John Holmes Motherfucker
****** SIX stars for you, my friend!
Jesus! A fucking laughtrack! Still cringing at the thought!
When I was greedy seven year old, the themes of commercialism and holiday malaise were alien to me... but I knew who Charlie Brown was. He was me. I'm sure many others have felt the same.
If you're an adult, the themes are more real, and more relevant today than ever. "When did the economy get tied to Santa's ass?" asked Lewis Black once. It was a damn good question, and that was before Black Friday got moved to Thursday. I started to be ambivalent to Christmas in my twenties. As a person of low income, I dread the economic siren song of Christmas around the end of August.
Last year, for the first time, I ignored Christmas. I was depressed about the election, and my friend Cynthia had lost her driver's license after a policeman had found her asleep in a convenience store parking lot next to the pump, leaving me to push all groceries, laundry, plus the litter and catfood for fifteen cats, up the steep hill to her house. The day after it happened was the first real snowstorm. The world seemed chaotic and threatening. I just couldn't get it up for Christmas.
As some of you know, Cynthia died nine days before Thanksgiving, after a bad fall, and five days in a coma. It happened in an instant, and I've been dealing with some nasty-ass grief.
Cynthia, and her brother, who died in 2011 and was also a good friend, loved Christmas, and so I made a decision that Christmas would be about her memory, instead of about her loss. She always loved the Christmas lights, so I put up lights everywhere. I went to the annual family gathering, and opened up to everyone. One of the things they never mention about your parents getting divorced is sometimes they marry into great families. My stepmom's family is Polish-Catholic. They hug and kiss each other. it blew my mind the first time I saw it. This year, I took full advantage.
It was a great Christmas, maybe the best since i was a child. Certainly, it was the most therapeutic. With my family, I felt like I belonged somewhere, which is something that just a few days ago, I thought I might never feel again. I got a couple of great presents, including the phone Cynthia gave me as an early Christmas present about a week before her accident. It's the best phone I've ever had. It's got a nice processor, and it really holds a charge compared to the cheap ass phones I'm used to. It was a good thing to have with me through the chaos of the last month and a half.
I also got a Keurig K cup coffee brewer. My brother gave it to me. Cynthia and I had been talking a lot about getting one. He didn't know about that. It was an amazing surprise. Everybody was startled by my delighted scream of OH MY GOD when I opened the gift. I think it's quite possible the last time I reacted like that on opening a Christmas present, it was the Robot Commando, which I got in 1962.
So, am I claiming a Christmas miracle? My dead friend, now an angel, whispering in my brother's ear? It felt like it. I don't really believe in such things, but I liked the feeling.
I'll take it! Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!