes the fight scenes suspenseful. Seagal has been doing movies for almost 30 now and the only thing that has changed is his weight.

I hope he doesn't teach the cops akido, being a cop is dangerous enough without that phony baloney martial art making it worse.

Also, I'm pretty sure Donny Yen put Tyson over, not to be a nice guy, but because Donny Yen was scared that otherwise Tyson would have eaten him.

Have you never seen Seagal's cop show? It follows Seagal's "day job" as a sheriff at some local police department. It's basically one of those parodies about the washed-up actor everyone hates, but they're too polite to call him out - only this is real life. This is what he actually does.

You gotta check it out some time.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=steven+seagal+lawman

I've seen some of it, I just watched a clip now, they're handing out warrants and Seagal is dressed like he's about to fight a war.

He is. He's about to fight a War on Crime.

Van Damme was also very human, vulnerable, and self deprecating the film JCVD. A stunning performance all around.

Ok, I'll have to stop you there. Van Damme's just a quitter. As shitty as Seagal is, at least he's got the balls to see his vision through to the bitter end.

Van Damme knows how to adapt. What's Seagal's vision anyhow? To make 50 shitty low budget films where he plays an unstopable special forces, CIA, black ops badass fighting some kind of generic something something...?

They haven't even invited him to do an Expendables movie for fucks sake. Even the audience who loves washed up action heroes doesn't give a shit about him.

Seagal is all about spreading Asian philosophy and being a positive role-model for fellow karate enthusiasts. You can't do that if you treat your personal brand as a joke.

I could ask you the same thing about John Cena: "why does John Cena keep winning fifty shitty wrestling matches? Why does he pretend to be an unstoppable wrestler, Marine badass?" etc etc. And you already know the answer. It's because John Cena has a positive vision. He's not about entertainment, he's about teaching his fans integrity and discipline.

JCVD is going out like Kurt Angle. He doesn't think he can be taken seriously, like Cena, and he's not got the balls to stand up for himself, like Lesnar, so instead he's just going to play the clown and job for a living.

It's pathetic, really.

Angle is more of the Seagal here. Washed up, broken, settling for smaller and smaller stages. TNA is the equivalent of super low budget direct to video features.
Cena changes, he puts on great matches. He and AJ Styles had an excellent match at Summerslam, sadly Styles won... clean.

Seagal and Van Damme are BOTH washed up. VD is Angle; Seagal is Iron Sheik.

And why is John Cena fighting Applejack now?

Having seen some of Seagal's post-big screen output, I can predict how most of the couple of dozen direct-to-video cheap-o flicks he has yet to appears in this year will go

1) Odds are good that he'll actually appear in less than ten minutes of a movie's running time

2) In any scene that involves fighting, driving, running, walking... heck, moving in any way, Seagal will be replaced with a stunt double who looks absolutely nothing like him

3) At least 50% of his lines will be dubbed by someone who sounds nothing like him

4) Every male character will treat him like a bad-assed demigod despite his age, appearance, and physical condition, as if the original script had been written with a younger and better-looking lead in mind

5) Every female character will treat him like a sexual dynamo despite his age, appearance, and physical condition, as if the script had been written with a younger and better-looking lead in mind

6) The same few blocks of Prague will stand in for multiple US cities

How can you tell which camera it was shot on?

Autism.