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Desc:I can't think of anything that could ever go wrong with this concept
Category:Military, General Station
Tags:amazon, machine learning, an insult to life itself
Submitted:Born in the RSR
Date:12/06/16
Views:796
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Comment count is 31
jfcaron_ca
The self-checkout counters at regular groceries already make me want to self-immolate when I use them. This'll be more of the same except Amazon will track your every movement and use your metadata to influence your in-store choices.
chumbucket
User 34029 Dec 6 2016 purchased 4 boxes of Oreos, 3 cartons of chocolate chip ice cream, 5 bags of Funions and a 2 lb pot roast.

User 34029 Dec 16 2016 purchased 1 container of Metamucil, 2 bottles of Nyquil, 1 tub of prepared mashed potatoes and 3 roaster chickens

User 34029 Dec 20 2016 purchased 1 box of razor blades, 1 500ct of Advil

User 34029 May 24 2017 Account Closed due to inactivity.
kingarthur
Five for chumbucket.

Surely we're near automating the vast mass of the working class out of jobs and, with the destruction of the social safety net, their deaths are soon to follow.

betabox
They just need to use their bootstraps to avoid death.

EvilHomer
Just once, I'd like to see some dystopian science fiction in which all forms of robotics and industrial automation have been *banned*. This society is still outwardly "industrialized", but every job that would otherwise be done by a machine, is instead done by great masses of human laborers.

The protagonist is a Rollman - an unskilled worker whose task it is to run along the roadways all day long, shifting giant wooden rollers which are used to transport goods and materials across vast distances. This stone-aged method of transportation is necessary because both trains and combustion engines have been forbidden, on the grounds that their use would jeopardize the Rollmen's careers. Eventually he dies of some horrible, degenerative injury caused by the constant strain of physically rolling giant shipping containers all across the country - but the Rollman dies happily, knowing that his children's careers are secure.

Cena_mark
It would make Atlas Shrugged seem subtle.

Gmork
Sounds like exactly the kind of tripe you'd write.

Oscar Wildcat
I for one think it would be hilarious and urge EvilHomer to write just such a story. The ending needs a bit of work tho. How about: Rollman eventually loses his job when it's realized that an even simpler means of transport is necessary to absorb all the kids Rollman had when he wasn't rolling around in circles. Rollman insists hit children not be layabouts, THEY MUST ROLL. Rollman gathers no moss. Nor does he consider the lilies of the field. He just rolls on to his grave. Can you dig him? Or just bury him.

EvilHomer
I'm always open to constructive criticism! For Gmork and Oscar's sake, I'll find a compromise that they can both enjoy. How about this: the Rollman realizes that even wooden logs are hellish technological innovations which cost human jobs. So he eats and eats and eats, and when he is fat enough, he uses his own body as a biological roller. He bursts under the great weight of the shipping container, but his children are able to drag his corpse back and forth along the road, and - like John Henry - the Rollman's final delivery arrives on time.

Oscar Wildcat
King Solomon himself could not have cleaved the baby more neatly. Ghost stars for that!

Oscar Wildcat
Now, they simply _had_ to go to human rollers when the price of trees grew to high. His old flabby body wasn't up to the task, but he could still be useful as Greece (sp!). Title: "Rollman and the Juggernauts in search of the golden mean".

kingarthur
Here's an apt sub heading from an article on Uber about similar business practices from nakedcapitalism.com today:

"The Silicon Valley Venture Capital Community Has Long Been Focused on Exploiting Monopolies and Extracting Rents From “Winner-Take-All” Markets"
Maggot Brain
Yes, let's make our supermarkets look more like subway stations. No need to run to the bathroom that's always hiding in the back of the store, now you can just go where ever.

But I will say that this device is perfect for people who pay ten bucks for a bunch of bananas. Who wants to think about that!?
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
With automation advancing at a startling pace, and no universal basic income on the table for the foreseeable future, maybe we can turn all those unemployed service industry people into human shields for our tanks and ships when we go to war with China.
M-DEEM
What would shopping look like if I could just never stop pissing in your hair face and mouth? I mean, what amazing time-saving technical advancements could be achieved if you had a never-ending ribbon of deem piss splashing off of your chin?
Miss Henson's 6th grade class
I'd purchase more baby wipes, probably.

Oscar Wildcat
Local police offices have been increasingly burdened with maintaining order in Walmarts whose staff is at the bare minimum to operate the business. With no staff at all, these things can and will be deemed an "attractive hazard" after a point.
kingarthur
They're likely to employ a bare minimum staff of stockers and security for when tings can't be handled by a machine - yet.

But if the stories of packs of dogs roaming Wal-Mart's up north are any indication, get ready for human and animal vagrants openly eating food in the store and trying to live there.

Born in the RSR
That won't be a problem once they deploy the E.D. 209s.

chumbucket
209s, 210s whatever it takes.

Quad9Damage
Comments disabled.
dairyqueenlatifah
I really like this idea actually. I fucking hate waiting in line and interacting with strangers.
godot
Says more about Amazon's employees than about the world's needs.
godot
And by employees, I mean engineers. Or maybe just Bezos.

Stopheles
But it's them immigrants that take away American jobs, of course.
dairyqueenlatifah
They do? I thought they just raped and pillaged.

Immigrants taking jobs is soooo 2000s.

Miss Henson's 6th grade class
I can't wait until people start using this thing while sailor-on-leave-style drunk.
Binro the Heretic
I remember when Magnum P.I. promised we would be able to checkout an entire basket of groceries at once.
betamaxed
This store will collect enough metadata to determine who will deserve death by guillotine
RabbitMountain
I'm gonna like the laws brought it to stop people stealing from these places. With self checkout laws where subtly introduced where if you don't scan it *properly* then you technically stole it.

This will evolve into a chess game with touch move, touch take rules with rulings like "you handed it to him therefore you technically were giving him a gift"
magnesium
Why would this require machine learning? It looks like it's just a big check-out scanner you walk through.

I imagine there'll have to be a handful of employees standing around at the end of these things catching people stealing. And we won't have robots to stock the shelves. Yet.
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