I didn't think it sucked, but it was really lazy. Basically just a remake of JP but not as well structured.
Oh, and the weirdly misogynistic undertones were pretty creepy...methinks the writers/directors/whoever has some weird issues with women.
I'm going to assume you never saw JP2 or JP3, because this film is a masterpiece in comparison.
That being said, I didn't think this movie was BAD. It was just beyond unremarkable. A safe, risk free, by the numbers sci-fi adventure, completely bland and flavorless. Pretty much everything the original Jurassic Park wasn't. I mean it's a fine popcorn flick, nothing about it is bad aesthetically. Special effects are okay. Acting is okay. Writing is okay. Everything is okay, but nothing more.
Then again, this movie grossed $1.67 BILLION at the box office, so maybe I missed something important.
|infinite zest |
For a reboot, it really wasn't much of a reboot. Michael Crichton's original books were much darker: I had just finished reading JP when the movie came out and I was like 12 years old.. the description of Nedry's evisceration still grosses me out, and I read AND finished Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho (the novel!) So I just hauled ass out of the theatre, but this being Spielberg, I should've expected not much more than a camera pan and wilhelm scream.
A super dark and gritty JP might've been interesting; I think at one point John Sayles (Lone Star, Casa de los Babies) of all people was working on it. Dark worked for Crichton's Westworld too! But it is what it is: a side story involving two kids who get lost, an evil Nedry guy, and dinos doing dino stuff. And new Dinos, like Raptordactyls and raptors with like they shoot lazers or some shit, big bad dinos created by our fucking around with nature, and that same message crammed down your throat like a ten inch cock.
But it is cool to see the Park actually OPEN for once.. maybe they did it in JP2 as well, can't remember. But it also lacks the charm of a Spielberg: can't say what it is.. oh well, Lauren Lapkus is in it and she's hot. Download for free and you can't really complain too much; spend 15 bucks and see it in the theatre? Pass-a-dina thank you very much. If nothing else it's a good way to kill time on cinemax before the softcore porn comes on.
The books also have way more action. When the Lost World movie came out I was blown away they didn't include the sequence where they kidnap a baby T-rex on motorbikes or whatever.
I'm actually watching it again.. cozy at my parents' house under house arrest with my girlfriend. Like Robocop, most Kurt Russel movies and Rocky 2 thru 4, might as well drop what you were doing. And that's a good movie in my book. But yeah I'd forgotten about the motorcycle part! What, did Spielberg think motorcycles would be too expensive?p
Nope, I agree, nearly every moment of this movie was dumb.
The raptor chase scene with the van was such a stereotypical paint-by-numbers motorcycle chase scene with obvious green screen motorcyclists that they actually had a raptor veer to the side and try to overtake the van on the driver's side until the van swerved into it and made THE RAPTOR SPIN OUT.
Also, the movie was a step away from having the raptor at the end fist-bump its chest and shoot a sideways fingergun at the T-Rex.
When I saw the posters I thought they messed up and accidentally made it look like he was teaming up with the raptors. An obvious mistake, I thought, because that would be the stupidest idea in the world.
My retinas nearly detached with the amount of eye rolling I did watching this thing. Laziest collection of references ever cobbled together into a movie length collection of crisp, colorful images played in a sequence.
|Two Jar Slave |
This movie was dull as dirt, but it also had a dumb tourist being picked up and dropped by a pterodactyl, so... ehhh... whatever. Not a miserable two hours exactly, maybe like SPECTRE it's best enjoyed in the background while cooking or zonked out on a red eye.
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
I really love Chris Pratt to a ridiculous degree. I would watch him in literally anything. I would watch him in a remake of Manos the Hands of Fate or The Room.
Have you heard about "The Room?" I think it's sort of an Ed Wood telling of the story behind the movie, with James Franco playing Wisseau. Normally I don't like James Franco, but he was GREAT in Spring Breakers (really the only reason to see that movie).. unless it was not an act in which case I am a little scared. :)
my favorite review -- "Watching Jurassic World is like watching a library burn down"
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