I think my housemates think I've lost my mind from how hard I'm laughing alone in my room.

Coming out from under anesthesia sucks. I was put under 5 times during my extended stay post-motorcycle crash. Though when the nurses give you some ice cubes it's like the most delicious thing on earth.

I mean it certainly sounds like he feels better now.

That's true love right there my friends.

They give you gas, you give it right back.

this is a dupe but I can't find it

It's the look on his face, like he was leaning over to tell her, "there is an international team of assassins after me and you're in terrible danger!"

Maybe he WAS saying something like that, but in code. Hell, maybe he belongs to an elite band of code talkers.

if this is post-colonoscopy, it's the one time in your life you get to fart like that completely guilt-free and it doesn't even smell like anything because you spent an entire day taking purgatives. plus being sedated feels great

a couple of days ago i did a fart right in the middle of twerk class while i was twerking. it was very awkward and embarrassing.

It's actually critically important to have a bowel movement as soon as possible after abdominal surgery. Even if the brain can't feel the pain due to anesthesia, the rest of the body goes into hyper-sympathetic (fight or flight) mode, meaning the bowels can completely stop moving. That's called post-op ileus, and is a major complication of surgery. So yeah the sooner you shit, the sooner you get to go home!