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Desc:"I tell joke to buy hat back from restaraunt. They said 'it is not funny. You have a tiara now!'"
Category:Humor, Arts
Tags:fat, fat acceptance, fat chicks in party hats, party hat, fatty persecution week
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Comment count is 25
Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2018-08-02
I thought this was clickhole at 1st... Cus they do a series of *very* similar vids...

eg. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyuPcG9gaz0
Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2018-08-02
ps. Lets have fatty persecution week!! :D

Gypsy_Dildo_Factory - 2018-08-03

MurgatroidMendelbaum - 2018-08-02
"How DARE my doctor deem to tell me what is best for my health!"
Chancho - 2018-08-03
where is my sleeping bag? OH! THE FATTY WEARS IT FOR PANTYS!!!!! you may keep it... because now it smells like porkfart.
HarrietTubmanPI - 2018-08-03
Five for evil and fat complacency.

Because how dare a doctor suggest she exercise if she has depression, because exercise has been proven to be far more effective as a first step for depression than pills are.

Exercise makes her have to work hard.
Exercise will have to make her sweat.
Exercise will make her lose weight.

Then she'll no longer be fat and a snowflake.

Fat isn't an identity to be proud of.
TeenerTot - 2018-08-03
"Fat" isn't an identity. I think that was kind of her point.

Also, I'm not going to critique her experience with doctors, because I don't know what those experiences have been. But I have had a doctor who dismissed my complaints.

Old_Zircon - 2018-08-03
Hell, I'm a straight white guy and I've had doctors tell me to my face that I'm lying about my medical recorded history (for example "you never had e.coli poisoning because you were only in the hospital for 4 days" which is almost verbatim). The fact that the CDC does a full genetic profile of ecvry case of e.coli that gets treated for epidemiological purposes and the entire thing is documented thoroughly in my medical records and by the CDC didn't enter in to it, because actually consulting records is too much effort for a patient who doesn't have insurance.

I had that e.coli in the summer of 2000 and have had chronic, intermittent abdominal pain at the site of the infection ever since, but it wasn't until 2016 that I had a doctor that even believed me much less was willing to say that it

My dad almost died this spring from a rare autoimmune condition that was causing his lungs to fill up with blood. The ENT specialist at Mass General repeatedly told him it was just hay fever and delayed his treatment by weeks, even though he was literally coughing up blood and had lost most of his hearing. He's pretty much fine now but it was very close, much closer than it needed to be.

So yeah. There are plenty of good doctors (and a lot more good nurse practitioners, who are the people who actually do most of the actual work in most circumstances, but that's another conversation) but there are also some really shitty doctors and a lot of doctors who are just fine but are also under extreme pressure from insurance companies to provide the minimum amount of care possible, on threat of having their internal ranking with the insurance company lowered which would mean their practice would receive less coverage which would mean they would lose patients and, if it happened too man times, have their practice go under. To this day I regret not writing down or tape recording the details of that whole system that a coworker of mine in the mid 2000s (who worked full time enforcing that for an insurance company in Cambridge, and moonlighted on the weekend at a record store because he was a collector and wanted the discount and early access to the best records) because it was horrifying. I'm sure it's not too hard to find details on line now.

Point being, I have no doubt this person has ha terrible treatment by the medical community, and probably even worse by the mental health care community.

Doesn't make this a good poem.

Pillager - 2018-08-03
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/08/02/fat-flu-sufferers-like ly-contagious-longer-slimmer-peers/

Flu Boomers.

Disclaimer: I love me some fat chicks, but heart palpitations & diabetes ain't sexy.

Crab Mentality - 2018-08-03
I don't know about any of you, but I've known several people for whom this was just pretty much their body type.
Old_Zircon - 2018-08-03
I've known people who are vegan and literally eaten nothing but vegetables for decades and are still extremely overweight, and who are in good health other than joint problems.

Meerkat - 2018-08-03
Also, nobody is safe. When I hit middle age I started gaining weight like crazy for no apparent reason. I had to make drastic changes to my diet to get back down to "overweight" and not "obese". I maintain by eating one instant oatmeal in the morning, a small salad for lunch, and a senior's portion for dinner. I am allowed one drink per day and no snacks. Once a week I can have a bag of microwave popcorn.

If I stray from this at all, like eating cookies or a bologna sandwich for lunch, I will gain weight. It's ridiculous and unbelievable. And it totally sucks.

That guy - 2018-08-03
Special Poetry Voice
Bort - 2018-08-03
Just dropping in to say that, as far as I can tell, standard advice for losing weight is completely 100% wrong. I actually managed to lose eight inches around my waist from November 2017 thru April 2018 -- and have since kept it off (and even lost a little more) -- by doing what very few people are recommending:

- Drop daily calorie intake way WAY below the 2500 or more you probably require if you're heavy-set. Yes it means counting calories. (I did 1500-1700 a day in general.)

- Consume a ton of protein to offset hunger. Seems that protein is a natural appetite suppressant. (I did 150g a day or more.)

- NO EXERCISE REGIMEN. Do continue being active in your day-to-day activities, and do elevate your heart rate on occasion; but don't imagine you can work the pounds off. Exercise doesn't burn many calories, but it does require you to take in more food to recover; exercise is the enemy of weight loss. So, don't do that; instead let your resting metabolism do the work of burning fat. Save the exercise for when you're at your target weight; it'll be more enjoyable then anyway.

I did around 1500-1700 calories a day pretty comfortably, consuming 150g or so of protein a day. This involved a lot of lean white meats (chicken / pork / turkey), Greek yogurt, tofu / TVP, wheat gluten, and the odd Premier Protein drink. I felt weird and tired for the first couple days, but after that my body got used to the notion of having a protein-rich diet and I was fine with normal activity. Side benefit: these days, my body still associates protein with what I "should" be eating, so I lean towards protein even when I'm not making a deliberate effort to diet.

Think in terms of chunks of 250 calories / 25+ grams of protein; consume six of them a day. And when you're grocery shopping, focus on two numbers: calories and protein. If the protein is a tenth or more of the calories, you've got a keeper. So 3 oz of pork tenderloin is 122 calories and 22.2g protein; that is an excellent food for weight loss. Whereas wheat bread is more like 70 calories per slice but only 4g protein, which is to say, it's terrible for weight loss. (Of course, the Food Pyramid would tell you to eat lots of wheat bread but consume pork tenderloin only sparingly.)

Note that this isn't Atkins; Atkins is about tricking your body into ketosis so it will metabolize food wrong. The protein levels alone in what I'm doing make ketosis impossible, so it's not Atkins. Nor am I saying you need to cut carbs out of your diet, just to be mindful of what they do to your calorie totals. 1500 a day, or whatever, isn't a lot to work with, so you'll likely need to cut back on bread, but probably not eliminate it.

And yes, you'll need to learn to portion, weigh, and measure food if you want to keep a tight lid on your calories. A hassle, but then the pounds start sliding off and you realize it's part of a process that works. Then your brain starts saying, "if I want to keep losing weight I must do this", and it seems like less of a hassle.

Here's a link about protein and weight loss and SCIENCE:


And here's a thing about exercise and weight loss:

https://www.vox.com/2018/1/3/16845438/exercise-weight-loss-myt h-burn-calories
Adjuvant - 2018-08-03
Signed in to say: 'sup Bort. Glad to see ya.

simon666 - 2018-08-04
In addition to Bort's thorough comment, I' add that using a calorie calculator to estimate one's base caloric needs for sedentary life (office job, basic walking from room to room to car) is key. Then you can reduce the caloric intake below that number, while also adding small amounts of extra effort into the day like taking the stairs once, or walking around the block once before checking the mail. Also, eating foot with hella fiber is great too; like twice was US daily recommended intake is.

Anaxagoras - 2018-08-04
That's all pretty good advice, Bort. With one exception: the exercise thing.

The point of exercise isn't to "burn calories". I'm not sure how that trope ever got started; the amount of exercise you have to do to burn just a single bag of potato chips is *insane*.

No, exercise should be included in any weight loss regimen for its various auxiliary effects: it increases your resting metabolism, builds muscle mass (muscle burns more calories than fat), and it helps to regulate appetite. Plus its various other health benefits.

But doing long work-out sessions in an attempt to "burn calories" *is* counter-productive, just like Bort said. Doing that *does* stimulate your appetite, and you tend to just consume the calories you just burned. Instead, just do 15-30 minutes of walking, or light jogging, or something like that. If you feel exhausted after your work-out, you overdid it. (Or you're just starting out & are in really, really bad shape)

GravidWithHate - 2018-08-04
A couple things I'll chip in:

1) Any diet will work. Anything that cuts the calories in down below your calories out will cause weight loss. There's any number of examples, person looses X pounds eating Y horrible thing over Z days, (Twinkies, McDonald's, general junk food). The only real questions are: Can you stick to it, and you being honest when you say you're sticking to it?

Like Bort, I found high protein worked well. I'd just say if it doesn't work for you? Toss it. Find something that does. Reducing the calories you eat is what matters.

2) I'll stress as well: Never count calories burned when figuring out how many calories you can eat per day. Never. Never ever. Never ever ever. There's evidence that there's no linear relationship between the calories you burn and the amount of activity. See the famous hunter gatherer study: ( http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0 040503 ). Plus, whatever relationship there is between calories and exercise, the calories you burn are going to depend on muscle mass, conditioning, and efficiency of movement even. It's so easy to overestimate calorie expenditure, and wind up blowing past your true calorie target as a result.

3) I differ with Bort in that I'd say, you can and should exercise, while dieting. I'd particularly recommend strength training of some sort.

Personal example when I started dieting I also started working out with kettlebells. A few months later I was having people come buy to haul some old junk out of my apartment, and didn't know when exactly they'd be arriving. Until I got a phone call saying they'd be there in 20 minutes, please have all your stuff out on the curb. I still had everything in my second floor apartment. I moved 400 pounds or so of furniture and misc junk (The truck had a scale and I got a receipt) with time to spare. Now, I had always been fat and before I started working out would have had trouble walking up and down the stairs to my apartment for 15 minutes, much less carrying anything heavy while doing it. I still remember the high I was on afterwards when I realized a) I had done it, and b) didn't feel exhausted. That high, being able to physically see and measure my own progress in the real world, gave me a great deal of motivation to keep going forward.

4) Check into your mental heath before dieting. Eating is one of the easiest (and most socially acceptable) ways to self medicate. If bad eating habits are linked to an underlying issue, it helps to deal with the issue while trying to change the habit. Beyond broad mental health, Obesity is also strongly linked with ADHD. ( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5247534/ ). In my case a psychiatrist tell me "I don't know if you have ADD, but this will probably help" before handing me a pile of scrips for amphetamines.

You may say "No shit you lost weight on speed Gravid", but I also gained a chunk of it back when I stopped dieting, on the delusion that I had probably formed better eating habits. Turns out no, not so much, and I'm dieting again. The meds just make it possible for me to diet. It was like finding out willpower and focus was available in pill form.

Don't make it harder on yourself than it has to be, and doing anything with untreated mental health is making it harder. This doesn't mean "pills, pills, pills, where's my goddamn pills", it just means being aware of the issue and taking some action on it.

Bort - 2018-08-06
Ultimately, when it comes to losing weight, the only thing that matters is burning more calories than you consume.

If you can lose weight with a ton of exercise, or moderate exercise, or close to none, fine. Whichever works for you. But I do think a great many people fail to lose weight because they are expressly told to exercise their pounds off, which makes them hungry and foils any efforts to reduce caloric intake. Lord knows I made that mistake for years. I would bicycle so hard that I could barely move, and it took a vast amount of effort to lose any weight at all -- and all that progress was lost as soon as I injured myself or it got too cold to bicycle. I took off way more weight without any exercise regimen but with the right diet. Since exercise seems to be optional to the process at best, and highly likely to be counterproductive, I will call exercise the biggest mistake people make trying to lose weight.

The second mistake people make is eating symbolically rather than mathematically. In other words, many dieters will eat whole-grain bread because it's good for you and part of a healthy diet, while cutting down on their meat intake. Swell, but what about the calories? If you're not doing the math -- if you're not counting calories like a hawk (fuck metaphors) -- you're still not going to lose weight. You need a deficit of 3500 calories to lose a pound; are you making sure you're actually achieving a caloric deficit, or are you just eating better foods with an equal calorie load?

And the third mistake is not figuring out how to keep a caloric deficit sustainable. The math is daunting all right: you'd need to average a caloric deficit of 500 pounds a day just to lose a pound a week. Nevertheless it can be done -- I was cutting back over 1000 calories a day for months -- and you'll have to find what's right for you. I am skeptical of trying to trick one's body into losing weight, such as by drinking a lot of water or eating a lot of fiber just to feel full; the body's going to catch on sooner or later. Protein remains my recommendation, in whatever form you like best; it's a calorie source that fosters satiety (see the science link in previous post). But if you can fiber your way into a sustainable deficit, or whatever technique, use that! It just needs to be something you can keep up with over the long haul.

Let's talk about the Food Pyramid for a second. It's probably a pretty good model for making sure you're getting enough nutrients in your diet, but what if you've got the opposite problem? I don't think the Food Pyramid is a useful guide if you're trying to shed pounds; that's a special situation where different rules apply. And in general, my instinct is that the Food Pyramid steers a person far too much towards high-calorie grains, and legumes aren't even mentioned; there is actually debate whether to include them as meat or vegetable. People would probably tend less towards putting on weight if there were a "legume" tier between vegetables and grains: legumes offer protein and fiber, and are pretty filling, so they deserve a place. Lentils are highly nutritious, though I've tried to enjoy them for years and I just can't do it; they' re like licking a hobo named "Garbage Pete". Black beans are nearly as nutritious, and are versatile as fuck, so that's my recommendation.

Two tips. 1) get a Cave Tools silicone burger mold for doing 1/3 pound portions of ground turkey, chicken, or pork; 1/3 pound will be approximately 250 calories. These things:

https://www.amazon.com/Cave-Tools-Burger-Maker-Accessories/dp/ B01ARYF89G

2) I enjoy sausage, and here's how I turn ground turkey, chicken, or pork into sausage. First I make a seasoning mix with these ingredients:

6 parts salt
6 parts black pepper
4 parts sage (thyme works too)
3 parts ginger
1 part cayenne pepper

Then I mix one tablespoon of that with a pound of ground pork, chicken, or turkey.

Nominal - 2018-08-03
She's so fat, Thanos had to snap twice!
yogarfield - 2018-08-03
Hazelnut - 2018-08-04
I know everybody hates on diet and exercise, but I for reals lost 50lbs through calorie restriction and lots of running.
Gypsy_Dildo_Factory - 2018-08-04
THIS morning I was able to stop and swim in a lake for 12 minutes and all day I've used the pretense of being in a hurry to run in and out from a parked van to wherever and with the pouring rain as such inducing regular people to run if not otherwise standing with an umbrella and a vape. I happened to have put on very light clothing I bought yesterday instead of the stupid heavy jeans I'd been wearing year-round.

THINK of those gay healthy humans on the planet *normally* running everywhere, when Wesley Crusher breaks the gardening structure and is sentenced to death. Or Schwarzenneger's verbal response to the reporter implying that it is odd how he won't drink a soda. People are around low quality food each day, the free and cheap kind only appears to all be the easiest to obtain, or requiring the least preparation. Myself having it placed out all around me an endless supply of leftovers from a bakery and the dive cafeteria 200ft from where I spend the much of any day.

TODAY I disregarded Bort's 1:10 calorie-to-protein ratio maybe *only* as I ate 4 clementines (35*4 kcal to 4*0.6g protein.) Later I mixed 10 olives with a cup of Kraft EZ Mac and a can of tuna. Dinner is microwaved kale and some cheese and either frozen cod or yogurt. Sunday Lunch only and Monday I will become anorexic and start h------.
Comeuppance - 2018-08-04
Oh, hey, a topic I can weigh in on with some confidence.

Calorie restriction is definitely key - but it’s more involved than that, as factors such as stress and sleep deprivation will directly affect your efforts. Get lots of sleep, try to reduce stressors in your life, and keep your caloric intake low with fasts as long as possible in between - the longer you wait between eating, the longer your body spends with lower insulin levels (insulin inhibits the metabolism of body fat, and is released when you eat).

The composition of your diet is moderately important, but not terribly so. Eating proteins, fats, and a small amount of complex carbohydrates will help with satiation to make keeping a lower calorie count easier, but, at the end of the day, keeping your intake lower than your output is what makes the difference. You can increase your output even in a sedentary life just by keeping your stress (and, thus, cortisol) low, fasting, and getting good sleep. Exercise is not necessary.

However, if you do have an established exercise regiment, your raised metabolism will make fat loss notably faster - but no less difficult, since your body will be screaming at you to fucking eat something already, your energy levels will crash, and recovery from exercise will take longer. If you have the willpower and/or a lot of caffeine and nicotine, you can do it all at the same time and make some ridiculous progress in a short amount of time.

Also, 5 stars for pretentious poetry voice.
Caminante Nocturno - 2018-08-06
Spare no respect for the hambeast.
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