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Desc:Dracula takes the form of a giant CGI praying mantis, yet haters insist this movie is bad!
Category:Horror, Trailers
Tags:dracula, dario argento, bad CGI, really really bad cgi
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:11/16/18
Views:473
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Comment count is 15
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-16
I rented this last night, and yes, it's bad, but it's complicated.

For one thing, the second half is much better than the first half. The first half, however, oh dear lord. You just can't believe it. Late night Cinemax tax write-off filler, from the director of Suspiria.

And yet...

And yet...

And yet, if you ever get a chance to see this movie, originally entitled "Dracula 3D" in its original intended format, I recommend that you take it. I finally located an audio commentary for Deep Red, and the very first point that the "Argento Expert" on the track makes is that Argento's films are largely ABOUT cinema, that he's not afraid to remind you that you're watching a movie. In light of this, it's reasonable to suppose that the one Argento Film with 3D in the title is ABOUT 3D, and the film that I just saw on my monitor is not what he intended.

And it's reasonable to suppose that in the director's mind, the obvious, cartoonish CGI effects don't matter that much. He's not trying to fool you into thinking that was a real owl, he's trying to convey something else.
You People Are Idiots - 2018-11-16
ol creepys rapey movie fetish continues
http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=166344
You People Are Idiots - 2018-11-16
Waste ur oxygen here
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

That guy - 2018-11-19
Ok.

betamaxed - 2018-11-16
5 stars for correcting the usual gaggle of killjoys, also this movie is fuckin hilarious.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-16
The scene where a swarm of flies turns into Dracula, that has got to look amazing in 3D, and while the camera doesn't move like in most argento films that I've seen, he takes a lot of care and effort into where he places the camera. He's looking for shots with depth, with layers. I love the idea of a world-famous filmmaker who must be in his 70s, not being at all coy about thinking 3D is fun.

The first REAL 3D movie that I saw was one of the Final Destination movies, and it was really a great use of the effect. When I think about it, the Final Destination movies, with those crazy Rube Goldberg Death scenes, must owe a lot to Argento.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-17
I don't want to pretend that I know more about Argento than I actually do. I'm really enthusiastic about Italian Horror movies lately, but I'm very new to it, and if history is any indication, a lot of my enthusiastic thought and opinions are going to turn out to be wrong or at least, not as good aw my future thoughts and opinion.

If you know anything at all about Argento, you probably know more than I do, but in case anyone doesn't, Suspiria (1977) is amazing, and so is Deep Red (1975), also known as Profondo Rosso. These are his best known works, so this is not an original opinion, and you can easily learn more about them on the internet from people who know what they're talking about. For the uninitiated, I only have two words: SEE THEM.

Louddetective - 2018-11-17
Hey JHM, thanks for the thoughts on the movie. I haven't seen this (Dracula 3D) yet, but I've been on a big Italian horror kick lately (just saw Suspiria with Simonetti's Goblin doing the score live, which was fucking awesome). I've seen Suspiria and Deep Red, and just watched Tenebrae, which was pretty good but didn't blow me away -- maybe because I watched it over a couple of nights. Any other favorites you'd recommend? I've mostly stuck with Argento so far, but I do have some Bava films in the queue.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-17
Well, of course, there's Lucio Fulci.

https://wrongreel.com/top-10-movies-by-lucio-fulci/

Louddetective - 2018-11-17
No mention of Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing???
poorwill - 2018-11-17
Suspiria is not a good movie. Great fucking score though, obviously.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-17
I 'm not necessarily talking about you, but a lot of people probably don't like Suspiria for the same reasons that other people think it's a masterpiece. It's not immersive; it keeps reminding you that you're watching a movie. I still think everybody who has any serious interest in cinema ought to see it.

The use of color in Suspiria is amazing, of course. The sets, the artwork, the stained glass windows, the colored lights. It's really beautiful, but the color is so unnatural, it's unsettling, especially in combination with the score, which IS excellent. It takes that whole repetitive electronic thing that was popular in seventies horror, and pushes it into another realm with wild drums and weird whispered vocalizing. One of the big problems with Dracula 3D is the score, which is conventional horror movie stuff, probably one of those cheap synthesized scores that tries to sound like an orchestra.

poorwill - 2018-11-18
counterpoint: it's not scary, it is quite boring, not being immersive is actually a pretty big fuckin problem with a horror movie, the story is not only an afterthought but is disruptively bad.

i am pretty sure i am the only person i've ever met who doesn't think suspiria is all it's cracked-up to be. most people who even know what suspiria is think it's great, and like to make a big show about what a great classic it is.
there are a shitload of weirdo arty horror movies from that era, most of them are better than suspiria, and are also a lot more fun.

people just like it cos of that rad fuckin score, let's be real here.

i saw goblin play it live along to the movie. what a buzz. those 'bongs' rule live.

anyway, we are long past due to re-review this one because i think people got a bit carried away with rescuing suspiria from relative obscurity and parading it around like it's some hot shit.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-18
>>>>i am pretty sure i am the only person i've ever met who doesn't think suspiria is all it's cracked-up to be.

Maybe, but I probably know a lot of people who would hate it if they knew what it was.

>>>people just like it cos of that rad fuckin score, let's be real here.

The color, man, the fucking color! The murder scenes are good, but the scenes at the school, full of tension that is always obvious but always unspoken, the bitchy students, that dance instructor who never stops grinning like a crocodile, all of it unnaturally colorful, all of it weirdly beautiful, that shit amazes me.

>>>not being immersive is actually a pretty big fuckin problem with a horror movie

Well, even the "ARGENTO EXPERT" doing the commentary for Deep Red acknowledges that some people find it off-putting. He doesn't let you forget that you're watching a movie. He's like a magician who shows you how he does the trick, yet still does it so well you're still dazzled. But not everybody, I guess.

>>>anyway, we are long past due to re-review this one because i think people got a bit carried away with rescuing suspiria from relative obscurity and parading it around like it's some hot shit.

I don't think relative obscurity is an issue here. Are you aware that Amazon just released a remake? The trailer, released in late August, has almost a billion views.

>>>i saw goblin play it live along to the movie. what a buzz. those 'bongs' rule live.

Goddamn!
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2018-11-19
I haven't seen the 2018 remake of Suspiria yet, but what intrigues me about it that the trailer and the advertising I've seen seems to emphasize the ballet. If there's any one thing that would have made suspiria better, it's more ballet.

That almost sounds sarcastic.

What I'd really like to see is Suspiria as a 12 part Netflix series directed by David Lynch

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