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Desc:Show me The Mummy!
Category:Classic Movies, Humor
Tags:Tom Cruise, RedLetterMedia, half in the bag, the mummy, Dark Universe
Submitted:William Burns
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Comment count is 17
dairyqueenlatifah - 2017-06-11
I almost ended up getting dragged to this movie today. At the last minute an emergency came up and I got out of it. Thanks God.
Gmork - 2017-06-12
What a child.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2017-06-12
Thank you? :)

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2017-06-12
This movie makes Dracula Untold look like a masterpiece. And that is saying something.

BHWW - 2017-06-11
This is their best in awhile, much laughs to be had about the banality of this Universal monster shared universe - I really hope the Shared Cinematic Universe concept really dies off soon, or at least kills off one big studio that invests too many eggs in that basket.
cognitivedissonance - 2017-06-12
I just don't understand why they are so wildly opposed to just making horror movies.

William Burns - 2017-06-12
@ cognitivedissonance
China doesn't like horror movies. China likes Transformers. China only allows a limited number of foreign releases per year, so Universal is damn well going to give them a Transformers.

cognitivedissonance - 2017-06-12
So then why the hell waste time with monsters? Just create some new characters, specifically designed to appeal to both Americans and Chinese, and take a fucking risk in your life.

But obviously $300 million minimum to make a movie these days is not something you take a risk with.

Two Jar Slave - 2017-06-12
I don't mind the idea of shared universes, honestly. They give movie follow-ups more variety and more freedom than normal sequels can. Sequels basically have to stick to the same characters and same plots as the first movie, with diminishing returns. Shared universes can, in theory at least, branch out and expand on the original movie's premise. That's a very cool idea, especially for something like Star Wars where the characters suck and you're really just sitting there to see new worlds and new spectacles, because you're ten.

The thing is, the first movie has to be worth building on. These shitbird producers are so eager to set up shared universes that they forget to make a movie worth expanding on in the first place. The first Iron Man movie had like 5 seconds of "shared universe" in it—I think Sam Jackson showed up after the credits and handed Iron Man an envelope, and that was it. But when that little teaser happened, it got people excited because the movie they had just watched was pretty good. You can't skip straight to that teaser bullshit and expect anyone to care.

But this has always been the case. Shameless franchise-building today is not much different than it was back when Dolph played He-Man.

Maggot Brain - 2017-06-12

what about some hopping vampire movies?

cognitivedissonance - 2017-06-12
It seems like you'd have to spend a lot of time explaining Egyptian resurrection mythology to the average Chinese person. Add to it that even by American standards, the Mummy is an also ran monster. He's not a vampire, and he's a weird one-off zombie with a bizarre love story thing attached. It feels a weird thing to try to hand over to the Asian market.

Nominal - 2017-06-12
They should have put a mummy on the poster for The Mummy.
Two Jar Slave - 2017-06-12
That's just the kind of thinking that would get your ass fired.

infinite zest - 2017-06-12
At least I remember the Brendan Fraser being fun in a sort of Sam Raimi way (especially where Raimi would go in a couple of years with Spiderman). I remember I went to see Starship Troopers but I was 15 and the usher made me see the Mummy instead or leave, and it was pretty PG13 violent, the effects were cool, and it certainly yanked the band-aid off Your Dad's Mummy Movies, kinda like The Thing or The Blob did, or at least attempted to. And whatever. That was and has always been the goal of the PG13 Summer movie if nothing else the Fraser Mummy deserved its commercial success. I think the China Connection thing might be a little bit overthought (not by Jay and Mike but by everyone) and it's more probable that this is just another Mad Libs cashgrab of a franchise nobody's given serious thought to since the 1960s, but it doesn't mean this trend doesn't scare me. It's just not the Mummy I'm afraid of.
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2017-06-12
This movie is like if Hollywood tried to be like Bollywood trying really hard to make a shitty Tom Cruise movie.

infinite zest - 2017-06-12
I always like to give Tom a slight benefit of the doubt ever since I found out a gal I know worked on a set for one of his movies. Anyway Mr. Cruise comes up to her, takes her by the shoulder and says "I just LOVE helicopters." and walks away. I can't remember which movie it was, but there were definitely no helicopters in it.

Anaxagoras - 2017-06-13
I dunno.... the Brendon Fraser Mummies were pretty ahit too, no matter what lens you viewed them through.

But you're right; they weren't actively repulsive like this calculated corporate.... thing.

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