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Desc:The one where everyone is made out of plastic and Grendel's mom is hot.
Category:Classic Movies, Crime
Tags:edgy, bad CGI, implied incest, Worst Movie Ever Week
Submitted:Maggot Brain
Date:11/07/16
Views:695
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Comment count is 29
The Mothership
As someone who has taught Beowulf for many years as an Anglo-Saxon historian, I can say that this is the worst movies that I have ever seen.

Well, maybe not the worst move ever, but one of the worst medieval movie versions of a piece of literature ever.

Read the book, kids.
Maggot Brain
http://tinyurl.com/zew4kcn

This book?

bawbag
I tried watching about 5 minutes of this once and even that was a struggle.

A fucking remarkable story turned into such generic trash.

poorwill
Which translation should I get? Only Beowulf I've read is the """""""children's""""""" book version with beautiful and disturbing illustrations by Charles Keeping https://www.google.co.nz/search?q=charles+keeping+beowulf&espv=2&b iw=1920&bih=901&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiVmZbcpZbQAhX DHJQKHWcXCNwQ_AUICCgB
It had a pretty lasting impression on me because I read it when I was 6.

Two Jar Slave
Is the Seamus Heaney translation still the gold standard?

Old_Zircon
Mothership, would you put this above or below A Knight's Tale?


I saw that with a friend who had a degree in English renaissance literature and loved terrible movies and it was a blast although we almost got kicked out for yelling.

Bort
Oooh maybe you can help me with this! I've seen various treatments of "Beowulf" -- including "Grendel Grendel Grendel" lord help me -- and in one of them it was held that Grendel could not be wounded by weapons because of charms protecting him, rather than him just being a big hardy beast. Thoughts? What's the official ruling, Teach?

Also, do you make a point of yelling at your kids in kennings, like telling them to shut their pie-holes and dick-garages?

The Mothership
Two Jar Slave, yes, the Seamus translation is still the industry standard, although some purists will object occasionally.

OZ, A Knight's Tale is good fun. I thought I would hate it but I didn't. It's no history lesson, but I've seen way worse films. Like Black Knight.

Bort, any arguments that Grendel cannot be harmed because of charms and / or magic are theoretical and unsubstantiated by the text of the original poem. Beowulf is not magical, and he does not employ magic to defeat Grendel, his Mother, or the Dragon.

Also, I yell at young people in kennings using every occasion available. I open up my word-hoard on the sucklings like a ring-giver unleashes his snake-of-wounds against a foe.

Bort
You're the modigest!

Kid Fenris
Video Game Cutscene: The Movie.

Poor Neil Gaiman. Hope he got a nice check for this.
Binro the Heretic
Honestly, the first time I saw the TV version of the trailer, I came in somewhere in the middle and thought it WAS for a video game.

Everyone should check out the "How it Should have Ended" for this one.

Old_Zircon
In all seriousness, is there any live action in this at all? I can't tell from the trailer, it looks 100% CGI.

Old_Zircon
I'll be honest though, this seems like a perfectly average Neil Gaiman vehicle.

Rosebeekee
I suggest watching the Rifftrax version if you want to try and get through this mess.

This movie would be 1000% better if it was just all the green screen footage of Crispin Glover as Grendel.
StanleyPain
Oh god, isn't this the one where Beowulf basically sleeps with Grendel's mom and the dragon is supposed to be their son or some bullshit? Oh god.

I seem to remember around the same time-ish that *this* came out, there was a pretty cool Beowulf interpretation movie called Outlander that basically hardly anyone bothered with, but was surprisingly decent. Underrated, I thought. (not remotely accurate to the story, but definitely an adaptation of the basic story, mind you)
Binro the Heretic
The best version of the Beowulf legend is the novel "Grendel" by John Gardner. It deserves to be made into a decent movie.

There's an Australian animated movie, but it's very kidsy and abandons the main principles of the book.

Gmork
If you didn't make that comment, Binro, I would have. Great book.

Gmork
It was like a mythological Portnoy's Complaint.

Caminante Nocturno
This movie is most memorable for a scene where a scared CGI John Malkovich slowly emerges from a pool of urine.
chumbucket
Anglo-SaxonCore
memedumpster
Well, here's five stars. I used to have a kickass pun name for this movie, but after two days I still can't recall it. Dang.

I will now hit post and probably think of it immediately.
freedoom
i saw this in the theaters with my dad. i spent the entire movie trying to figure out if it was CGI and if it wasn't what was wrong with everyone on screen.
MagickPoultry
I like this movie.
dairyqueenlatifah
I always wanted to see this movie but somehow nine years later I've still never watched it.

Maybe I'll watch it tomorrow instead of election coverage.
Gmork
Not that bad, really, just mediocre.

garcet71283
Far from the worst movie ever.

Not a great movie, but not bad, just forgettable and generic.

Really didn't need to be CGI either, since everyone just looks like they do in real life anyways.
Binro the Heretic
Yeah, but do you know how expensive the makeup to make everyone look like they're made of Sculpey is?

il fiore bel
I definitely had the wrong impression before going in to see it. Worse, I brought some kids to watch it as well.

In 3D.

I'm still embarrassed about that, nine years later.
Nominal
There has been no greater transition for a director from brilliant to utter shit than Robert Zemeckis.
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