I know a young woman who has this, she never shuts up about it.
OK I read this as "maintenance this entrails" and I thought that was pretty clever. Then I was mildly disappointed.
And now, the $64000 question:
|John Holmes Motherfucker |
For six weeks in 1992, I had a catheter inserted into my urethra, and a little plastic bag to catch the piss. It was prescribed by a nurse practitioner in the urology department of a local hospital- He was a real asshole. I only saw him for a moment. He barely spoke to me, didn't ask any questions, and apparently ordered the procedure based on what my friend who made the appointment told the receptionist about my condition.
The nurse who inserted the catheter had terrible acne, but she was a lovely young woman in every other way, a dark-eyed Mediterranean beauty, and very sweet. She flirted with me just a little. It was nothing more than the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, but help it did. For the next six weeks, that was as good as it was going to get.
They give you a shoelace to tie the bag to your leg, which is totally useless if you intend to walk, stand, sit down or sleep during the six weeks. I bought myself several pairs of cheap gym shorts at Dollar General. pinned the bag to the shorts with saftey pins, and wore them under my trousers.
I made this video while I was wearing the catheter.
It was submitted to POE about a year later, not by me. I don't remember who it was, so I wasn't able to find it.
I never saw the asshole nurse practitioner again. A few months later, his wife tried to leave him. He tied her up, severed her Achilles tendons, and forced her to watch while he shot their three year old daughter in the chest burned down their house, and finally shot himself in the end. I still take the prostate medications this monster prescribed for me, which have rendered me unable to produce more than a barely discernible droplet of semen. But that's no big deal, since the antidepressants have made me impotent, and ass long as there's nothing shoved up my urethra it's all good.
My biggest weirdest fear in life is being catheteritized. It was done once when I was under GA and I peed red for days. I can't imagine what it would feel like if I was conscious.
John Holmes Motherfucker
It's a reasonable hypothesis that it might have gone better for you if you had been conscious. There are certainly worse things that could happen to a person. There's what he did to his wife and daughter. And there's being fitted for an ostomy bag. I'm feeling pretty lucky right now.
I was demonstrating some software to a company in this field, and while I didn't really know what to expect when doing a Google Image Search for "ostomy", the results were solidly 'mildly uncomfortable, unusual internet' - as though if I went *any* deeper, things were about to get super, super weird.
And at the same time, learning a little bit about the kind of stuff a most people go through (this company wasn't just ostomy focused), some dealing with these things way sooner than they ought to, it was heartwarming to see this culture of support in this unusual niche on the net.
In related news, Erik Wolpow had an article where he revealed that he recently had his colon removed due to ulcerative colitis.
I know I lost it someplace around here...
Thankfully, after having most of my colon surgically removed I did not need to drag one of these around after.
John Holmes Motherfucker
For the rest of my tenure on POE I will always associate that anecdote with chumbucket's username.
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