Bort Right thar at the beginnin' of this hyar vidya.
Okay, by Ken Curtis standards that's nothing. But it IS Ken Curtis a.k.a. Festus Haggen, and if anyone could write the book on authentic frontier gibberish it would be Festus. That's even taking into account that he never learned to read because, and I quote: "when you start to read reading, how do you know that the feller that wrote the reading, wrote the reading right?"
Oh Festus. People think you were slow, but you would have seen right through the Internet.