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Desc:It's like Twilight...but with angels! Contender for worst movie of 2017
Category:Trailers, Religious
Tags:Crap, angels, Twilight, horrible movie infinity
Submitted:Rodents of Unusual Size
Date:03/24/17
Views:457
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Comment count is 24
Rodents of Unusual Size
Has Hollywood EVER made a good angel movie? I think there was probably "It's a Wonderful Life" but the list is usually infuriatingly bad.

* Michael - horrible movie with John Travolta playing an archangel, and it was utter shit

* City of Angels - Nicholas Cage playing an angel falling in love, and it was utter shit

* Constantine - had an angel played by some British chick and although she was a fairly good actress the movie was still awful by most standards and her character was also pretty dumb.

That's really all I can think of. I'm sure there are more. Hollywood sucks at this.
poorwill
Dogma is a pile of shit, on balance one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

A Matter of Life and Death is good, though it's British and therefore not Hollywood.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_about_angels

I haven't seen Wings of Desire, maybe I should? idk

Old_Zircon
Does Wings Of Desire count as Hollywood?

StanleyPain
City of Angels was a shit remake of Wings of Desire. That film and it's sequel, Faraway So Close I would argue are pretty decent "angel" films. Not Hollywood, though, so maybe that doesn't count.

Don't forget Legion, where good angels and bad angels fight each other in a run down diner with spinning maces.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Well Dogma did have a shit demon in it.

My problem with that movie was mostly the script meandered and wasn't often that innovative, and the concept was better than the final product.

Oscar Wildcat
As you've already covered Wings of Desire, and we're limited to hollywood, try "The Prophecy". It's a bit of a dog, but Christopher Walken is so compelling it makes up for all the hokum and bad storytelling. God, I love that guy.

Xenocide
What about Angels in the Outfield? What better message for kids than the idea that God's almighty messengers have nothing better to do than help some douchebags cheat at baseball?

Sadly it's difficult to find the original theatrical cut, where every time the angels catch a pop fly or help a runner steal home, there's a smash cut to a dying child in the third world, looking desperately up in the sky for help which never comes.

Maggot Brain
Michael has one bit that has stuck with me all these years, the invention of waiting in line. 9 year old me thought that was really funny.

StanleyPain
Oh, and BTW, this is a teen book series. When I worked in bookselling, I had the order of the damn things memorized, but now I couldn't remember if I tried.

CrimsonHyperSloth
Would What Dreams May Come count?

And God damn it if I don't have to be extra careful not to say "Wet Dreams May Come" when I say that title out loud.

duck&cover
Date with an Angel.

Two Jar Slave
Angels in the Outfield makes up for all of those.
Two Jar Slave
Reply to RoUS

Rodents of Unusual Size
I've never seen that one! I looked it up on Youtube and indeed it does not look painfully awful.

Two Jar Slave
Inspirational baseball movie plus inspirational family drama movie plus inspirational faith movie. If America had a Ministry of Propaganda, they couldn't have done any better.

Xenocide
Well, maybe if the angels were also wacky talking dogs, but at one point one of them looks at the camera and says, "I just want my owner to come back safe from Iraq."

Rodents of Unusual Size
Well Islam believes that humans can't ever interact with angels so I guess that would make sense if the Taliban baseball team didn't get any help. They also hate dogs, too. Maybe there's different leagues of angels and the Baseballim is basically just devoted to making sure that children don't forget about the magic that God can perform when you ask Him to help you cheat/win.

So okay maybe that is also a bad movie.

I do like talking dog angels as a movie pitch, though.

So Air Bud is dead and his children miss him so they pray to God that Air Bud can return to him. Air Bud returns as an angel complete with halo and tells his kids that the End Times are coming and they have to win the next baseball game or the Apocalypse will come and all of humanity and puppykind is doomed. We're thinking of calling it Air Apupalypse.

Oscar Wildcat
She'll be more than a little disappointed if she actually get's into this angels pants and discovers that angels have no sexual organs. DOH!
Rodents of Unusual Size
"Baby, it's still good, right?"

"Youdammit!"

TeenerTot
Oh noes! If they kiss, she goes kablooey!
Or just get some saran-wrap.

This is stupid.
dairyqueenlatifah
Holy shit it literally is Twilight with Angels instead of vampires. The scene where he saves her from the falling statue is identical to the scene where Edward Cullen saves Bella Swan from the out of control van. Her friend saying "There's just not something right about that group" referring to the centuries old angels is exactly like Bella's friend talking about how weird the group of centuries old Cullen kids are. The "let me do something retarded to put myself in danger so that he'll save me and confirm my suspicions about him" scene is there. The natural order enforcing angel group is what the Volturi were for the vampires. Then there's the whole "fuck and you die" macguffin as turning Bella into a vampire.

Oh my god I can't believe Stephanie Meyer hasn't sued for copyright infringement.

Oh my god I can't believe I actually remember all that crap about Twilight.
Rodents of Unusual Size
The trauma of Twilight is still pretty fresh. It will take a while to forget the agonizing writing.

SolRo
Im sorry, you'll have PTTD for life

magnesium
One the one hand, these sort of stories are always stupid garbage. On the other, most of the people I know who were really into Twilight are actually very intelligent, accomplished women. It's just some kind of escapism that I don't really understand, I guess.
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