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Desc:My best friend died. I wanted to see what I looked like when I made those noides
Category:Horror
Tags:I hate you JHM
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:11/20/17
Views:676
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Comment count is 41
Rangoon
I am sorry, JHM.
fedex
I honestly don't know what to say. Sorry about your friend
Bort
I'm sorry man.
Old_Zircon
JHM I am so sorry.
The Mothership
Saturday morning I watched my neighbor's house burn down, and I saw my neighbors die in the street as the firemen tried to save them. I didn't know them, but I cried for them anyway.

I'm sorry for you and your friend, JMH, I probably looked kinda like that the other night.
memedumpster
That's terrible, I'm sorry.
Louddetective
Sorry JHM. My condolences.
That guy
interesting noides
TeenerTot
So sorry JHM.
il fiore bel
Sorry to hear that. My condolences.
yogarfield
Jesus, sorry to hear it.
TheyUsedDarkForces
Sorry, JHM
CrimsonHyperSloth
My heart goes out to you man. :(
Pillager
That's horrible. I wish there was something I could do.
Hegemony Cricket
Sorry, JHM.
exy
My condolences, Mr. Holmes. );
John Holmes Motherfucker
Thanks everybody. There's never anything that you can say when something like this happens, but I'm learning that simple words of sympathy have value. Loss is the ass end of every relationship you'll ever have. There is always loss, and there will always grief, at least until you're the lucky one who dies. So let me extend my sympathy to all of you. I'm not so special.

Cynthia was 71, and had been a paralegal for Legal Aid, As an advocate for the disabled, she was better than most lawyers. At least that's how she told it.

Cynthia and i were lovers for a few years, and that just didn't work, but we stayed friends and we took care of each other.

She was a compulsive hoarder, and she died from a fall while trying to same some of her innumerable possessions. Some of her things were remarkably beautiful. Her Tarot card collection is extraordinary. The stuff that she died for was, objectively, trash.

Over the years, CYNTHIA's STUFF was like this gathering stormcloud. It was a force that controlled our lives. She couldn't move her stuff around.\, so I had to do it. It was in three storage areas about a half hour down the highway. I always vaguely knew that when she couldn't pay for the storage anymore, there would be hell to pay.

Well, that's what finally happened. It took a few months, but her stuff finally killed, like it was always going to do. It's a damned novel.

She was larger than life in everything she did. At McDonalds she would oirder a large coffee with five creams and five splenda. She ordered pizza with double pineapple and double anchovies. I'm not making this up. At one point, she had two great danes. TWO. GREAT. DANES. She wore funny hates with faces of animals on them. A week ago, I put one of those hats on her lifeless body, and said goodbye.

She was incredibly demanding and incredibly generous. HER STUFF sometimes told me where I would sleep, but a week before the fall, she bought this awesome phone. It's got 16 GB or storage, 2 GB of RAM, and it's been very helpful during the crisis period.

It's all so fucking terrible.
WORTH IT! WORTH IT! WORTH IT!
John Holmes Motherfucker
This is sort of an unproofread mess, but I just want to make it clear, she bought the phone for me. It was a gift.

Here's her memorial blog, if anyone cares to have a look at some photos.

https://pineappleandanchovies.blogspot.com/2017/11/e-cynthia-r ichard-1946-2017-have.html?showComment=1511292584847#c783980909898 8143678

John Holmes Motherfucker
Also, I want to add, I knew her for 25 years in April. I had just turned 35. She answered my personal ad.

infinite zest
My thoughts are with you and your loved ones John.

Bootymarch
You're still looking good!
John Holmes Motherfucker
Thanks, I.agree. I was expecting something far uglier. So there's some good news there.

The sobbing happens daily. The sessions are becoming shorter, but also louder. It feels like a gradual letting go. I'm trying to observe this phenomenon, which is so profound.and so universal.

Cynthia was a.large woman, but not too large. Turns out you have to be less than 300 pounds to qualify for the cremation ride.

My brother has financial training, so she made him the executor. He called to tell me that he went down to Legal Aid where she worked, and they filled his.car up with her stuff: pictures, ceramics, toys. Her office was filled with her objects of art.

I saved her tarot cards. 6 and a half crates of gorgeous.art. I've had to prioritize, which is what she couldn't.seem to.do. Let the rest of.it sink into the earth.

Anaxagoras
JHM, for what it's worth, I think you're Good People. I know, it's not worth much, but I think it all the same.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Its worth something right now, so thanks.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I don't know you well, Anaxgoras, but I know this wasn't the first time you've been kind to me.

dairyqueenlatifah
You're pretty hot.

Sorry about your loss. :(
glasseye
So it goes.

I'm sorry, JHM.
Gmork
And here I am crying at work over some stupid shit in my little corner. Thanks for some perspective. I'm going to love the people I have harder.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Me too, man. Spent the day with my 81 year old dad. My dad had heart surgery back in the sixties when it was a big deal. His heart condition. Probably saved his life. He's outlived everyone in his family. His father smoked and drank and died when he was 5 years younger than me now. His brother was 45.

You want to know a great way to love the people you have? Take care of yourself. I'm going to start watching my diabetes, and drinking water. Every fluid I drink contains caffeine.

My dad's father died in 1960. I was born in 1958. I don't remember him, and that sucks twice because I'm his oldest grandchild. He never knew any of us. My dad was a really good dad, but he came into his own as a grandpa.

So by taking care of yourself, you can love the people you don't even have yet.

Gmork
Goddamn. I have a ways to go.

Getting less fat though. I had a run-in with minor gout inflammation so now I basically can't have sugar. Simply cutting that out has me fitting in 2x shirts that I thought I'd never wear again.

Cereal is my dessert now.

Bobonne
Sorry to hear it, man. Condolences.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Thanks again to everyone. There's nothing you can say other than "I'm sorry for your loss.", but people being nice means everything when the world seems shirty. My therapist's receptionist offered her condolences, and I smiled at her and meant it, and my smile felt good.

And there's one other person I want to thank for making it possible for me to be this vulnerable... And that, of course, is King Arthur.

Thanks, Arthur. We remember.
John Holmes Motherfucker
When the world seems "shirty"? Whatever.

fedex
yes, RIP Arthur

John Holmes Motherfucker
I was listed in the obit as "longtime companion". I really, really love that expression.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I just wanted everybody to know that I'm doing much better. I'm back in my weirdly shaped and and managably small attic apartment (no basement-dweller I!) , where I've wanted to be for a long time. I've got the internet, I've got Cynthia's TV and I'm binging Futurama. The episode with the mind control cats. You don't want to know him many cats are in here with me.

Someone has been hired to clear out all of Cynthia's house immediately after thanksgiving, and if I hadn't left my green screen, I'd never go back.

But it's once more into the breech.

This video reminds me of the first time I saw Boxxy, in that its incredibly hard to watch.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I just wanted everybody to know that I'm doing much better. I'm back in my weirdly shaped and and managably small attic apartment (no basement-dweller I!) , where I've wanted to be for a long time. I've got the internet, I've got Cynthia's TV and I'm binging Futurama. The episode with the mind control cats. You don't want to know him many cats are in here with me.

Someone has been hired to clear out all of Cynthia's house immediately after thanksgiving, and if I hadn't left my green screen, I'd never go back.

But it's once more into the breech.

This video reminds me of the first time I saw Boxxy, in that its incredibly hard to watch.
John Holmes Motherfucker
How is that even possible?
chumbucket
Glad you're checking in and working through all of it. Sorry you have to.
15th
I'm sorry.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I consider myself to be a Christian, not in the sense of literal belief, but in the sense that the moral lessons (especially forgiveness), and the myths of Christianity are central to my deeper understanding of life. To me, it doesn't seem likely to me that Jesus came to earth to be punished for everyone's sin, but, as a myth, the idea of the Christ coming to earth with a expressed mission to suffer and die imparts meaning and dignity to the suffering and dying that we all must endure. I think it means something beautiful that we all have to give up everyone we love, including, in the end, ourselves, that we all have to reconcile our imperfect existence with the idea of perfect nonexistence. But even if this truth can be given meaning, you can't paint a happy face on it. You can't "look on the bright side" It's just terrible, and that's all you can say about it.

HOWEVER:

Love is worth it, and that's good enough. Loving someone while you're both alive, and even after one of you is dead, if you do it with any kind of honesty and dedication, and just a little bit of luck, Love is worth all that pain. And that's a whole lot of pain, so love really turns out to be worth something.

LOVE IS WORTH IT. That's my final word on all of this.
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